How do people with office jobs make pick up time?

[Duv]

I live in London about an hour from my office in central London, and have my 1 yr old in a nursery that operates 8am-6pm. This just about works for us as I WFH a fair bit and have some my office core hours are 10-4.

But we are planning on moving further out, outside London and commuting about 1.5hrs. Looking a nurseries and childminders in the local area of the new town almost none are open beyond 5.30, and 5 seems to be the norm, with some only open till 4! I appreciate 1.5hrs is a longer commute than most, but even if I had my existing commute time (and I think 1hr is pretty normal for a central London job) I have no idea how anyone is managing to pick up their child before 5.30? Aren't typically working hours 9-5.30? How are you guys doing it?

We were in the situation twenty years ago. Solutions our friendship group used:

Au pair
Nanny
Live in central London in a shoe box
Stagger hours - so your partner goes in very early while you do drop off. He does pick up while you work late
One person gets a local job

We did on a few occasions put our twins in the workplace nursery on central London when I had an operation. I can tell you commuting with two toddlers is a fucking nightmare.

I technically work in London and have a 2 hour door to door commute, I drop DS at breakfast club for 7.30 and DH does the pick up from after school club at 5.30.

But I essentially only work 10-4 those days (mostly for the off peak train tbh! The cost is eye watering) I WFH the rest of time. I wouldn't be happy doing it more than once a week, mostly due to cost.

I think you need to negotiate to be in the office one day a week max, and not the same day, for this to be remotely doable

don’t take your kid on a 3 hour return commute!

people I know who commute never do it on the same day as their partner, and have a lot of grandparent help to hand

A Nanny is the only thing that is fair for the poor child.
The school day is long and taxing as it is.
The solution needs to be sustainable for many years...until your child is about fourteen and able to get themselves home from school.
Could a grandparent pick up your child after school and take them home, do readers, cook dinner and bathe the child?
Could you share a Nanny with a friend?
Could you work in with a friend or neighbour?

14 yo?
That's bonkers. Sorry.

Nanny
Au pair
After school childminder
Family

But having seen many people leave London for the vagaries of the train network and the hell in committing to pickup, I’d say your only option is a nanny or family.

Unless money is no object and a nanny is a possibility etc something usually has to give. I paid a lady who used to do childminding to pick up both kids from nursery and get them home to mine and feed them some tea. Then picked school with breakfast and after-school club etc. For a while when they were little I just had to reduce my hours it got too complicated. I've no idea how we managed or afforded it all you have my sympathy.

Well actually no, jobs outside London don't exist for a lot of us too.
I don't know what OP does for work but I don't think any of us would choose to commute to London if we didn't have to.

Honestly I think before you move, you need to get confirmed WFH days that put one of you locally every day for pick-up. If that's impossible, you'll need to look at jobs that allow you to have that.

If you're that far out and a costal town, what happens when there's an issue with the train lines? Because there will be many, and I can't see any nursery provider happy to stick around for hours until you get back. That would be a non-negotiable for me. The only reason I was happy to commute in on days DS was in nursery was because there were 4 train routes that brought me close enough to then hop in an Uber if my main line had issues.

I changed my working hours so I start very early but then can finish early to do pick up. My DH does drop off in the morning but then finishes late. Luckily he WFH permanently and I can choose to either WFH or if I have to go into the office it's still very close to the kids school

In my office, by leaving those of us without kids to pick up the slack. It’s a magical passport where I work for seemingly unlimited time off.

These important and rare jobs are better paid than monkey jobs so it's often a possibility to pay a London rent or pay a nanny.

Most office jobs do exist outside London. If not find another job to make ends meet.

Or you retrain (like a lot of parents do) to avoid 3 hours commute and be a part of the childrens' life.

You can't get all. Only a few of us are paid enough to have a nice place next to London, children, a Nanny and a dream job.

Younger than 14 isn’t really reasonable for a child to get themselves home from school and then be alone until around 7pm when their parents get back from central London to the coast. It’s not just walking home, is it, apps problem is a 6pm pick up.

No children around here have a nanny at 14 yo. But of course your choice.

And if you think it’s reasonable to leave a 12&13 year old to get themselves home, cook their own dinner and be alone until after 7pm regularly during the week then that’s your choice too. Sounds miserable for the child.

Flexi time and sharing drop offs/pick ups with partner.

We managed a 2 hour commute each way, with 7-6 nursery hours.

Person 1: drop off at nursery at 7, in work by 9
Person 2: straight to work, in work by 8

Person 2: leave work at 4, pick up from nursery at 6
Person 1: leave work whenever

It was exhausting. We did it three days per week for 4 years. Family help on the other two days.

Yes, this. The vibe mattered a lot to me too, but so did minimising commute time with childcare. So we live in a pretty nice but not nearly as “vibe-y” Surrey town/village near a fast train station.

London workplaces are returning to the office more and more. The tubes and trains are packed Tuesday-> Thursday and increasingly now Monday.
For every company that “gave up lots of office space” I hear of others expanding again.
Having read your update just be prepared that one of you may need to swap to a local job or go part-time as unless you can enshrine your days at home, it might be tricky.

We have a 1.5hr commute into London. What we do / have done is:

• Only one parents does the long commute, the other works more locally.
• If both parents commute they don’t go in on the same day
• One drops and the other picks up
• Nanny
• Private schools offer longer hours for working parents. One near us even says something like this on their website ‘we appreciate many parents commute to London, we offer flexible wrap around childcare’ etc
• Our school is very helpful for when the train-line or main motorway goes down, literally 20-30 kids taken in for tea and board games as their parents are all stuck, without any drama or late fees etc.
• We also have robust back up plans of people who could collect in an emergency and we do likewise when friends have unexpected issues.

I'm at home from 2.30 pm to look after my children. Don't worry.
My husband is home at 4.30 pm.

But we don't live in London. We would like to. Sure.

Can father not do pick ups?

So what’s the relevance to no one you know having a nanny? Your lifestyle is nothing like OP’s.

Alternate your WFH days with your partner so one of you is home most days. Then on that other days do the 'one in early, one in late' option.

When we left London my DH was still commuting five days a week but we live on a train line with a 40 min fast train to Kings X. So I had to give up work for a few years.

Post COVID he only has to go in two days a week so now I am part time. But both of ours are in school now, and then the 3.20pm pick up is actually worse for a lot of families as finding wrap around care can be tricky.

I think ultimately that commute will be unsustainable unless it's only a couple days a week for each of you.

We commute about an hour to London, Dh on a train before 7am, I'd follow tad later. We used childminder as there was no other option, no family, no friends near by, just us.
She is open 7:30am - 6pm. My office was at Liverpool Street right outside the station so even taking later train i was still at my desk on time where as his was further afield in London.

So, I'd do the drop off normally unless he was WFH, we would swap when possible. Then pick up before 6pm. Once or twice in all that time the trains was fucked and we couldn't get there till almost 6:30pm, but she was amazing.

Childminder would do school runs, we both been working full time all the time, most of that was before Covid and before WFH was a norm.

exactly this - in the nursery years i started at 8 and ended at 4h30 and my husband dropped off and stayed a bit late getting home for 7