Is it just my au pair who doesn't do her basic jobs without being asked EVERY time???

[kittywise]

Some of you might know me through my au pair saga. We have had a real run of bad luck with them.

I use GUMTREE and not an agency as I've heard so many crappy things about agency au pairs being generally useless and people shedding out loads of money for a shite au pair which the agency won't make amends for.

Anyway the current au pair is studying English here, although her English is pretty good.
I got to meet her before deciding whether to accept her. Gave her extensive questionnaire I got from MN and asked her lots of questions, watched her with the kids etc. Got a good reference. etc.

Anyway, she came last Monday and all seemed ok, a bit manic here as we had lots of christmas guests.
She was very enthusiastic, the kids loved playing with her.

Then on the Thursday she came down with a cold and sore throat and has basically been out of action since then. She has done bits and bobs, but VERY slowly.

After she was with us a couple of days I gave her a very basic and simple routine and jobs that I would like her to do each day like, tidy dc's lunch boxes away, get dc's water at tea time, get pj's on at 6.30, help tidy kitchen after dinner.

None of this gets done without me asking first, everytime.
I've asked her if she understands the list, if she has any questions about it etc. She always says everything's fine with a smile on her face and then doesn't do anything.

Today was first day back at school and she also went back to college, so was well enough to do that, but arrived back 10 mins late to start her shift and been generally dragging her arse around and the house since.

The kids like her which is good and although I trust her not to hurt them in anyway I'm not sure I would be happy leaving her alone with them for longer than me going on the school run (20 mins).
When i came back from school today the baby was walking round with a terrible pooey nappy which had not been changed.
When she dresses the little ones ( only after I've asked) they have really inappropriate clothing on, like just jumper, no socks to go out in.

Now, I don't have a problem settling someone in, showing them the ropes, taking things slowly as long as they are showing willing and some sort of initiative.

Oh I don't know why I'm writing this. I suppose I just wanted to find out whether this is normal? Is it something that i should expect any au par to do?

Do other au pairs do this?

Thanks for reading, I just bloody wish i could find someone with a bit of common sense

See how she goes today. If things are not improving you need to have the 'talk'. You have employed her to help you at the end of the day and she isnt doing that.

Wish you luck honey...

blueshoes, she is Thai, only been over for a month. I think her family must be quite well off, hence her inability to do any housework.
She told me that everything is very cheap in Thailand and that Thai children don't learn to cook. Quite a sweeping statement but I guess it all depends where you stand on the social scale

I am about to write out a more specific list with timings which I shall read through with her today.

no blueshoes she doesn't. She seems to be able to dress herself adequately though. Last time she took them outside, it was as it is now, very sunny but barely reaching zero. They had no hats or gloves and coats undone. They were frozen

Ah, you went with the Thai one. As you would know, it is either humid wet or sweltering hot in Thailand, so understandable about not being able to dress your dcs adequately. Though about being able to dress warmly herself. She should 'get it' after you tell her to put hat/gloves though.

As for not doing housework and not cooking, if it is relatively affordable for middle class families to hire maids in Thailand, then I can understand a pampered lot of children. It was the case when I grew up in Singapore. I would have made an abysmal aupair at 18.

Written timetable is a good idea. Hope her English is ok, otherwise keep it simple.

bluseshoes she 25!!!!!

kitty, if I was an aupair at 25, probably not much better . I needed to leave my parents' comfy home and strike out myself before coming to grips with the nuts and bolts of daily living.

Tbh, you don't want to be the one cutting this aupair's teeth on the domestic front. The only saving grace is if she acknowledges she is crap on that score and is willing and quick to learn. If she does not show these personal qualities pretty sharpish, it would be better to see the back of her sooner rather than later.

Have never had an AP but it sounds like maybe you woudl be better off with someone older, a Mothers Help maybe?
If not then I reckon that a Scandinavian AP might be a better bet. I lived in Sweden for a year and I think their work ethic is pretty good and they generally speak very good English. Your AP sounds lazy and a bit useless to me.

pannacotta, it's a question of finding them oh and money!

I also like Eastern Europeans as far as work ethic goes, but I'm sure there are bad apples in every cart eh?

I might actually ask her exactly what housework she does at home

God blueshoes I too would have been shite, but at least I knew it!

I agree about east Europeans, they often have a fantastic work ethic and are very nice too IME.
Sorry but to me it sounds like you might struggle to get this girl up to speed, she sounds very unaware and not sure you can address this.

Interesting that she is Thai. That is a massive cultural gulf to bridge.

How do you get a Thai aupair legally? I thought she would have needed a visa to work here?

It's not work though

good point, annh.

I am not ofay about immigration laws re: aupairs and work etc. as I can see some blurring of lines. But even the right to reside?

What visa does she have?

My current AP doesn't just get on with things. Well that's not totally true - she misses off about 80% of daily tasks if left to own devices. It actually wound me up so much before Christmas that I sat her down and went through EVERYTHING again. I said that basically I was hapy with her, DS clearly likes her but she's there to help me and if I feel like I'm having to monitor and make sure she's doing everything it's counter-productive. So I retyped her hours sheet with each day listed and her hours broken down. In our case it's a matter of getting on with the household chores first and then being available for childcare - I can then know all her chores are done. I told her I want her chores done within those hours (she was doing them sometimes in her time off because of such poor time management). I also felt she just wanted to play with DS and to heck with the chores - I was feeling like I was the "maid" and they were having fun. So I've shifted the balance. It's only our third day since the new system but having it printed out and stuck to the fridge seems to be helping. She'll never be one for natural initiative, but she IS willing, and that's what you need to decide. Is she willing to change? Does she want to fit in? etc etc.

Umm, Kittywise, she still needs some kind of paperwork to be here legally, given that she is not EU or on a working Visa or from one of the countries which is replacing whatever the aupair programme used to be.

Kitty
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It may help if you manage your expectations of the AP and examine how your behaviour is contributing to the situation. You sound totally unsympathetic to her illness and perhaps she is passively aggressively reacting to your treatment of her. You only trust her to look after the children for 20 mins but not longer. Crazy!. You either trust her or you don?t. I certainly would not entrust my precious DCs to someone I did not fully trust. Your DC like her, surely that is the important thing. Determine if neatly folded laundry or a contented DC/AP relationship is more important to you.

We have had a series of amazing APs. I honestly believe it is because we communicated our expectations effectively with them and treated them as part of the family. They have come on our sailing and skiing holidays and last year we were honoured guests at our first AP?s wedding.

As you have had such bad luck, perhaps you should somehow find the money to employ the services of a nanny agency. It will save you endless hours of frustration.

Good luck

AS far as the immigration folks are concerned if you are paying over cash (no matter how little) it is work.

Temporary work visas level 5 - youth mobility scheme (yes I know I am sad but have been looking into this a lot recently as I start to recruit next years) are only being granted to citizens of Australia, New Zealand, Canada and Japan. If she is not a citizen of one of these countries or from the EEA (which is the EU plus a few other countries in Europe we like) or Switzerland she will need to have a full work visa.

Thre has been another thread on this recently (nanny not AP but in the eyes of border and immigration there is no difference) where the conclusion was that an employer who has not made adequate checks as to the eligibility of an employee to work in the UK and employees somebody not entitled to work in the UK risks a fine of up to £10,000 per employee.

nottinghill, you have had amazing aupairs. So have I. Kitty may or may not.

If you have a dud, no amount of trust or understanding will remedy the situation. Silk purses and sows' ears.

The skill is to figure out what this aupair is. But not to take too long because life is too short.

You are lucky nottinghillbilly, but I'm afraid you cannot blame a dud aupair on me. I also have had wonderful ones in the past.
As I say all I have to go is how they present themselves at interview. I have to trust that they are not lying/stretching the truth.

As it happens we have a large and very busy household, one of the reasons I need an au pair is so that I have trusted support within the house. It is crucial to th well being of all of us.

Good point about the visa, I had (naively) asssumed that since she was studying here that she could be an aupair, since she would be getting pocket money and not actual pay iyswim?

There used to be an "au pair" visa but it has been abolished. Does your Thai girl have a student visa?

yes anna she does, valid until Jan 2010.

Actually today she has really pulled her socks up and is busy doing stuff on her list!