Is this normal nanny behaviour?

[henrys7thwife]

This is my first full-time, sole-charge nanny for my two-year-old. I'm not sure if the following things are 'normal' nanny behaviour, is it all acceptable or is some of it not? Any opinions at all would be welcome.

1. Taking son out to lunch occasionally (maybe once a week) and buying her own lunch on the kitty money tab.

2. Eating us out of house and home after we've done a big shop! Always seems to eat what we've prepared for that night's meal (or what the cleaners have prepared rather ). I know we provide meals on duty, but she seems to be eating an awful lot!

3. Taking naps whilst my son naps. I assume she has monitor with her during this time.

Thanks ladies!

My nanny starts at 6:30am and finishes at 7:00pm. She doesn't take naps. I work roughly the same hours, and I don't take naps at work either.

Thanks for comments.

Athene, her performance is absolutely fine, my son is fed, clean, the house is usually tidy, she folds our laundry if it happens to be in the dryer (which I knows annoys her, but it's nice she does it anyway) and we ask her to do little things like post office, dry cleaning, etc. so I guess it all works out in the end.

Like I said before, it's not an issue of 'is her job suffering because of this' but just wanted an overall general perspective. She met another nanny at Pizza Express and said they were invited, so I didn't have any issue. Then went to Pret with another nanny a week or two later. Will have a word about the Sainsbury's sandwiches. I actually prefer her NOT to eat at the cafe (and have told her this) of playplaces, etc. as they are SO expensive. So she takes care to avoid planning those activities around big mealtimes.

Oh, and my nanny usually finishes between 6.30-7 pm, although anywhere from two to three times per week has to stay as late as 9-ish (putting her home around 10), and once, I'm ashamed to say, had to stay until 11.30 PM from a 7.30 AM start shift.

OOOH which brings me to a new question: DH and I both have to travel next week at the same time so we need to ask her to stay over. What should we pay her extra for the overnight stay? Son wakes up at 6, so she will work an extra 1.5 hrs 'awake' time.

I have this situation too. But, my nanny is live in. So she works for about an exra hour to put the kids to bed. But, then she just can't go out that night. So different from a live-out nanny.

You will get a wide variety of answers on this subject. Some think you should pay more because it's unsociable hours. Others will question why you need to pay her to sleep (especially when you are already paying her to sleep in the afternoon ). I always negotiate the nightly rate before she takes the job. Maybe the equivalent of her hourly rate for all waking hours and then maybe another £20 for the hassle of having to sleep over?

Oh, and I was going to say that if you are generally happy with her performance than I wouldn't get worked up about the daytime naps. A bit like Squiffy said, it wouldn't be a big enough deal to warrant making it an issue of it. AS you point out, she works a lot of hours, so she still has time to get her work done.

£20 is lowish for an overnight rate, especially with an under-two where being woken up at night is fairly likely. (But you could always offer it & see what happens!)

I do £30 overnight fee for a pair of concrete-log-sleeping 9 and 7 year olds; I'd say £40 for an under-two.

And yes, ordinary hourly rate for time when she's likely to have to be awake & on duty.

I think you underestimate, or do not fully appreciate the nanny's point of view on this aspect. They are not her children, and although as a nanny, I do love my charges with all my heart, I am on semi alert the nights I take them away from their parents to sleep at my place or to a hotel.

So, my lovely employer compensates me in what I consider to be a fair and generous way - 12 hours a day at full pay and $200 for overnight. It's a lot of money yes, but it's a lot to ask of someone also I feel. I've worked in England also - and had employers with the same standards there too. It's how you treat an employee and value their feelings that will dictate the level of care provided, and the longevity of the relationship. Not saying you're not a good employer, as you sound great, just should be careful contemplating not fully compensating and appreciating your nanny doing overnights!

The other thing I think you need to consider is whether you are giving your nanny any choice in the matter. It would be worth having back up plans so that if she didn't want to do overnights or couldn't for some reason that she wouldn't feel guilt tripped into doing it. I would expect that she will do it for you whether she wants to or not, and whether she thinks the money is fair or not, but if she doesn't feel fairly treated it doesn't make for a great relationship.

$200?!?!?! I said you'd a get a range of answers.

I used to do £50 for an overnight stay - but that was on the basis (i) that our nanny has no real say in it (this was explained when she took the job that sometimes it would all go a bit pear shaped, and if so she would have to help pick up the slack); and (ii) it was for 2 DCs under 5 so there was a fair likelihood of having to deal with nocturnal wanderings/glass of water/wet bed etc.

Re food, I always say that our nanny can eat absolutely anything but I will point out if I have specific plans for it. It more often works the other way, with post it notes with skull and crossbones drawn by the children saying "Dad - do NOT touch". I do a weekly shop by internet, so tell her to write down what she needs for the DCs and anything she likes - I have never had a nanny take the piss with this.

Re going out - mine does this a reasonable amount, with my blessing. I think it is nice for the DCs to eat out, but we have lots of fairly cheap options - only local Asian/ noodle/sushi/pizza places. Also I am an inveterate "stopper for a coffee", so can't raise an eyebrow at that. My nanny does, however, always prepare and take juice and snacks for cinema, theatre, softplay and meets other nannies for picnics quite a lot, so it all comes out in the wash.

Re naps - wouldn't have a problem with that if everything else was done, children were happy etc - I've always given my nannies quite a lot of autonomy. Would be v jealous though!

skull & crossbones ...

ours say "POISONOUS FOR DADDIES" or, when the big guns of shamingness are needed, "DADDY THIS IS NOT ON YOUR DIET"

For overnighters for our current live-out, we pay her her normal hourly rate for every hour (including the sleeping ones), but for a live-in we would count it as that week's 'babysitting' plus maybe £40.

if i do an over nighter - i charge bs rate £10ph 7 - 12 ( 50) and then a sleep over rate of £30 so £80 in all

I do think that every now and again, it is good for children to eat out at a resturant/pizza express and learn how to eat/socialize in public.

Im kanackered today, so could be tempted to have a little snooze now while charge asleep but i wont,reading&replying here and internet surfing will keep me awake

athene - yes you may work same hours as your nanny, but i personally feel that looking after young children is harder than an office job - and generally in an office you get a lunch hour ( though not always) so thinking about it, if the nanny wants to have a snooze in her so called lunch hour ( when child alseep) then not the end of the world

waits to be yelled at *

Pray tell us, what is this 'lunch hour' of which you speak?

squiffy - who me?

a lot of my friends work in an office and get an hour for lunch - though agree not all do

Isn't a child's meal at Pizza Express about a fiver? Was she meeting up with other people there? I know a fantastic nanny who takes her charges to Pizza Express for tea sometimes.
If she is up before six am and works 12 hour shifts, I bet she falls asleep sometimes! I wouldn't call that a 'nap'. I'd call that exhaustion. And surely better a rested nanny who is able to be enthusiastic in the afternoon than a drained one? I don't suppose you mean she climbs into your bed for a three hours snooze, do you?

I think if this poor woman is working until 9pm half the time, is doing overnights etc she doesn't really have a life of her own. I think a bit of slack over wanting to sit in a cafe sometimes with the rest of humanity seems the least you can offer. I'm always desperate to get out of the house with my kids, and beg them to come to cafes with me!

1. Yes, my nanny sometimes takes the children out to lunch - I expect to get the bill;
2. Eating what you have in the fridge is fine as well. I will often tell our nanny what I am going to use for dinner, so that it won't be used for the meals throughout the day;
3. No, never had a nanny that napped.. would find it rather odd. I would expect them to sit down relax for a bit and then get on with anything that they could see needed doing - tidy playroom, empty dishwasher etc.

Imananny, I agree that an office job is easier than looking after young children -- unless of course they are sleeping. And you are sleeping too then looking after the young children is definitely easier.

However, I did say earlier that I wouldn't make a big issue of the day time nap, especially since she obviously works hord and get all of required duties done. So what's the harm?

Lunch hour? You are joking, right?

Now that Sainsbury's sandwich I'd have a fit about.

I'm starting to feel me overworked nanny should get another spa voucher... I don't know if she actually used the last one though. Maybe I should get her something else. Like a voucher to the shop at the club. She might like that better in fact....

is there any way of checking she used the voucher, ie ring the spa place - did it have a ref/code on it?

maybe do a voucher for a nice/posh resturant - my ex boss did that, hubby and i went - it was lovely and when we read the drinks list and bottle of most exp champers was £600 we didnt have a bottle of that

yes my charges is asleep at mo, hence the typing /reading on here but i am def not asleep

I guess I could just ask her.

Actually, we are hijacking here. Should probably get back to the topic at hand.

whoops - you are right

sorry henry7thwife

Athene - maybe, if you think your nanny is overworked, you could invite her to let herself have a little snooze on the sofa after lunch? (if the children are at school or asleep themselves, of course)

funny

But, current nanny is not inclined to snooze on the job. She likes to go to the gym a lot. So was trying to think of something that would enhance her gym experience.