Friends who love your Nanny ...

[Tiggus]

... a little too much. My neighbours / friends love our great nanny who started 4 months ago, so much that they have started asking her to do ad hoc babysitting as they know my hours are flexible (work at home PhD student). Nanny has said yes once or twice but has very sensibly asked me what I think of it. I am now uncomfortable with the situation as she is getting asked with little notice and already works a 40 hour week for me. Any ideas on how to knock this one on the head without ruining friendships?

I would look for a new job then. What a disrespectful way to treat the person caring for your children.

Easier said than done as you probably know! Plus I've only been here 4 months, I have a 2 month notice period in the contract and the poor kid has had enough upheaval in the last year anyway.

I'll stick it til September and then reconsider but I'm hoping I'll have a postgrad offer by then anyway.

If only it was that easy! I hope the mum realises how lucky she is to have you (though I'm sure she doesn't )

She sounds like a nightmare. Is it not illegal for her to break the contract like that?

frannikin - what a nightmare

and what a selfish mb you have - i understand she may have a work thing, but if you haver plan ( as you ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE A LIFE an)d you get cover, then what is the problem?

Oh Frannikin, you poor thing!

That is completely unreasonable. Some people!

I would make sure that next time she comes out with something like "there is no overtime pay" you can point out that this is NOT the job you were led to believe, the terms you agreed to are not being met and that you're sure she wouldn't want someone who was desperately unhappy and resentful looking after her children. It's such an awful feeling that you'd be letting the child down if you left but frankly, the Mum is letting you down badly. I'm not sure what she'd respond to unless you got tough with her and no one wants a bad atmosphere but she's giving you NO respect.

Thankfully my boss is fantastic about not intruding on my private time but I'm live out. She has grumped about the fact I'm taking my honeymoon during term time but my contract says I'm entitled to choose 2 weeks during the year and that's a different kettle of fish. I think the fact that she feels obliged to pay me the same hourly rate for babysitting helps make up her mind to choose her cousin or other relative... or even the cleaner who's cheaper than me! We always find a way to arrange cover if I can't make it though I try to just so it's easy for them.

Oh Frannikin, you poor thing!

That is completely unreasonable. Some people!

I would make sure that next time she comes out with something like "there is no overtime pay" you can point out that this is NOT the job you were led to believe, the terms you agreed to are not being met and that you're sure she wouldn't want someone who was desperately unhappy and resentful looking after her children. It's such an awful feeling that you'd be letting the child down if you left but frankly, the Mum is letting you down badly. I'm not sure what she'd respond to unless you got tough with her and no one wants a bad atmosphere but she's giving you NO respect.

Thankfully my boss is fantastic about not intruding on my private time but I'm live out. She has grumped about the fact I'm taking my honeymoon during term time but my contract says I'm entitled to choose 2 weeks during the year and that's a different kettle of fish. I think the fact that she feels obliged to pay me the same hourly rate for babysitting helps make up her mind to choose her cousin or other relative... or even the cleaner who's cheaper than me! We always find a way to arrange cover if I can't make it though I try to just so it's easy for them.

She's a twit. Get a new job, then resign.

Next time she says sputters some tosh like "I have you so I don't have to come home" you should reply "You don't have to come because you have me. And I'm here for the paycheque. Same reason you go to work. They pay you, and youpay me. That's how it works."

Ok, don't really say that.

Incidentally, does your contract actually say you may be required to work overtime for no additonal pay? If not, you might want to point out that she can not add details that weren't agreed in the contract.

I can't understand why someone else can't look after the kids while you are out. Why is that?

love it athene - think you should say that frannikin, i would - but then again i wouldnt let my boss treat me the way you let yours treat you

i know my mb respects me, as i do her
what does your contract say?

On second thought I think I prefer this response:

"You don't have to come because you have me. And if you'd like to keep it that way then you should pay me."

Oh God, I'm going to get you fired. Don't listen to me.

Are you going to beat me? Or did you think I was going to bake something?

I believe she's giving you the wooden spoon to help you stir things

om nom nom cake...

if you want to cook me a cake - would LOVE one

WWW what ARE you insinuating

stirring - me - never!!

confiscates the wooden spoon

Please don't tempt me, I have seriously considered something of the sort. I've also considered saying "right, I've worked my hours for this month, see you on the 1st of next!"

But then I did say at interview I was prepared to be flexible (meaning 15 minutes leeway in the evenings) - clearly she meant yoga-fiend flexible. My contract says bugger all about overtime for additional pay. And despite my A in GCSE maths I can't for the life of me figure out how she's calculated my hours! In fact my contract is exceedingly strange on a couple of points. Suspect French law has soemthing to do with it. I may go on strike....

This woman doesn't respect anyone. You should see how she treats the other staff...I'm positively lucky! And despite the fact no-one else is allowed to look after her child (only one, older mother?), she doesn't seem to want him 90% of the time however she pays me handsomely for doing it instead. The only problem is she seems to think she owns my soul. I mentioned taking some holiday to her (only to be taken during school holidays when child can go to grandparents) and pointed out that she'd booked up both half-term and Easter holidays and I'd like some time off, please. The thought clearly hadn't occurred!

I'm going to lose it one day.

My contract says bugger all about overtime for additional pay.

you signed a contract with no real set hours or over time

tbh dont think you have a leg to stand on

find a new job asap honey x

Ah, I worked for a french family once and had similar kind of "What do you mean, you want a life? YOU ARE OUR SERVANT! YOU MUST BE AT OUR BECK AND CALL 24/7! AND IRON MY KNICKERS WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!" attitude as well. Must be something cultural.

Does sound like she's a nightmare boss though. I can imagine how she treats the other staff, once I turned down a job because the lady was badmouthing her housekeeper in the interview ("she's obviously not very intelligent or she wouldn't be cleaning my house for me... but her English is... well, mediocre... maybe you will be able to understand her but don't bother trying too hard..." that kind of thing)

Poor you, does sound like you should think about moving on. Putting your foot down with these people, I fear, will just make them find some poor servile wretch who is just grateful for the money, sowing the seeds in the next generation of an "Actually, my money CAN buy people's souls!" outlook on life.

Bleurgh. Rant over! Go work for a nice Kiwi family who all muck in

You could try telling jokes:

Q: Why are the streets in France all lined with trees?
A: Because the Germans like to march in the shade.

That will annoy her.

Again, I am kidding. Don't take my advice.

I have a monthly total of hours. I can't work out how she squeezed the job I'm actually doing into them but that's another point. I have a contract which says the total number of hours I work a month. I just don't have overtime pay written in. Lesson duly learned. Previously employers have been really good about not making me do overtime and paying over the odds when I do! NN it's exactly that attitude I find hard to cope with. I don't mind doing the long hours - he's at school half the time anyway so I do have time off in the day to do my own thing. It's the total lack of give in the relationship from their side that gets me. Although I do have stuff about time off in lieu of working weekends in the contract....

Despite the whingeing I'm currently indulging in there's a lot of good about this job. It pays well (mercenary me...), I get a completely separate flat in one of the nicest bits of Paris that they pay for, he'll be in full time school next year some my hours will drop drastically for the same pay and benefits if I stay and I can study in my free time thus eliminating the need for further student debt. It's not ideal but it'll do for now. I just needed to blow off steam a little about their general attitude, which thankfully I don't have to deal with most of the time.

sniggers quietly at AtheneNoctua

Can I sue you if you get me fired?