Paid support with newborn twins

[LottieR92]

Hi all,

I’m a first time single mum expecting twins and don’t have any family support nearby.

I’ll be taking a year of mat leave but I’d like to get some occasional support for the first 6 months - 1 year and wondering which will be most helpful and accessible. The options I’m considering are:

• A mother’s help or doula for a couple of hours twice per week. I’m thinking this might allow me to have a shower, have a nap, generally a bit of a break. They might also help with tidying up a bit too? However I’m not sure if they’d expect something more full-time?
• A night nanny once per week to give me a night off and let me get more sleep. However, I plan to breastfeed so I’m not sure how worthwhile this would be. My thinking is that I could express and every other feed could be given by bottle so I can get longer stretches of sleep.
• An au pair. This is for the huge bonus of introducing my babies to a second language as well as help with things like laundry and again allowing me to have a shower etc. I’m aware au pairs wouldn’t be able to have any sole charge of the baby however for a similar cost they’d be around a more and able to offer a second pair of hands. I’m not sure if an au pair would want this kind of role (newborns and mother at home full-time). I’m also not sure how I’ll feel about adapting to someone living with me at the same time as adapting to two new babies.
• Housekeeper/nanny - with more of an emphasis on housekeeping for help with cleaning, laundry, cooking, again for a few hours twice per week but I’m not sure how easy this position would be to fill.

I’d love to hear others’ experiences before I start to contact agencies and look for someone! Also any insights from anyone who does one of these roles on the expectations.

Thank you!

I had a cleaner. I wanted to know house was tidy and clean but I wanted to be the one cuddling dc. Also, dd1 didn’t sleep and screamed for 4 months whereas twins were premature and slept beautifully. It was when they were toddlers I could have done with the help. They could be super cute or tantrum. It was a lot.

Re breastfeeding - After 4-5 weeks with my first, DH took him on Saturday nights with expressed milk and I slept through. Yes, your breasts are sore with milk when you wake up but it’s one night a week and you have established a pattern of feeding during the day and the other nights, so you should be ok to go without expressing for several hours.

Yes and your prolactin is highest at something like 3am so the night feeds are super important. But trying to pump enough during the day for twins to drink all night might be a big ask and more pressure.

A friend of mine has twins and they had a night nurse for a while. She got the nurse to bring the babies to her to feed, but the nurse did nappy changing, clothes changing, burping etc. She literally just fed them

I was an au pair. To be honest, I wouldn't have known what to do with babies, certainly not two of them!!

Homestart (I think it's called) will often help with twins especially when you're a single parent. I'd specifically ask the health visitor about what help is available.

A night nanny isn't as useful if you're breastfeeding, but it would mean you could just feed and go back to sleep and not deal with nappies/changes/soothing etc. Everything feels worse at night and I'd have found the times when both are screaming/one needs feeding and the other has done a massive poo overwhelming on my own.

Maybe night nanny at first and then switch to day time depending on how they are at night, how well you get on with tandem feeding (I hated it but still exclusively breast fed).

I'd ask your original question in the breastfeeding twins and multiples group on FB, you will get useful replies from twin mums and not interrogation about costs!

I wouldn’t expect it to just magically stick, I’d make sure they continued learning of course! I just think it would be great to be exposed from such a young age - but only if it works as a form of childcare/support more generally which is the main aim of what I’m looking for.

The difference is that you have to run around tidying up for a cleaner. A housekeeper does a much border range of tasks - laundry, tidying up, running errands, cooking and lots of agencies offer nanny/housekeepers who can also watch the babies for 20 minutes etc.

I would do a combination of the first 3.

If you're breastfeeding twins then pumping give a faff you don't want. It's takes time and then you have to wash bottles/ the pump etc. You can't just give formula randomly for one night a week, you'll give yourself mastitis at worse or wake in a soggy puddle at best.

If you're really on your own I'd recommend a night nurse for the immediate post partum phase- when paternity would normally cover. If you could do twice a week for 4 weeks it would probably really help- just as 2 babies can potentially be unsettled all night and you'll need to recover. You'll still have to feed them, but nanny can burp/ change/ settle. You stay in bed.

I wouldn't want an au pair immediately after having a baby- you'll want to sit around with boobs out, unshowered and potentially messy house. It's not the time to deal with living with a stranger. I think potentially a mother's help for 2 days a week would be good. Look at uni student's, lots of nursing/ teaching ones around here do work like this. Flexibility works for both of you.

Also maybe a cleaner once a month to come and do all the jobs you don't manage- clean fridge, skirting boards etc. Get a robot hoover to run around at 2am every night- that helps!

Thanks this is really helpful advice and glad you’ve found your future job! 😆

Thanks for your insight! It sounds like a nanny or housekeeper would be a better option then.

This depends hugely on how much your baby is feeding. If they're on 1 feed then skipping that can work but mine was doing every hour at 4/5 weeks. Op will be feeding twins.

Thank you, so reassuring to hear this!

in the very early days I would pour the resources into getting as much home help as you can into all the house stuff so you can focus on your babies, cleaning, laundry, cooking if you can. Expressing and bottles isn’t always as easy and can add more faff to your routine in the early days. As the babies get a bit older maybe a nanny for a couple of mornings a week too.

Nanny, and a hospital grade breast pump. If your twins come early and end up in NICU they will lend you one. Freeze your breastmilk for when you cannot go without sleep any longer.

🙈 appreciate the honesty! I’m definitely leaning away from the au pair option!

Sorry, yes, I meant to finish with a “every baby is different”

But if OP is able to express enough (a task in itself) then my experience is that I could sleep without waking up to express when it was my night off.

Equally, OP, I would think seriously about mixed feeding from early on. It will enable others to help you more readily.

Thank you! I I think that balance sounds manageable. Definitely thinking au pair is not a good idea! Would a mother’s help generally expect to help with light housework too e.g. laundry?

How does 4 hrs x £20 = 25 hrs x £10 (plus costs)?

Hi OP. Lots to think about here.

Something you’ve got mentioned but if you’re hoping to breastfeed I’d recommend finding a proper lactation consultant (IBCLC qualified) who can support you to get established. It’s generally advised not to pump in the first 6 weeks while you establish supply, but with twins and solo parenting it might be something you want to do so would be great to get help asap. A lot of people wait till they have difficulty before looking for help and it’s much better to be forearmed if this is important to you and you’re able to budget it in.

Having some sort of nanny or doula around for the first 2-3 weeks would be really sensible, however you give birth you’ll need time to recover, and someone who can make sure you’re able to eat, wash etc while you adjust to your babies will really help whatever you do after.

I think a helpful housekeeper who can keep things running for you and take a baby to let you shower or nap would be the ideal option. This is basically what my husband did with our first, I wanted my baby all the time and was breastfeeding and cosleeping so I just did all the baby stuff and he sorted the house/made sure I ate and facilitated showers. I wouldn’t have wanted someone taking my baby but help with the other stuff of life helps. I think you could advertise for a housekeeper/mother’s help and make it clear what you’re asking for. It’s not nannying, which would be more expensive.

You're right with this, definitely at the start while you're body is working on it's supply it's not recommended to give formula if you want to exclusively breastfeed (especially at night).

If you want to look more into the option though and to discuss how it all works you can get great support from the Breastfeeding Network helpline :)
For breastfeeding support please call the National Breastfeeding Helpline on 0300 100 0212.

Option one sounds good. I’ve not read the full thread but definitely recommend contacting Home Start, they offer support to parents with difficult circumstances including twins. I used them due to a disability and they were brilliant, two hours a week of free help.

Oh and get a cleaner if you can afford it so you can actually rest when the babies sleep rather than fretting about cleaning!

Another thing to consider would be help if you end up having to have a C-Section and can’t drive for 6 weeks. Recovering from that and having twins on your own will be rough

I have twins. Definitely anything that help with nights. Even if it means that they have formula for that feed (won’t mess with your supply once supply is established). So someone coming in, doing a feed or two and then, for example, doing or folding some laundry or tidying the kitchen or similar. So you wake up rested and a bit ahead for the day.

Au pairs tend to be unqualified and better for 3/4+, I wouldn’t be giving baby twins to an au pair.