Is this normal nanny behaviour?

[henrys7thwife]

This is my first full-time, sole-charge nanny for my two-year-old. I'm not sure if the following things are 'normal' nanny behaviour, is it all acceptable or is some of it not? Any opinions at all would be welcome.

1. Taking son out to lunch occasionally (maybe once a week) and buying her own lunch on the kitty money tab.

2. Eating us out of house and home after we've done a big shop! Always seems to eat what we've prepared for that night's meal (or what the cleaners have prepared rather ). I know we provide meals on duty, but she seems to be eating an awful lot!

3. Taking naps whilst my son naps. I assume she has monitor with her during this time.

Thanks ladies!

bump

Lunch - Yes, as employer you are expected to provide all meals whilst on duty. Reasonable in my view for it to come out of the weekly kitty. Where they went for lunch is more of the concern... and why they could not have made a packed lunch and supplement with a hot drink/ice cream.

Makes sure your nanny knows about your menu planning. May also be useful to have your nanny menu plan for lunch/tea on the days they are working. Then you can food order in advance, and also know what your son is being given (even if he doesn't eat it).

Wouldn't expect a nanny to nap while your son does. Would expect them to make a cup of tea and have a 20 minute break. Then the remaining time could be spent doing food prep, household tasks, planning activities/outings, menu planning etc.

Thanks, nannynick, feel bad about saying 'ladies' now. She does write down everything son eats during the day, she buys his food, but eats what we buy for herself. Maybe I will just ask her what she wants for the upcoming week, but to be honest I'm quite rubbish about remembering to order food shops.

I think no.1 is fairly normal, although by lunch in my nannying days (many years ago - my charges just turned 18 and 21!!), it would have been a sandwich etc if out, not a huge expensive meal. They did provide my lunch and were happy for us to have lunch out from time to time although not weekly.

No.2 - Does she live-in with you? I wouldn't have expected her to eat any more than you would yourselves if she's living in. If living out, then she would eat at home after work presumeably.

No3 - errrrr, not really. I'd have been getting on with 'nursery duties'/kids ironing etc in their nap times.

I was an au pair once so I always see the other side,,,,,,, but imo if she's got a larger appetite than you, that doesn't necessarily make her greedy.

I think it is clever and good time management and not in any way irresponsible to take a nap while you son is napping.

1. Yes, but if she's spending too much you could give her a total amount for the week/month and ask her to budget and provide receipts. ( eg. I have a nanny during school hols for my 2 school age kids and I give her £50 per week - if she wants to spend more than that eg. trip to theme park, she has to discuss it with me and I'll give her the money)

2. Couldn't you just ask the cleaners to label your dinner (or put it on a particular shelf in fridge) and ask nanny not to eat that, but to help herself to other stuff. Is your nanny catering for her nanny friends? My ex-nanny would have her friends and their charges over for lunch so I would provide that, but the next week they would go to another family's house and they would provide (or nanny would take dessert or something). Current nanny drinks a heck of a lot of fruit juice but I've asked her to text me if we are running out of anything (ie. juice) and I'll pick some up on the way home - I don't mind as long as I don't get home to find that we've run out!

3. Nope, not had a napping nanny before, Is your's a live-in nanny? Or does she have a very early start? I would expect nanny to use nap-time to tidy up, prep dinner and do other stuff which is hard to do with an active 2 year old about.

How long have you employed this nanny for? Could you have a review meeting and discuss spending money, food etc..give her a better idea of your expectations?

Agree with nannynick.

If you don't want her to take your son out so often, say so. You also get to say where she takes him. If you don't want her to take him out for lunch then say so.

If you don't let her know what's earmarked for your dinner she can't be expected to know. However, this depends if she's live in or daily. Ask her what you can add to the shopping list for her. If she's daily, bear in mind this should be enough to provide her with lunch (not a big cooked meal) and a couple of snacks per day. Obv more for live in.

A bit slack to take naps but tbh if she's live in, takes the monitor and is up to speed on all her duties, not much difference between a snooze and watching tv. I wouldn't have done it though.

You can't blame her for eating! I bet your son likes going out to eat too. It is all experience for him and is something he would be doing if you were at home. Also she needs to not be on her own all the time. It is good for you nanny and good your your ds to have friends. When I was a nanny I took my charges with me and had lunch with other nannies and 'their' children. Otherwise she will go INSANE. It is a very lonely job and if I were you I would be encouraging her to get out and about.

1)i go out for lunch maybe twice a month (if at play centre) etc - food gets put on my works credit card

some places dont allow packed lunch

2)i find that a note on food you dont want eaten works well - just as if I have made a pie for tomorrows tea,I tell DB to look and not touch

3)why does she need to nap? i have once or twice gone to bed when charge has when had really bad cold and said happy to come in, as long mb didnt mind me having a lie down when child did ( which she didn't mind, they appreicated me coming in )

well tbh it isn't so much a question of what is normal but what do you want to agree
you are the employer, she is looking after you child, you need to be able to establish a good, two way relationship imo from the beginning, which includes setting ground rules etc

1. Taking son out to lunch occasionally (maybe once a week) and buying her own lunch on the kitty money tab. well does the budget allow it? tbh, if she is meeting up with other nanny friends and other mums then maybe this is normal and she is just socialising.

2. Eating us out of house and home after we've done a big shop! Always seems to eat what we've prepared for that night's meal (or what the cleaners have prepared rather ). I know we provide meals on duty, but she seems to be eating an awful lot!

if there is something you don't want her to eat, then you should identify it and say not to eat it.

3. Taking naps whilst my son naps. I assume she has monitor with her during this time.

personally, I wouldn't have a problem with this tbh. I don't think you child is in any more danger than he is when you are asleep at night

Just wanted to say that I assumed your nanny was live-out.

is she live in? then I think making any comment about how much she eats is going to be bang out of order tbh.
if she lives out, then that's different.

Now I think about it, going out for lunch to a restaurant once a week seems a lot. I agree that setting the kitty at x per week and letting her choose how to spend it is a good idea.

There was a thread not too long ago about how some nannies are a bit free and easy with their employers' cash. How much does her lunch cost?

I knew a nanny who would eat three meals a day at work which I thought was a bit of a cheek. Especially as she ate two at home as well

If she's daily, lunch and snacks should be fine. If she's live in, you have to provide all her meals within the house. How old is she?

im a daily nanny and i can eat all 3 meals at work if i want to,though I very rarely eat tea there

I always eat breakfast cereal or toast and lunch pasta/sandwich/soup/jacket etc either in at work/out at friends or out and paying for it with kitty

Can I just say that Imananny's remark about the Don't Touch signs to DadBoss made me laugh (a lot). My two (now a quite seasoned 9 and 7) do the signs themselves.

Is there an issue of an overall picture, by any chance? - someone quite, hmm, sedentary? with a significant interest in food? Or perhaps someone with too many commitments, so she's near exhaustion much of the time (hence the naps)? If so, I think the details don't matter so much as the overall - I'd be careful about how the job pans out altogether.

Hi Henrys7thwife, Can i ask how you know that your nanny has a nap? TBH i have had the occasional nap/ 10 mins with my eyes closed, but never a 2 hour sleep. Sometimes you just can't help it, she probably doesnt do it on purpose!! Regarding the food, you should leave a note book on the side so she can write down anything she thinks she needs or if you run out of anything, i always explain if i have left food in the fridge for the following day and you should do the same. At the beginning it's a learning curve, it's all about finding out how to work together, it doesn't take long!! She might have acted like this in a previous job, where her employers didn't mind, so maybe a quiet word in her ear, may work. She will appreciate your honesty!!

Thanks for comments everyone. She is live-out, of course if she was live-in I would have no issue with whatever food she eats. She's not particularly sedentary - takes our son out to museums, playdates, Gymboree, swimming, etc. Guess she just likes food! Will try the note on things

I know she has naps because she told me she'd fallen asleep. I didn't mind at the time, but I just wondered if it was an everday-acceptance thing. I guess I'm okay with it, she starts at 7.30 and lives an hour commute away so I can't really begrudge her for it, especially since I work very long hours. Just wanted to know other people's opinions, especially about the eating out. She has taken DS to Pret, Pizza Express (bought him a whole child's meal which I thought was abit as he's not even 2, and gets sandwiches from Sainsbury's for picnics. She's wonderful with him and I don't have any more issues, just was curious. Thanks all!

I think it is perfectly reasonable for you to menu plan and to tell the nanny what she may and may not help herself to for her own lunch, providing that what you provide for her is equivalent to what you yourselves are eating ie you cannot buy yourselves fresh fillet steak for supper and expect your nanny to eat frozen burgers for lunch (not that I am suggesting

Why don't you sit down with your nanny and discuss what sort of things she would like to eat for lunch and then you can add her lunch into your menu plan?

glad you liked my comment bink

a whole childs meal seriously, I didnt think that was bad, he is a child BUT buying sandwiches at sains, now that I find out of order and tbh wasting your money

least she was honest about having a snooze - leaving her house at 6.30 is early, I'm still tucked up in bed then!!

Perfectly OK IMO for a nanny who is leaving home at 6.30 am to want a little nap after lunch . What time does she get off in the evening?

I am not sure what she was supposed to buy him other than a child's meal tbh. But agree Sainsbury's sandwiches for picnic a bit much. Surely she could just make some sandwiches. It sounds like you need to communicate a bit more about the food that you make available etc. Also I think the nap is OK as it sounds like a very long working day. I think it would be acceptable for her to have a cereal/toast breakfast at yours also. I arrive at work at 8 am and buy toast here, just have fruit juice before I leave (office worker not nanny btw).

1. It is okay IF it is okay with you. If you don't want to pay for this, just have a chat with her saying you expect her to make food at home. One way of dealing ith this could be to put a cap on the weekly kitty. Say £20 per week for activities including food. I think my contract say something like employers provides food which will normally but not always be prepared and consumed in employer's home. My nanny get's £70 per month for activites (not including the ones I sign them up to -- I pay for those). She can spend it as she chooses. But £70 is it.

2. Technically, yes, you provide food. But it doesn't mean you always provide a constant flow of anything she'd like to eat. But, communication can be tricky on this one. You could designate a shelf where the food is yours. You could tell her that the food prepared by the cleaner is for your dinner. You might also do a strict weekly shop on the same day every week and let her know that the food you buy is to last until the next shop. So, for example, if they suck down all the orange juice in two days, there won't be any for rest of the week. I assume you do the shopping?

3. Absolutely not on! I had a nanny who did this once. But, she was otherwise a good nanny and she was leaving in a couple of months when I realised it.

How is her performance generally? Does she have the house tidy, child fe, etc. when you get home? Is she keeping up with all of her contracted duties? How many hours does she work?

Oh, I don't like nannies to buy pre made sandwiches because they don't meet my nutritional standards. I much prefer a home made peanut butter and jelly or cheese sandwich on whole wheat or soya and linseed bread which will take all of about 30 seconds to prepare. She can make one for herslef too. I don't mind spending more on sliced organic cheese. But I do mind spending more on the convenience of an already prepared sandwich which is nutritionally substandard. Children learn their eating preferences when they are very young. So it is not so much that eating a sainsbury sandwich is going to be immediately detrimental to his health, but more that this is not the style of eating I want him to desire in the years to come.

I would have a problem with point 1 TBH. If your DS is under 2, then she is going to these places for her benefit and not for his. She should be grabbing lunch in mueaum cafes or park cafes, not bloomin' pizza express!

And she should definately be making her own sarnies and packing her own picnics.

We have a kitty for our nanny which she uses for entrance fees and snacks. She would never dream of going to somewhere like pizza express, even though our DS (4.5) would probably love it! It wouldn't pass her nutritional bar, nor her 'no sense in wasting money' bar.

Ref food in fridge, we have a separate shelf for everything for the kids and we expect the nanny to have whatever she cooks for them. I think you can get over the issue by explaining to nanny that you have decided to give DS more variety and therefore want to ditch the 'childrens' stuff and get him to eat normal adult stuff (within reason of course), and that you have allocated a part of the fridge for all of this food. The stuff we buy for both the kids and the nanny includes fresh pasta (and fresh sauces), soups, sliced cheeses and meats, quiches and a couple of ready-made meals (fishermans pie being the current favourite).

Naps? I've never heard of it for a live out, but to be honest it doesn't pass my 'Am I bothered enough to risk annoying the nanny?' test. But your other stuff I would act on.

I think if she starts at 7.30 and has to leave the house at 6.30 then a little nap in the afternoon might be just the thing
I am up at that time every day and frankly I would benefit greatly from a nap in the afternoon