Paid support with newborn twins

[LottieR92]

Hi all,

I’m a first time single mum expecting twins and don’t have any family support nearby.

I’ll be taking a year of mat leave but I’d like to get some occasional support for the first 6 months - 1 year and wondering which will be most helpful and accessible. The options I’m considering are:

• A mother’s help or doula for a couple of hours twice per week. I’m thinking this might allow me to have a shower, have a nap, generally a bit of a break. They might also help with tidying up a bit too? However I’m not sure if they’d expect something more full-time?
• A night nanny once per week to give me a night off and let me get more sleep. However, I plan to breastfeed so I’m not sure how worthwhile this would be. My thinking is that I could express and every other feed could be given by bottle so I can get longer stretches of sleep.
• An au pair. This is for the huge bonus of introducing my babies to a second language as well as help with things like laundry and again allowing me to have a shower etc. I’m aware au pairs wouldn’t be able to have any sole charge of the baby however for a similar cost they’d be around a more and able to offer a second pair of hands. I’m not sure if an au pair would want this kind of role (newborns and mother at home full-time). I’m also not sure how I’ll feel about adapting to someone living with me at the same time as adapting to two new babies.
• Housekeeper/nanny - with more of an emphasis on housekeeping for help with cleaning, laundry, cooking, again for a few hours twice per week but I’m not sure how easy this position would be to fill.

I’d love to hear others’ experiences before I start to contact agencies and look for someone! Also any insights from anyone who does one of these roles on the expectations.

Thank you!

I would forget about the Au Pair option. It's hard to find any since brexit, they are too young to know what to do with baby twins and whatever language they speak with your babies will not be stored in their memories for later. It makes zero impact on future language learning.

I also would forget about a night nanny until you know what the feeding situation is. It doesn't always work out the way you think or want to. It coud be that they are fine with being breastfed but won't take a bottle with expressed milk. Then you have to be up every 2-3 hours anyway so it's not worth it.

I think housekeeper and/or a nanny would be great. Maybe a housekeeper for two days a week and a nanny for two if you can afford it.

I think a post-natal doula/mother's help could be very useful in the first few months, when you want a trustworthy extra pair of hands to help juggle babies whilst you shower/dry your hair/snatch a nap. You don't need to get tied down into a long contract, can book on a short-term as hoc basis, and change hours as your needs change over time. They'd probably be happy to help out with basic housework/cooking prep tasks.

(I'm thinking of offering this kind of service in SE London from Sep 2025, so I'd be very interested to hear how you get on - please update us!)

Best of luck with your babies x

Do you have a local FB page?

Ours have a day a week where adverts are allowed.

Often have people offering all sorts of care services. They vary from cleaning, housekeeping and also personal assistant type roles which include company and cooking etc.

Someone who has their own business offering care may be willing to accept a role that's what you need. You can discuss it with them.

I'm qualified in childcare but have taken roles before (was also a family with twins!) when I was in college whereby I did some some care and some housework. It really helped to add to my CV at a young age of having some experience.

There is also the consideration that the NMW is lower the lower the age. So you may be able to afford more hours and someone younger can be employed more hours. They also may be more flexible rather than have a specific timetable.

But yes - I do think having someone who can help in an overall way would be beneficial to you.

You might have already but I'd recommend finding out if you have a local twins/multiples group. Massive source of support from other parents and they likely will have meet up play groups. Twins are awesome.

Twin mum here. Night help as much as you can for the first 3 months (and def the first 6 weeks) while you get a routine, esp if you end up with a CS. That’s when I needed DP most and the nights / weeks he was away with work wiped me out. Once you have a routine (say 3-5 months) then an au pair sounds great, but I can’t see how much help a teenager will be in first 12 weeks.

I haven’t said they all cost the same? I said a night nanny (around £300 per night) once per week costs around the same as an au pair. If I got a housekeeper/nanny I’d probably do 3-4 hours twice a week which would cost less but would mean I couldn’t afford a night nanny or au pair on top of that unless it was for a very short period.

I’m not sure why you’re bothering to post if you don’t have anything helpful to contribute. I’ve already said I’m only looking for advice on what would be most helpful, not on costs.

Thanks, that’s a great idea - I’ll try local fb pages!

I wouldn't go with an Au Pair. With twins you need someone who knows what they're doing with babies. The housekeeper/nanny option would be the route I'd take. An Au Pair is also only likely to stay for a year, so the language 'benefit' doesn't apply as your twins won't be talking for 2 years yet...

Thanks so much, I hadn’t heard of homestart so will look into that! I’ll try some of the fb groups too.

What you need depends on so many variables and will change as the babies age.
I had a 'mother's help' every afternoon for about three months and then a cleaner after that.
I wasn't on my own but I had post natal depression and the babies were very difficult to feed & didn't sleep at the same time. Not trying to scare you just saying that every mum and babies needs are different so you need to be prepared to rethink when your needs change. My mother's help was a mother herself, had been my cleaner before and would do anything I needed. Most importantly she was a soothing personality to be around and did what I asked her the way I wanted it done. Sometimes what you need more than anything is a kindly chat.

I would consider intense help for the first weeks and then you will see more clearly what you need.

Join your local twins club - they are the only ones who will understand and go and meet them before the babies arrive.
Home start if they are still around always need a long lead time so contact them before the babies arrive.

I would go for a housekeeper 4 hours once a week (£80 or so). A nanny or childcare student (but preferably experienced) 2 afternoons a week for 4 hours a time (£160). That’s still far less than your night nanny

Personally I would have valued someone who could do 'everything else' in the home, so the housekeeper role. I would not have wanted someone else to do very much with my newborn children. It's not because I'm judgemental about others who do, but it was a very unexpected instinct when my babies were born to have them near me, so wouldn't have benefitted as much from a night nurse or au pair type roles.

As PP have said, the au pair option for newborn twins isn't an option.

Go for the mother's help option a couple of times a week. They will do childcare and light housework.

@ohnonotthisargumentagain do you mind me asking how much you paid your mother's help?

My twins are 17 so it was a long time ago but I paid her just over minimum wage afternoons Mon-fri. she was new to caring work and wanted the experience and the hours fitted with her other job. I met her through the agency that was doing my cleaning and approached her directly.

If money is no object would get an experienced maternity nurse for the first 3 months. They will allow you to sleep and get the babies into an excellent and maintainable routine. This is crucial with twins. They will work with you breastfeeding by bringing the babies into you at night for feeds then taking them and settling them for sleep afterwards.

I think a housekeeper as they will do the Cleaning/tidying etx and support you that way

Having had twins, I would go with a doula to help you for a few hours a couple of days a week for the first few months after birth, and get a cleaner a couple of times a week.

I’m a maternity nurse / Night nanny. I support Breastfeeding mums with twins. I often take newborns into mum to breastfeed and I do all other cares, and position baby while half asleep, often mum doesn’t remember in the morning how many times or if we went in at all. I’m not there every night usually so I try to limit to twice a night breastfeedings to give mum a solid sleep in between, less if there’s more expressed available. A maternity nurse can also save a lot of time and worry with advice, nipping feeding issues in the bud and generally telling you what’s normal and what needs attention and pointing you in the direction to get it solved quickly.

Feel free to ask any other questions or DM me

You can also self refer to Homestart you can contact them before babies due.

congratulations x

We had newborn twins and went with the last option. It has been great to have someone experienced to help. Our lives are a lot less stressful with the maternity nurse/housekeeper. It is an expensive option but worth it. My DH is not hands on and works very long hours.