Paid support with newborn twins

[LottieR92]

Hi all,

I’m a first time single mum expecting twins and don’t have any family support nearby.

I’ll be taking a year of mat leave but I’d like to get some occasional support for the first 6 months - 1 year and wondering which will be most helpful and accessible. The options I’m considering are:

• A mother’s help or doula for a couple of hours twice per week. I’m thinking this might allow me to have a shower, have a nap, generally a bit of a break. They might also help with tidying up a bit too? However I’m not sure if they’d expect something more full-time?
• A night nanny once per week to give me a night off and let me get more sleep. However, I plan to breastfeed so I’m not sure how worthwhile this would be. My thinking is that I could express and every other feed could be given by bottle so I can get longer stretches of sleep.
• An au pair. This is for the huge bonus of introducing my babies to a second language as well as help with things like laundry and again allowing me to have a shower etc. I’m aware au pairs wouldn’t be able to have any sole charge of the baby however for a similar cost they’d be around a more and able to offer a second pair of hands. I’m not sure if an au pair would want this kind of role (newborns and mother at home full-time). I’m also not sure how I’ll feel about adapting to someone living with me at the same time as adapting to two new babies.
• Housekeeper/nanny - with more of an emphasis on housekeeping for help with cleaning, laundry, cooking, again for a few hours twice per week but I’m not sure how easy this position would be to fill.

I’d love to hear others’ experiences before I start to contact agencies and look for someone! Also any insights from anyone who does one of these roles on the expectations.

Thank you!

What's your budget? These options vary wildly in price.

My friend got help through the NHS as she had twins and a child under 2. Not sure how widely available that was - it wasn't based on income.
Personally I like the idea of the 4th option because it would take a lot of stress off knowing that house jobs were done.

It’s a lot more difficult to get an au pair now than before brexit. Do you have a spare room and live in a town with good activities?

I also wouldn’t expect your babies to learn a second language from an au pair, as most of the language around them will be English as she speaks to you etc.

These options are all in budget based on the frequency/hours mentioned in my OP.

Won't be available any more unless there are social services concerns

I also have a friend who would jump at the chance of a part time nanny role rather than full time which is what they all appear to be in her area.

@Tubetrain yes that's what I thought. Such a shame.

I live in a big city a 5 minute walk from the high street and transport links. My house is three stories so she could have the top floor with her own bedroom and bathroom. I’d ask her to talk to them in her home language and I think it’s the value of being exposed to another language from such a young age that would make it easier when later being taught in a more formal way. Having said that the language is more of a bonus and the main reason is support for me!

To be honest if money is no object I’d look at all options. The au pair is a great idea if you have the space. Then a cleaner and a night nurse at the minimum.

Thanks, I think you’re right! I’m not sure how appealing the role would be because it would be mostly housework and I imagine anyone with childcare experience would want a mainly childcare based role?

Money isn’t no object! Au pairs now have to be paid NMW for a minimum of 25 hours and the cost of a night nanny once per week is similar so I can only really afford one of these options.

There's usually a fairly clear separation between cleaner/housekeeper type jobs and childcare.

You'd be able to get a cleaner/housekeeper who came twice a week and cleaned/changed beds/did laundry etc very easily.

Not sure how easily you'd be able to add childcare into that.

Based on the advice on costs on agency websites. I’m just asking for advice on which would be most valuable not advice on cost.

A night nurse sounds amazing . Br aware that pumping is time consuming and can be difficult. If you're breastfeeding twins you may not have time to pump too.
But a night nurse could give them formula.

Thanks, I haven’t been offered anything and it hasn’t been mentioned by my midwife so I’m assuming it isn’t available but I’ll definitely ask!

For cooking, you might want to look at Cook foods or Wiltshire Farm Foods - basically, frozen food but made with “proper” ingredients. The twins won’t need cooked food for a while so that’s really to support your nutrition

I’m a first time mum so might be being stupid but I thought with breastfeeding you had to feed or express every few hours even during the night?

Au pairs tend to be young with all the issues associated with being in your late teens/early 20s & being away from home. We host successfully but I wouldn’t want the mental load on top of baby twins. Also, foreign language au pairs typically can’t get a working visa for the U.K. - you are really restricted to WHV holders which are Canadian, Aussie, New Zealanders in the main.

I would get a part time nanny who is happy to help around the house; you’ll find someone who is keen especially if you can offer school hours.

Live out is around £20 per hour in my area.

Why should it be state funded?

A housekeeper who likes children would be the perfect solution, mostly their responsibility will be cleaning, sorting, change beds, laundry and a bit of meal prep but willing to watch the babies whilst you shower, take a nap and even pop out for essentials. An older lady who has children, perhaps grandchildren of their own would be perfect and the sort of role i personally would be up for when I stop my proper job (added bonus, I used to be a volunteer breastfeeding support person, think I've found a future job option!)

If neither of you speak the language, it won't stick once the au pair leaves