How do people with office jobs make pick up time?

[Duv]

I live in London about an hour from my office in central London, and have my 1 yr old in a nursery that operates 8am-6pm. This just about works for us as I WFH a fair bit and have some my office core hours are 10-4.

But we are planning on moving further out, outside London and commuting about 1.5hrs. Looking a nurseries and childminders in the local area of the new town almost none are open beyond 5.30, and 5 seems to be the norm, with some only open till 4! I appreciate 1.5hrs is a longer commute than most, but even if I had my existing commute time (and I think 1hr is pretty normal for a central London job) I have no idea how anyone is managing to pick up their child before 5.30? Aren't typically working hours 9-5.30? How are you guys doing it?

Mine used to love it! He was in the sling, so not under anyone’s feet/no risk of getting squashed.

Toronto though, so not as crowded.

I worked out if have to leave the office at 3pm to guarantee that I'd be able to pick up by 5:30pm closure time. I have no Plan B other than DH with a similar commute. So ended up going note part time than I intended. 3 days - then used a wrap around childminder for 2 days and WFH with an arrangement to start working at 6am so I could finish at 4pm.

Those days are gone now but I was SO tired. Necessary to keep a foot on the career ladder though.

Around here (commuter belt) the nurseries are typically open until 6.30pm.

Aupairs

I negotiated/told my boss that for the last hour of the day I'd be clearing my inbox/messages on the commute, so left an hour early (but it was clear I was still 'working' as I'd be pinging everyone replies!)

Without that I seriously doubt I would've been able to continue my career (single parent).

I picked a nursery near my office, but I didn’t have anywhere near that commute. I reduced to 4 days per week and DH condensed hours to 4 days so we only had three days to worry about. But it’s not the nursery years that are the hardest with FT work - it’s the school years. After school childcare, breakfast clubs, fitting in evening activities and clubs, getting home to pick up a sick child from school, the holidays, the bank holidays (if you work them). A flexible employer was key at that stage. And then there’s the first year or so of high school - no childcare, and they’re home alone until you get back from work, and to begin with, you worry about leaving them too long by themselves. Personally, I’d be wary of relying on wfh always being a possibility if my office was 1.5 hrs away unless I had a cast iron guarantee that was going to continue and my employer was pretty flexible.

Are all the people saying a 1.5h commute is unreasonable different to the people who tell everyone they can't possibly hope to be able to afford to live in London and should move hours away and commute in?

It's really difficult. I gave up my London job (1.5hr commute) when I had DD.

It's worse when they start school. Many finish at 3pm and not all have useful wraparound provision. My DD wouldn't cope with being in wraparound full time anyway as it would just be too much being 'on' socially.

I think it's almost impossible to make a 1.5hr commute work for both parents when you have school age children unless you have willing grandparents around the corner or whatever.

This. Before wfh was a thing I left at 7ish to get into office at 8am so I could leave early and pick up at 5.45ish. My dh did the drop off at nursery, got into office at 9 but then could work late.

DH wfh two days a week, I wfh two different days a week and my mum picks them up on the one other day. It's a juggling act and I have to be really organised as DH doesn't always have the same two days wfh.

I did this with my third, one hour commute each way. I LOVED it, it was tiring in both of us but it also was our special time. We had our breakfast in the train, then we read a book, she might even colour. We had cold dinner and books on the way back too (and she had her hot meal in the nursery).

I would schedule enough time for us to walk without being too stressed (and we made a game of her mostly running from and to the station).

Now she is in school and I really really miss our commute together.

I don’t think the question is how do people with office jobs make it work, it’s how do people with full time jobs in London (or anywhere with a long commute make it work)

1.5 hour commute doesn’t sound realistic, or only so if drop offs and pick ups we’re split between 2 parents and office hours for each of you are flexible.

i work in an office, but it’s 10 minutes drive away and has free parking, so it isn’t an issue. I haven’t chosen jobs a long way away as I need to have flexibility and on the occasions school have called and they are sick I don’t want to be 1.5 hours away. I also want to be able to get to the school play, sports day etc without needing half a days leave. It’s not possible for everyone, and I know 10 minutes is unusually short but your new office location seems a bit to the other extreme

It can be done. I live in a city suburb with lots of professional parents. My wrap around childcare (run by my daughter's nursery, located in a church next to her very large primary school) covers 7am until 6.30pm, her nursery did the same hours. The actual school offers 7.30am until 5.50pm.

I had a 1.5 hr commute although often 2 hours back every day. I would drop off at 8am in the dot to get in before my 10am start, DH had a 30 minute drive to work and would work earlier and leave earlier to pick up but our nursery was 8 to 6. School has good wrap around care for us from 7:30 to 6 but in the holidays it’s been hard to find camps that finished after 5.

If moving you have consider when your child is at school and what happens in the holidays.

Post Covid - we juggle. Pre Covid and when they were little, I choose a nursery half way to work and it opened 0800 and shut at 1800. A fair few of us were there at 1755 for pick up. For a while I then had them at after school club which shut 1745 and I left work 15 minutes early for my hour commute. Not easy.

Our nursery was open until 6.30pm (commuter town in Essex). I had flexible working in my contract to only be in London two days a week, and my MIL did pick up if I couldn't make it home in time.

Nowadays we both mainly WFH and everyone works flexible hours when we are in the office, so most parents leave around 4pm and log on again later.

You need a back-up if the trains stop running - I wouldn't want both of us in London without knowing my MIL was around. Realistically, if Covid hadn't happened I suspect I would have left my London job and found something local, as it was clearly going to just be too difficult with both of us commuting.

ETA - good point about holiday clubs from a previous poster. Around here only the really expensive private ones (like Barracudas) have late pick-up til 6pm. School club is only until 5pm, and all the sports clubs are either half day or end at 4pm.

What about an Au Pair?

We both work full time and have no help and no family. The only way it works is that both of us WFH unless travelling for business which is usually once a month for both of us. Otherwise you need a nanny. You'd be mad to do a 1.5 hour commute with a small child in tow regularly. It would be actual hell if they weren't feeling well.

Flexible work from home and changing our work hours for us. Although in your situation I'd choose to live somewhere smaller and nearer than move out.

I work in London and have just over an hour commute. I only commute two days a week. I do drop offs. Eldest at breakfast club at school 7:30 and baby at nursery at 8am. My husband picks up in the evening. I couldn't do both with my hours. It's crap but it's only for two days a week. I work the other two days at home. Eldest doesn't go breakfast club or afterschool on those days. Baby is only in nursery one of those days and is looked after at home by a grand parent.

most nurseries around here are 8-6pm.

Is live in child care no longer economic feasible- ? harking back to the series Cold Feet where there was a live in Spanish nanny. Never hear of it now . My friend was a live in nanny for a family and stayed quite a few years . The mother of the family had a career and job she loved with sometimes a long commute or even travel. She says there would have no way she could have achieved this without her nanny.

In answer to your question 'how do people in office jobs make pick up time?', well most generally don't live a 90 minute commute away from home and the child's nursery. Why are you moving so far away from work if it doesn't suit your setup? I'd shelve the idea of moving, or if you must, then look closer to where you are now if that's where you need to be.
Other options are nannies or au pairs, changing job to one closer to where you want to live, changing childcare provider to closer to work, a flexible working request to enable working from home for one or both of you all the time, or some of the time so one of you is always there to do pick up.
Don't make your life harder than it needs to be by creating a new problem with moving house

People wondering why I would want to move to have a longer commute:

We can't afford the quality of life we want in London or just outside London. We live in a tiny flat, my baby sleeps next to my wfh set up (which won't be sustainable once we're out the cot stage). We don't like where we live now, but everywhere else we look in London or very near it that we can afford doesn't offer the quality of life we want in terms of area (no shops, next to a motorway, boring) - it doesn't matter to everyone, but we've learnt the vibe of our local area is really important to us.

We have found an affordable lovely town by the coast that is everything we want and it's always been our dream to live by the seaside so we feel it will be a much happier place to bring up a child. But the big draw back is the commute is long. But my commute is already long, so at least it would feel worth it!

Honestly who can afford to:
-live a short commute from their central London job?
-have a nanny?
-go part-time?

Live closer to work not further away.

Gardens are overrated.