APs and staying out late - any advice?

[MizZan]

We have a lovely 19 YO German au pair who is really a delightful person, very nice with the kids, reasonably helpful around the house and generally seems (or seemed) like a sensible, responsible person, given her very young age.

My problem is this - she has started staying out very very late (like 2, 3 AM) during weeknights, and (I think) possibly staying out all night once or twice and then coming back in before she's meant to start work at 7:30. It seems she's met A BOY - which is very nice of course.

Now - on weekends, I don't have a huge issue with this, though ideally I'd like her to let us know if she's staying out all night so we don't worry. But - I'm not so ok with it during the week. I feel like if she has to be up and ready for work (which involves childcare and school/nursery runs for 2 little ones, so not just mindless cleaning) at 7:30, she should be home at a reasonable hour the night before, and also I just want the peace of mind of knowing that she's home and safe and that she will actually definitely be there and functional at 7:30 the next morning - it's just not something I want to spend time stressing about, iykwim.

I sat her down earlier this week and had a chat to her about this as she'd been out till about 4 the night before, and she insisted it was just a one-off as this boy she'd met was about to leave for parts unknown, and said it wouldn't happen again, and was very apologetic. BUT - I then had to travel for business overnight, got home at midnight last night to find the house asleep (or so I thought), latched the door, only to be roused at 1:15 AM by the AP ringing the bell because she'd been out and couldn't get in. She apologised this morning for waking me up, and said she'd told DH she'd be out late, but it was as if that earlier conversation about not staying out late on work nights had just never happened.

So I don't know whether I was just too nice in our chat, or whether I really have to set a firm curfew during the week, or whether I am just being unreasonable, or what. Keep in mind that other than this, we are happy with her, and given my work situation (and DH basically working very long hours so not around to provide back-up at all), it would be a real challenge not to mention disruptive for the children (who like her) if we have to replace her at short notice. But I'm not happy with this behaviour or with the fact that she pretty much ignored my "nicely" telling her not to do this once already. I have no experience with this as our previous APs just never did this. What do the rest of you do about this issue?

As for the French model, our AP contract says gross incompetence is grounds for immediate dismissal.

so she has left this evening - we paid for her to fly home this wednesday - first available flight back - although she is planning on finding another family. I had a quick look at her profile on AuPair World and it is hilarious - so many falsities the only things it doesn;t say is i have an eating disorder and am unstable - i do feel sorry for the girl as i would hate to go through this BUT she should have let us know and is defiantely not AP material.
Anyway there is another AP locally who has her own 'annex' and she is friends with her so has gone there until Wed. We told her she could stay etc. but she did not want to - fine by me. We paid her £150 + airfare she did kind of work this week and i felt i should not part on bad terms
Anyone got an AP available?

ES that has to be a relief. I know we are in approximately the same area and both suddenly without APs, which is unfortunate for me as your hours and rates are much more favourable than mine. Such a nice employer as you shouldn't have a problem.

Hi english, glad it has worked out. You did the right thing.

You could always try for a new aupair (psssst, I try to avoid French aupairs, oh, nothing really except my first aupair was French and she never turned up). But it can be hit and miss, as we all know.

I was thinking since you are looking for help during your maternity leave and need good driving, apart from a nanny who will be costly, you couldconsider a mother's help (generally live out). You probably would not require sole charge care of the baby but more someone to amuse your older child(ren) and help out with cooking and housework and drive. So a mother's help is more flexible. Perhaps advertise in your local papers, or gumtree? Do you use a local cleaner who is happy to do add ons for a short period.

Ok, ok, so shoot me.

I can totally understand why you'd not want your AP to stay out until 3am, might disturbe household or her mood the next day. I'd impliment some rules on that one.

As for the arranged staying out over night, why is there such an issues with that? If she worked in any other job her bosses wouldn't know. So long as her job preformance is not effected and you know so you can lock up, I really do not see a problem. I think you are being unreasonable to the poor girl, if she lets you know before she leaves that she is staying out!

If her work is not affected by staying out then I think you have no right to tell her she is not allowed out past a certain time. If you had stated this in the rules before she came to live with you then you might have found that she wouldn't have come.
I work as an AP and last night I was in my room but wasn't asleep until 5am but then worked at 7. The night before I didn't get in until 7am but I had been asleep elsewhere all night.