Is it reasonable for our nanny to bring her mother along?

[NannyQ565]

Hello all!

Our nanny comes from a different city and her mom is due to visit soon. She has asked whether her mom can come with her while she is looking after our daughter one day at the end of her trip, so that she can show her the area. The idea is that the mom comes to our house and accompanies the nanny/our daughter when they go on their trips for the day.

The nanny is very kind but we have some problems with expectations/laziness perhaps and I don't know whether this is over stepping the mark and taking advantage (I of course would never take a family member to work with me) or if this is nice and something that is appropriate within the unique role of a nanny.

All thoughts welcome!

I think it sounds nice. If you don’t trust her you have the wrong nanny.
My nanny families often met mine. It’s quite common if you have a good relationship.

My initial thoughts were that would be fine or even great as 2 people to look after dc! But I realised I was basing that on my lovely and very child-focused mum. Will you have met the mum by that point to see the dynamic?

Ask what the plan for the day is. I had a nanny from 0-10 years old. Nanny's dad had died when she was a baby and her step dad died when I was 3 or 4. After that her mum OFTEN came on trips with us. Would sit in the back with me while nanny drove and generally play with me etc. Look after me for a few minutes while my nanny went to the toilet or sit at a table with me while nanny bought lunch. We would do things I loved like seaside, zoo, swimming etc. It was easier and more fun with mum there too. Plus all my grandparents had died before I was born so a bonus 60-70 year old who was fond of me was great!

However you should definately meet mum first and get an idea of what they will be doing.

This issue here is that you aren't confident with what your Nanny is doing generally.

If you trusted her and felt comfortable that she was a good Nanny, then I don't think this would be an issue.

I mean, she is asking you. she could just have easily have left your house and met her Mum wherever they were going, or pick her up on the way, and you'd never have known.

With a Nanny I trusted, I'd have no problem with this.
With a Nanny I didn't, I'd be looking for a different Nanny anyway.

I let a nanny go because she kept doing things like meeting her mum / MIL when it hadn’t been prior agreed and some people thought I was crazy!

At least she’s asked you first I suppose, hard as if you knew her and she loved kids it could make for a great day with them but the fact she’s painted it as showing her the area rather than ‘introducing the kids as they’re so great’ would make me say no

We had a live-in nanny whose mum used to come and stay and would hang out with her daughter and our children.

She was lovely, didn’t speak a word of English, but absolutely doted on our little ones.

I wouldn’t have a problem with it in your shoes, especially as it’s only one day.

Doesnt your nanny hang out with other nannies during the day anyway? It’s not really any different to that.

I don’t see it different from seeing a nanny friend with a child - your dd will get double attention hopefully and enjoy meeting nanny’s mum

it’s one day.

either you trust your nanny or you don’t

that’s what it comes down to

Tho agree shouldn’t be left alone with your child as your nanny’s responsibility

@NannyQ565 I would prefer the nanny's mum to come along rather than for the nanny to hang out with nannies her age.

@NannyQ565 has presumably vetted the nanny, and decided she is trustworthy. Not the Mum. Would you say the same if it was Boyfriend/Dad/Step-Dad?

I would actually.

I mentioned upthread that our live-in nanny used to have her mum come to stay a couple of times a year. Well she also had her brother come and stay for a few days and I was fine with that too. Her dad came once with her mum too.

They used to do London touristy things like buck palace, Tower of London, London eye etc and take the kids along all together. The kids had a great time.

When your child is with a nanny, they will come into contact with lots of other adults, just the same as when they are with you. And you need to trust the nanny to take care of your child and keep them safe in exactly the same way you would.

If you don’t trust them then they shouldn’t be looking after your child full stop, regardless of whether there is anyone else present.

No, probably not, because we all know what the statistics are. And we also know that DBS checks are no guarantee against abuse.

This

you either trust nanny and her judgment

or you don’t

No.
I wouldn’t want my child to think any person the nanny brings along is ‘safe’
theres good reason not to mix family and vulnerable people you are paid to care for - in an emergency where is your priority?
will mum decide to discipline/treat/interact with dc and how will this be managed?

This is not appropriate.

It is only inappropriate and unprofessional if you think it is.

If you can't trust her to watch your child while with her mum then why have you employed her?

It is one day. I think it would be a nice gesture and go a long way.

As for those saying they don't take their mum to work, use your brain.