Denying Access to My Child

[JurassicAllstar]

My Ex and I have childcare arrangements where I have my daughter every other weekend and we share the holidays. I would have my daughter more but distance between us makes that difficult with Schooling.

I have recently got married, my wife and I chose to marry abroad for just close friends and family with no children. My 6 year old was in school at this point so I wasn't going to take her 2 weeks out of school for this with many people she doesn't know, only one of my family members could make it.
So we made the decision to have a smaller event in the UK after that would be more suitable for my daughter, we can make it more special for her then and not have to take her out of school where she would have more family around her.

My Ex (Daughters Mother) has since denied me access to my daughter, she is very angry I didn't take our daughter abroad. On fathers day she sent me a really nasty and abusive text message and I have had more since.
I have explained the reasons and that we have another event but she is having none of it.

Me not taking her abroad and out of education for 2 weeks I did in her best interest, it would have been selfish of me to put her in that situation with people she doesn't know and very little family of our own there, she already has anxiety issues.

Any attempt I make to find some middle ground with my ex just results in more abusive messages that are intended to hurt me but more alarming is that she is upsetting our daughter.

My Ex has a history with social services etc.
I just feel so desperate now, I want to protect my daughter and I don't know where to turn.

What sort of piece of shit organises their wedding so their 6 year old daughter can't go? Fucking hell, way to wreck the father daughter relationship.

You need to send her a very polite but final written warning that yoj be filing court proceedings if she doesn't reinstate access to your child this week

I do agree with this though

Also agree

I imagine it is the new wife who wanted the wedding abroad, the existing daughter wasn't seen as important enough to change this dream

Although this seems highly likely, it's awful that the dad didn't think about the effect of this on his DD.

I also suspect this. It doesn’t bode well for the future. Especially if her dad’s planning on having more children with this woman. A new sibling to push her out even further will be the cherry on the cake to fuck her up completely

@Kinshipug Surely she’d only be devastated if the adults around her make a big issue of her “ missing out and not being invited,” though? If her parents said that Dad and X are getting married and having their honeymoon, then they’re coming home to have a big celebration and they want you to be a big part of it, that would sound fine?

If I were her Mum, I’d definitely downplay it and let her be a part of the UK event.

No actually. I think most 6 year olds would have their own opinions on not being invited to dads wedding. And I disagree with the idea that mums are always expected to cover for shit dads, why is that her responsibility? If dad genuinely believes his DD would be ok with it, then he should have managed her expectations in advance, and now be actively working towards re-establishing contact - but he didn't and he isn't.

@Kinshipug Tbf, we don’t know what the Dad said to his DD about the wedding, nor what her Mum has said to her. All we know is that she sent him an abusive text on Father’s Day and is now withholding access for the UK event.

Obviously we’re only getting his side of the story, who knows what’s happened beforehand.

He didn't invite his own child to his wedding. I'm honestly not sure there's another way to spin that. But, ok.

@Kinshipug He didn’t invite her to the small wedding and presumably honeymoon abroad, but she is invited to the UK event, which will be attended by friends and family whom she knows.

I think it’s a huge issue if the adults make it one. For her sake, they shouldn’t do this. He may/may not be a shit Dad, we don’t have the full picture.

It doesn't matter who's right or wrong, there's a child in the middle of 2 warring adults and as someone who was in the same situation myself as a child there's no winner in this scenario.

Like it or not both parents should try their damned hardest to co parent because it's in the best interest of the child.

That’s what I’m trying to say, @spuddy4. The parents fighting about this is only going to cause her unhappiness.

@BruFord I agree. Parent point scoring is damaging to children.

Obviously you need to get a proper arrangement in place.

For what it's worth my ex husband did the same. Through the years my daughter drifted further and further from him and now almost never sees him. Your ex wife is not right blocking access at all.

But all you can do about that is get a proper child arrangement. And you should look at yourself because at the end you reap what you sow and your daughter will ask why she wasn't a part of your wedding.