Is it just my au pair who doesn't do her basic jobs without being asked EVERY time???

[kittywise]

Some of you might know me through my au pair saga. We have had a real run of bad luck with them.

I use GUMTREE and not an agency as I've heard so many crappy things about agency au pairs being generally useless and people shedding out loads of money for a shite au pair which the agency won't make amends for.

Anyway the current au pair is studying English here, although her English is pretty good.
I got to meet her before deciding whether to accept her. Gave her extensive questionnaire I got from MN and asked her lots of questions, watched her with the kids etc. Got a good reference. etc.

Anyway, she came last Monday and all seemed ok, a bit manic here as we had lots of christmas guests.
She was very enthusiastic, the kids loved playing with her.

Then on the Thursday she came down with a cold and sore throat and has basically been out of action since then. She has done bits and bobs, but VERY slowly.

After she was with us a couple of days I gave her a very basic and simple routine and jobs that I would like her to do each day like, tidy dc's lunch boxes away, get dc's water at tea time, get pj's on at 6.30, help tidy kitchen after dinner.

None of this gets done without me asking first, everytime.
I've asked her if she understands the list, if she has any questions about it etc. She always says everything's fine with a smile on her face and then doesn't do anything.

Today was first day back at school and she also went back to college, so was well enough to do that, but arrived back 10 mins late to start her shift and been generally dragging her arse around and the house since.

The kids like her which is good and although I trust her not to hurt them in anyway I'm not sure I would be happy leaving her alone with them for longer than me going on the school run (20 mins).
When i came back from school today the baby was walking round with a terrible pooey nappy which had not been changed.
When she dresses the little ones ( only after I've asked) they have really inappropriate clothing on, like just jumper, no socks to go out in.

Now, I don't have a problem settling someone in, showing them the ropes, taking things slowly as long as they are showing willing and some sort of initiative.

Oh I don't know why I'm writing this. I suppose I just wanted to find out whether this is normal? Is it something that i should expect any au par to do?

Do other au pairs do this?

Thanks for reading, I just bloody wish i could find someone with a bit of common sense

I shall carry on venting my spleen.

I asked this evening to take the clean and ironed laundry upstairs and put it away. Each child has their own basket of ironing which when full goes upstairs to be put away.
I have already explained where the clothes go, most of the shelves are labeled anyway.
I have just gone to get pj's ( she didn't of course) and found the clothes, which had been neatly ironed and folded by me literally stuffed onto the shelves, all messy, tangled up and wrinkled.
I have just had to show her how to put clothes neatly onto a shelf.
FFS do I now have to ad this to my list of initial au pair questions? " Can you put away clean laundry without trashing it? Do you know how to fold a pair of trousers in half so that they will fit neatly into a drawer?

Please hep me someone . How on earth can I vet people so that I will know that they have this basic knowledge? Even my just 5 year old can put away her clothes neatly

I'm always shocked by the AP stories on mumsnet. I sometimes wonder if there is a school of lying idiot APs. I really would suggest trial runs of a month but I guess the logistics of such arrangement would be extremely difficult. I hope the situation gets better.

My sympathies to you. We've only had one au pair and she has been great (but she does have a very small job description so I'm easy to impress).
Our next arrives on Sunday and I'm so nervous after reading the horror stories on here.
Hope she gets better with a bit of time and routine. Fingers crossed for you.

Does she have a manual of what to do when - mine are given here is the daily routine - what to do when.

(though if each au pair brought a user manual with them that would help as well)

How old is the AP? Is it her first job?

I would talk to her. I would sy she doesn't seem very happy and ask if everything is okay. If she says she is fine then hit her

with the fact she isn't doing her job right

How old is the AP? Is it her first job?

I would talk to her. I would sy she doesn't seem very happy and ask if everything is okay. If she says she is fine then hit her

with the fact she isn't doing her job right

at least your is working....

mine came home on new years eve not feeling well (after almost 2 weeks off) but decided to go into London to see in the new year. Got home at 4 am and felt really poorly. I spent thursday, friday and all weekend carrying and fetching for her and then sunday evening she told me that she won't be working this week either. She may do a few hours of childcare but won't be able to help me get the children ready for school as she wants to have a lie in, or help with any laundry or housework.

She has a cough so hardly life threatening (sorry I sound rather mean don't I). I am self emploed as is my DH so I can't book any work this week and have had to turn several clients away as I have no childcare.

She has also forgotten what a shower is.

Au pairs.....why do we do it?

She is telling you she won't be working? I think you need to book her flight home now.

NAB yes, I think it is her first job, she is 25 but from the questions she answered one would have assumed that she had good domestic/childcare experience at home.

DadinsteadofMum She has a VERY SIMPLE list of duties. I can't understand WHY she doesn't do them. ATM she is finally cleaning the kitchen 2 hours after she was supposed to finish. I am not going to stop her as she has been so horribly, horribly slow at everything she's done. If she'd work at half a decent speed she'd have easily finished on time.

I think I'll give it a couple of days and see how things go. I have laid down the law a bit today, so I'll see whether anything sinks in.

I would just like someone I can rely on, to be another adult

I had been in my au pair job for 5 weeks before the mum asked me if I wouldn't mind cleaning the house. It was never mentioned at the interview that I would have to do it.

paula tell her to pack straight away

nab, when she came round (and in the ad I placed) I made it clear, well I thought I had, that I would like SOME help domestic wise. She seemed fine with it.

it's like all I hear is "Yes of course"

I have had such a rough ride with au pairs recently that I don't take any bollocks now. if they start messing up, they're out.

I just wanted to know if this bollocks was normal, in which case no more aupairs for me. But tbh I've had some brilliant help in the past so I know it IS possible. Perhaps they are a very rare breed though

you don't want to hear this, but my last 2 au pairs have been absolutely fantastic. My current one decided to get up each weekday morning and help us from 7am (she is only officially on duty from 8.30 to do school run). She does whatever is needed around the house and uses her initiative always.

I am dreading my current one leaving (I am really fond of her too, and will really miss her). I have only had one bad au pair. I am not looking forward to recruiting the next one in March

said it before (and got absolutely mauled by mumsnetters), these young Au pairs take the job and then assume the role of another child in the house, albeit the oldest.
I have lots of sympathy eith you I really do it must be bloody awful... oh and before I get slated again of course some Au pairs are wonderful...

Well, that's good news then, they ARE out there. It's just so bloody hard to vet them though is't it?

What more can you do than ask loads of question, ones you think will give you clues as to what to expect. Some people are very good at coming over a certain way when you first meet them though.

I really am going to have to be more specific in what I ask for in the future, eg someone with domestic experience
That's one thing I like about using gumtree is that I usually get the chance to meet them first.

This is the 4th one since September.

All have been unsuitable for entirely different reasons and each time i think "well at least I know to look out for that next time" but then with the next aupair comes a new problem. And so on.

That is precisely how I felt with our nannies. Last two lovely as people, but as you say, all three had their own set of issues. Which is why DD2 is going to a nursery...and I'm wringing my hands thinking about what to do re school pick ups....and applying for flexible working so I am not so exposed to cock ups...

Kitty, I give a timetable - similar to school - with timings of how long I expect chore to take.

I actually allow around 50% more time than if I was to do the job myself, as the young don't seem to have the same sense of urgency...

Not many things irritate me more (housework-wise) than neatly iron laundry which has then been screwed up.

Kitty, when I had APs I wrote out the things I wanted them to do, dividing up the tasks into: Every day, once a week,etc. They appreciated this. I also demonstrated EVERY task I wanted doing; in this way they could see how thoroughly I wanted it doing, and, crucially, how long it took, so no grounds for "it took me 20 minutes to mop the kitchen floor".

Quite a lot of APs have done no domestic tasks before leaving home, it seems to be their mums' way of shielding them form the awful fate awaiting them on marriage, i.e. their husband won't lift a finger domestically. One of ours told us she asked her mum to show her how to iron clothes just before she left! I must say her ironing was superb, so good on yer, mum.

Re-reading your posts does make me think your AP may be feckless, though.

Mine was pretty ropey to start with, as you might have seen on my related thread, but the agency did a really good job sorting her out, and now she's really helpful and seems a lot happier in herself as well. I think she hadn't actually realised she was being hopeless and it was only when she realised she might have to leave, that it occurred to her she wasn't doing what was required.

Thanks all

Mine doesn't have to do much house work at all. For my cleaner I have written a very detailed plan.

All the au pair has to do is:
play with little dc's whilst I get on with stuff (sleep), then help sort out lunch boxes when bigger dcs come in from school,
then play with dc's until tea tme when she is to put out plates, get drinks,
then after tea play with dc's, get little dc's ready for bed and help tidy kitchen.

ALL of it have have mention everyday

I am so hoping that when she is no longer ill that she will improve.

Get this, I left her unloading asda home shopping delivery when I went off to school, when I came back asda man had left all the crates behind. I can only assume he got pissed off waiting!

I think it might be good to have a meeting with her and spell out that she she has misunderstood her role, and that she is on two weeks' notice to improve, so she has to start showing a bit more intiative now.

I would tell her once again very specifically what she is supposed to be doing and when (which is what my agency did for me), and provide her with a detaied printed sheet of her duties.

I would then tell her very specifically what you are unhappy about, referring to the list for examples of where she has fallen short of requirements.

I think you might find a miracle cure in her health is effected, and there is a big improvement in her attitude.

ktty, sounds dire. No, I would not expect an aupair to be reminded of her duties everytime. It is not rocket science.

However, I do find that if I leave my aupair on her own with dcs, (I think) she is better at getting organised on her own initiative than when I am in the house. Once I am in, she sorts of goes into a passive blanky mode and I find myself irritated when she does not do 'obvious' things to help out without my pointing out. But nothing horrendous.

Agree with Boffinmum. 2 weeks is about as long as I will give her to pull up her socks.

Hem, hem - "their husband won't lift a finger domestically"

dad, it's true in many cultures though.

Well she is much better health-wise today and has cleaned the kitchen a bit this morning before she went out.
I shall keep quiet today and see if she does nay of her other jobs unprompted.

A big and very, very important aspect of the help I need is with my mountainous pile of laundry. I do three big loads a day so there is constantly stuff to be washed ironed and put away.

I am going to go and make sure all the shelves are labeled properly, although she doesn't not seem to know the difference between pyjamas and normal clothes, so the kids are sometimes dressed for the day in pyjamas.

Does not know difference between PJs and normal clothes? Sounds like quite a big culture gap here. Yes, looks like you have to label and sort your drawers very carefully and hope she can conform to it.

I have to admit I choose and layout my dcs' clothes and pjs everyday - but that is just me loving and hogging my dcs' dressing, mix and match and all that. The few times I forget, my German and Swedish aupair had no problem dressing them properly from clothes in the drawers. Then again, I don't have 6 dcs.

Does she know how to dress your dcs adequately for the cold weather?