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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Charging for Childminding

24 replies

ShinyShow · 14/09/2008 20:32

My wife works, I'm at home with the kids post redundancy in 2003. We each pay just enough into a joint account to cover utility bills, rates etc. She keeps the rest of her income.

While I've been looking after the kids I've been charging her £3.65 per child per hour for the time I've had them (if she's around I don't charge).

When my daughter went to school I asked a childminder in my village who told me she charges for the hours a child is at school if she looks after the child before and after school and does the pick up/drop off. So that's what I did.

My son has just started school and I'm suffering s conscience attack. I don't feel right charging my wife for looking after them when both of them are at school. But if I don't charge I feel honour bound to pay her back the money I charged her for looking after our daughter for the past 2 years while she was at school.

She doesn't want me to pay the money back. But she can't stop me transferring it into her account!

What do you think? Should I keep the money and carry on charging, keep the money and stop charging (why?) or pay her back even though she doesn't want the money?

Thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

justabouthadcurry · 14/09/2008 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nbee84 · 14/09/2008 20:39

Are you for real??????

SammyK · 14/09/2008 21:12

Your wife has to pay you to look after your children?!

Can also say that you are parenting not childminding.

justabouthadcurry · 14/09/2008 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nannynick · 14/09/2008 21:35

Strange arrangement. Why not just ask your wife for an allowance.

ThePrisoner · 15/09/2008 00:02

Wow, what a brilliant idea though. I am going to bill my husband for all the years I didn't charge him for the care of our children. I am going to make a fortune!!!

(This op cannot be for real though ... surely?)

navyeyelasH · 15/09/2008 09:29

It seems weird to me too but maybe by charging in this way they could get the same tax perks that using a CM provides parents with; assuming of course that dad is registered as a nanny/CM?

Still seems very weird, but the OP may not have explained clearly enough for us!

nannynick · 15/09/2008 09:42

no navy, it is care by a relative, so no registration requirement and no fiancial help via tax credits.

navyeyelasH · 15/09/2008 11:08

Doh - I forgot about that. In which case it's mighty strange - hope OP comes back soon though.

Berryred · 15/09/2008 11:47

wtf

so you childmind your own children

Pipsical · 15/09/2008 13:44

OMG - WOW!

Original poster

ShinyShow · 16/09/2008 20:49

Sorry for the delay, it's a genuine post. I thought I had it set up to email me when someone replied, no emails so I assumed no-one had until I checked the thread just now!

I agree, it seems odd, but the idea is to put her in the same situation she would be in if she engaged an external childminder.

The problem is that I haven't earned anything from anyone except her for the past 5 years and she keeps all her income, so without something for childminding I wouldn't get any income at all.

Many couples would probably have a joint account or some way of sharing the earner's income with the non-earner. I assume!

OP posts:

KatyMac · 16/09/2008 21:13

So if you were working you would pay her to look after her own children?

It's a bit odd

Littlefish · 16/09/2008 21:20

There is a thread a bit like this running elsewhere, except on that thread, it is the man who is out at work. In that thread, the overwhelming feeling has been that once you are a couple with joint responsibility for children and a household, it doesn't matter who earns more, it is about a partnership.

In our house, my dh earns considerably more than I do and therefore, contributes far more to the joint account. I use money from the joint account for all our joint expenses, but also, for some of my own expenses. I make sure that all the incomings and outgoings balance and as long as they do, neither of us have any problem with the other paying for something out the joint account.

Is there a possibility of you getting a job now that your children are at school?

Whether you do or not, I think you really need to sit down with your wife and discuss a way of managing your household finances that gives you some financial independence ie. without her needing to "pay" you to look after the children. I have to say that I think your current arrangement is quite demeaning to you and puts you in the role of a paid employee, rather than an equal.

Original poster

ShinyShow · 20/09/2008 10:24

Thanks for all the suggestions. We both want to make our arrangements as fair and reasonable as we can and it really helps to find out what other people think of our situation.

OP posts:

smeeinit · 20/09/2008 11:26

ohh how very odd!
and here goes me being judgemetal and proberly really harsh....................

so now both your children are at school can you not go and seek employment elsewhere? and what has stopped you doing this previously?
surely 2 incomes are better than one even if you do still have to pay for childcare?

ofcourse each to their own i just find it strange that you are paid to look after your own children

and im a cm and dont charge atall when kids are at school,parents charge for the hours they use before and after school.

Ripeberry · 20/09/2008 17:36

I have visions of the OP living in the house with a pinny on and holding out his hand to his wife asking for his "pay".
WTF! It does NOT matter who is the wage earner, the money is for the FAMILLY and you should have a joint account.
The only reason i can think she does it this way is if the OP is very bad with money or she does not TRUST him!
Why not now look for a job and then when you have two incomes and you get your self-esteem back then you only need to get childcare for a few hours a day or holiday times.
I'm not trying to be nasty, but it's a natural urge for men to be the provider of the familly.

RachieB · 20/09/2008 19:20

OMG ! lmao you cannot be serious?!

potoftea · 20/09/2008 19:41

I find this thread really upsetting somehow.
It just has made me really sad that you and your dw are so "separate".

I am a SAHM and my husband works. All his wages are Ours because me taking care of our children and managing our home means that he can work freely and not worry about his childcare arrangement etc. His 40 hours in a factory are his job, and my time at home is mine. We are equal.
His wage goes into a joint account, and everything is paid from that. We always try to have our own "spending money" each week. When things were bad it was only £5 each, but at least that £5 is ours to spend as we like.

Sometimes my dh will get paid for some diy he does for family, and that's his money because he did extra work to earn it.

If I were you I would discuss this with your dw as the situation no longer seems to be making you happy. Maybe it's time to look at how you run your lives now that the dc are in school.

AbbeyA · 20/09/2008 19:45

I have difficulty understanding the thread, I don't see how you can charge for looking after your own children! I would just have a joint account and pool resources.

stellabgh · 21/09/2008 09:26

Surely your wife should only be paying you half the 'childcare costs' anyway? You are responsible for half your children's upbringing anyway.

All sounds very strange. Doesn't sound like there's a family here, more like an arrangement.

JenniPenni · 21/09/2008 23:45

I have never heard of a parent being paid for looking after their children. I am in shock.

mamazee · 22/09/2008 00:04

totally bizarre...sorry...don't know how i would feel if dp even mentioned charging me for childcare.
i have no income at all and stay at home with my ds. we share our money. i made that choice to stop earning when i decided to stay at home.

why would your wife do that as well ??

you seem like a reasonable person but for alot of people that arrangements seems TOTALLY weird

chel86 · 25/09/2008 15:41

I can see his pov though. By his wife giving him money while his looking after the kids and charging the same way as a cm would, when he does go back to work and the kids do go to a cm then it won't be a shock to the finances, as she's used to paying it out anyway. I admit it seems a strange arrangement between husband and wife, but I can see why they're doing it.

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