Denying Access to My Child

[JurassicAllstar]

My Ex and I have childcare arrangements where I have my daughter every other weekend and we share the holidays. I would have my daughter more but distance between us makes that difficult with Schooling.

I have recently got married, my wife and I chose to marry abroad for just close friends and family with no children. My 6 year old was in school at this point so I wasn't going to take her 2 weeks out of school for this with many people she doesn't know, only one of my family members could make it.
So we made the decision to have a smaller event in the UK after that would be more suitable for my daughter, we can make it more special for her then and not have to take her out of school where she would have more family around her.

My Ex (Daughters Mother) has since denied me access to my daughter, she is very angry I didn't take our daughter abroad. On fathers day she sent me a really nasty and abusive text message and I have had more since.
I have explained the reasons and that we have another event but she is having none of it.

Me not taking her abroad and out of education for 2 weeks I did in her best interest, it would have been selfish of me to put her in that situation with people she doesn't know and very little family of our own there, she already has anxiety issues.

Any attempt I make to find some middle ground with my ex just results in more abusive messages that are intended to hurt me but more alarming is that she is upsetting our daughter.

My Ex has a history with social services etc.
I just feel so desperate now, I want to protect my daughter and I don't know where to turn.

Not necessarily . Unless it was her only chance to be a bridesmaid or sonething. I find children at second or more weddings a bit weird to be honest.

I mean… this just isn’t true. it’s what you’re telling yourself to absolve yourself from any wrong doing. You obviously believe your own story.

you should have access, of course. So go to court.

you can’t be suprised she’s upset though- she’s upset because you’ve genuinely wronged her daughter. Your daughter. There is no good excuse for making it quite clear to her that she is not an important part of your new family.

Did you explain to your daughter that you were getting married and she wasn’t invited or did you just do it??
do you think she won’t remember?
she will and she knows who you really are.

In theory, I think this makes sense. But I've developed a finely honed ear for when someone (usually, but always a man) says something that on the surface seems oh-so-reasonable but actually, when you look a little deeper, shows a different picture.

So in this case, he's doing EOW and can't do more because Mum moved away. What was he doing BEFORE mum moved away - because arguably, if he was doing much more with the DD, it would have been relatively easy to force his ex to stay local.

Mum is being irrational and aggressive because he didn't take his DD on a 2 week holiday in term time... that she probably wouldn't have let the DD go on anyway and would have been bad for DD to miss school. BUT, that totally disregards how upset a 6 year old girl is likely to be over being excluded from her dad's wedding. goodbye dreams of being a flower girl etc. And why did this wedding have to happen overseas? And why did it have to require OP and his new wife to be away for 2 weeks? And why did it have to happen in term time?

The most egregious version of this in real life I've seen is when exBIL told Dh that SIL had been hitting and kicking him and he (DH) "didn't know the half of it". As it turned out, this referred to an incident that had happened the day before. They had been split for about 6 months at the time. He had come into her house, then in the course of an argument, had forced his way into her bedroom and grabbed her phone so that he could check if she was texting a particular man he had an issue with. She was attempting to get the phone back from him but he is bigger, taller, stronger so of course, he was able to keep her away and she had been grabbiing and slapping at his arm in an attempt to get the phone back....

I'm willing to bet he has form for this kind of behavior. Mum is probably withholding contact to protect her daughter from further disappointment and hurt. Why are mums so often expected to facilitate and pick up the pieces for half arsed dads who have no clue the damage they are doing to their own kids? What kind of mum wants her child to be repeatedly let down?

Op-
‘’I’’ didn’t want to take my daughter to my wedding as I could only do it 2 weeks during term time. It wasn’t it my daughters best interests to pull her out for 2 weeks. Also she wouldn’t have known many people there. Also she has anxiety

Also op- her mum is extremely angry I didnt take her

hotgirlwinter- oh well that totally means that there wasn’t a chance in hell the mum would have let her go!!! 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

Exactly it's weird why would he bring her. His ex wife sounds dreadful she needs to put her child first rather than her angry feelings in messages.

He can't legally take her out of school for two weeks anyway the child's mother will get fined for every day she misses school. Going to a wedding is not a good reason to miss school.

I know some of you on here want to feel outraged but realistically the school would probably not allow it.

I don't think the mother cares about the fine, plenty of parents happily pay the fine. He says himself that the mum was angry his daughter didn't go abroad with them. It sofa very much she wanted the child to be at the wedding.

She's a complicated woman who can't compromise she will lose her daughter if she continues.

You didn't need to go abroad to get married and therefore exclude your child.

What an odd comment. Are you the new wife?

Am I also reading this right - that @Teddybearpicniccelebration and @RedHelenB think it is "weird" for a child to attend their parent's wedding?

We’re outraged that he chose an option that his daughter couldn’t do. Why not have it in the holidays? Or have it in the uk? Or have it abroad but not for so long? Or have it abroad and for long but maybe fly his daughter over with him, have the ceremony during the first day or two and then fly her back so he could have the rest of the holiday without her. The school didn’t make him have a 2 week wedding abroad in term time, did they?

Abroad while she's at school? Will she really care or would she prefer to see her daddy?

His ex wife probably loves creating drama just like on this thread full of drama.

It's up to his daughter and what she wants. She probably wants daddy.

Do you know her? If her dad gave a shiny shite about her she’d have been on holiday with him and at his wedding

It's not worth being angry about it and it doesn't give her the right to with old contact. What's your story?

Are you a sock puppet?

If ever there were anything worth being angry about, I'd say this is it.
As mother's we are perfectly justified in protecting our children from selfish knobs.

Yep.
And how odd that two posters have appeared all of a sudden, claiming the mother is about to lose her child.

You would keep a father away from a child. My friend had a mother like that she ended up living with her father after SS found him.

You're not protecting them you're harming your child if you keep your children away from their father's.

Hang on.
It's the father who didn't want his child at his wedding.
Literally no-one on this thread has said this is a good thing.

The wedding was during term time she is young I doubt the school would allow his child to have two weeks off. If he pulled her anyway safeguarding and SS would be crawling all over that mother. Who would she blame the op for taking her out. There is consequences you can't do what you want when you want with children.

That very much depends on the father actually