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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Friends who love your Nanny ...

71 replies

Tiggus · 20/01/2005 16:49

... a little too much. My neighbours / friends love our great nanny who started 4 months ago, so much that they have started asking her to do ad hoc babysitting as they know my hours are flexible (work at home PhD student). Nanny has said yes once or twice but has very sensibly asked me what I think of it. I am now uncomfortable with the situation as she is getting asked with little notice and already works a 40 hour week for me. Any ideas on how to knock this one on the head without ruining friendships?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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secur · 20/01/2005 16:57

Message withdrawn

bakedpotato · 20/01/2005 17:06

if she's working for you the next day, i wouldn't want her to be out late at theirs (i expect she wouldn't like that either). but it's difficult, if she feels the money is worth it. what does she think?
we do a nannyshare, with a night's babysitting per month for both families, and it was agreed when we set this up that it wouldn't be fair on the kids or the nanny to keep her out past 10.30pm on a night before a working day IYSWIM.
i think i'd mention it to the neighbours in a gentle, 'sorry to mention this, but we don't want to wear her out' sort of way, as long as you have the nanny's blessing to do so.

Uwila · 20/01/2005 18:03

ooooo, tough one. I know this is of little help, but I'd sort it sooner rather than later. Is there anything in the contract? My contract says that she can work for other families with my consent, and that I will always be her primary source of income.

Original poster

Tiggus · 21/01/2005 12:54

Problem solved for the moment - spoke to nanny re financial issues - does she need the money ? SHe said not, so we agreed to no overtime with other local families. If she feels in dire financial need will join an occasional sitter's agency, but she also does not want to tired looking after our little one. And yes, it is inher contract to only work for us so that gave us the back-up needed to feel that we could tell neighbour to back off.

Plucked up courage to call neighbour, who was very disappointed and gave me a big guilt trip that she wouldn't be able to go to cinema next week / DH's work party the week after if she didn't have a sitter. Begrudgingly accepted the point that nanny was on a long week already ... hopefully will be able to smooth things over when next see her.

Unfortunately her friendhsip seems to be based on whether or not you can help her out (no regular help, 18 month old & another on the way). DOn't have time or money to support her ... altho I do wish we lived in a society where both were more readily available!!

OP posts:

Uwila · 21/01/2005 13:37

Tiggus, to appease the situation, maybe you could offer for her little one to come to your house for those two occassions only. Then, if she wants to go out badly enough, she can do that. But, it isn't quite so convenient that she'll want to make a habit of it. It sort of gives you the opportunity to save face without allowing yourself to be walked on.

bakedpotato · 21/01/2005 13:47

your neighbour badly needs to get a grip and sort out her own babysitter. i'm sure that when she stops to think about it, she will be really embarrassed that she tried to guiltrip you. you've done nothing wrong, there's no face to save. you're just protecting the successful arrangement you have with your nanny, which is probably one of the most important relationships you have right now.

collision · 21/01/2005 13:48

also, couldnt you see if your nanny has a friend who could babysit instead.

Hanlou007 · 21/01/2005 13:48

If it is in the nannys own time i cant see what the problem is....Does your boss at work tell you what you can and cant do in your own time????

40 hrs per week is short for a nanny...i used to work nearly 60 hrs and know many that work 11 to 12 hr days...and still do their work very well

bakedpotato · 21/01/2005 13:51

i was under the impression that the nanny doesn't want to work longer hours and has already said that she doesn't need more money.

Uwila · 21/01/2005 14:50

SOrry. When I said save face I didn't mean to suggest you had done anything worng. Bad choice of words on my part. Just meant that even though you had nothing to be blamed for, perhaps you could offer a small gesture just as a friendly neighbor trying to help. Though, I don't think you are obligated to do this. Just though it might help any tension -- which is not your fault anyway.

Sponge · 21/01/2005 14:57

Why doesn't your friend just joind Sitters.co.uk? They supply babysitters at short notice, they're all qualified childcarers or parents and their charges are very reasonable (less than my afternoon childminder charges to babysit).

Beetroot · 21/01/2005 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lockets · 21/01/2005 15:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Earlybird · 21/01/2005 15:58

Think you must be very careful about the slippery slope of offering for a neighbor's children to come to your house and be watched by your nanny. It is amazing to me how many times I am called by mums of dd's school mates to ask if my nanny could "pick up little Isabel at school and take her with you to Tumbletots as you're going anyway", or would my nanny mind if little Anna came over after school as mum has an appointment and can't find a sitter.

These mums would never dream of imposing on me, but somehow it's different with someone who is being paid to look after a child - there very much seems to be an attitude of "what's one more anyway, and besides little Sam isn't much trouble...." I want to be helpful (and so does my nanny), but we're both very careful about what we volunteer for as we don't want it to become a regular/expected thing. After all, I'm paying for the nanny's time and nanny contracted to work for a single child family.

Original poster

Tiggus · 21/01/2005 16:55

Good to get support on you guys from this one. In terms of appeasement, I do run a weekly singing group for the local little peeps, neighbour comes to that.

All in all, I am more interested in protecting the arrangement that nanny and I have - and which we are BOTH v happy with.

THANK YOU ALL for your support and will get back in touch if gets tricky again ...

OP posts:

nannyL · 24/01/2009 13:19

sorry but IMO my time is my time

i work my 42 hours week for my bosses as per my contract, and so long as what i do is legal, and doesnt affect my work, and im not too tired etc what i do with the other 126 hours of my week is up to me.

i will always babysit for my bosses if they ask me to, but if other people ask me to then i can do (and do) and dont need to ask my bosses permission, and they wouldnt expect me to ask them either!

as for being asked with little Notice she is an adult and can easiluy say No!
I am happy to babysit when it suits me and if i have had a long week, or am asked to babysit tonight and i just dont feel like it i say no!

nannyL · 24/01/2009 13:20

sorry no idea how i got to this thread from 4 years ago!!!!!!!!! lol

PaulaMummyKnowsBest · 24/01/2009 13:30

lol nannyL

you must have too much time on you hands

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/01/2009 14:50

thread may be 4 years old

but yes what a nanny does in her own time is up to her as long as doesnt effect her during working hours for her employer

would never sign a contract saying that i couldnt work for anyone else, whether in evening as a babysitter or during the day if not working

my time is my own!!

RachieB · 24/01/2009 19:19

i agree!

quite cheeky if you ask me

Tiramissu · 24/01/2009 19:55

Are you for real?

What has to do with you what your nanny is doing in her free time? You dont 'own' her.

And anyway she could not do extra work but party every night till 3 in the morning

Tiramissu · 24/01/2009 19:55

Are you for real?

What has to do with you what your nanny is doing in her free time? You dont 'own' her.

And anyway she could not do extra work but party every night till 3 in the morning

Tiramissu · 24/01/2009 19:56

ops! sorry

ilovethecake · 25/01/2009 00:40

How funny this thread is 4 years old, and it's just celebrated it's birthday i think i should get out more often, oh talking about going out, i too am a nanny and have never asked my employer if they minded me babysitting for other families, it's a great way to make extra money!! I had a day off the other day and when my boss asked if i had a good rest i explained that i worked with another family, and she was fine with that, it was my day off after all and what i decide to do on that day is up to me!!!!!

AtheneNoctua · 25/01/2009 10:21

I think it is fair for a an employer to stipulate that they are the nanny's primary source of income. You could potentially get into a situation where you hire a nanny for a set rate of pay, neighbor comes along and offers nanny more money, and the your nanny is never available when you need her.

In practice, of course I'm happy for my nanny to do as she wishes on her own free time. But, it's not really true to say that it's none of my business if someone else is poaching her.

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