Honest opinions please - Wrap around for year R kids?

[pinkfones]

So I'm currently on Mat leave with DC2, due back early next year.

DC1 starts school in September and I'm supposed to be working 4 days a week when I return.

I can't help but think I should cut my hours and in turn my level of responsibility to be more present for my DC.

Honestly do year R kids struggle with wrap around? I know people would argue working full days gives you a better work/life balance and time to yourself at work etc, but honestly what's best for the child?

As others have said, really depends on the child.

My DD started reception this year and does 4 days after school club until 6pm. She loves it, if I try to collect her early she tells me to go away. I do collect her at 3pm on a Friday though and spend a few hours of quality time together before the weekend which we both really value.

I think it’s helped that she was used to long days from nursery, and her two closest friends who she’s known since nursery also do after school club with her.

Mine used to go to a childminder after school. Eventually they did asc every night. They prefer secondary school, as they walk home and tend to be home by 4.

They coped all through primary. It was me, eh was exhausted by having to remember everything.

They do get tired at first, but they adjust quickly. Mine was used to 9-6 at nursery four days a week, and when he started school he was picked up by a childminder those four days instead. He was absolutely shattered at first, but after half term it was like he just settled into it and was fine. I pick him up on Fridays but he often wants to go to the playground or the library, he's not that tired. He does love me doing that pick up though, so it's nice to do that if you can.

They don't get confused about who's picking them up if you tell them in advance... 🙄

I suspect our school don't like Reception children doing ASC because they severely limit the places so we couldn't get one. Not sure what they think all the children who've been at nursery since they were 1 have been doing. It's ridiculous, most women work nowadays and lack of access to childcare before and after school is what keeps women from having a proper career. Because of course it's us who pick up the slack, because we care about our children and want what's best for them.

I am considering not returning after maternity leave for this reason (ds starts school September 2025) so interested in responses.

This is true of our experience/what I've seen with friends' DCs TBH.

You'd be surprised how many of those inflexible 8-6, 5 days a week Important Man Jobs actually have quite a bit of flexibility...
And this is very, very true.

School mum cliques aren't a given either OP. Some clearly are good friends, likely pre-dating your DCs starting reception, and are less open to new friendships as a result, but I've always had 'playground mum' friends across different friendship groups/classes. The pre-formed friendship groups can appear to be closed ranks but even if they aren't looking for more friends, people will rarely not be nice and chatty (and when they are standoff-ish I tend to suppose that is about them and their day rather than me). The key is to not get too involved in all the politics and try not to take things personally if someone seems a bit off one day.

I’m struggling to think of a “line of work” that allows men to abdicate all responsibility for being part of their child’s daily care? If he is salaried and has a permanent contract it should be possible for him to request flexible working. We have doctor and engineer fathers who do pickups in our school group.

That said, my son has done ASC 3 days a week since Reception (after full days in nursery) and he’s in Yr 2 and happy, quite a few kids do it and so so the ones who get collected at 3:30 asked if they could go! It
has been really consistent with the same leaders for 3 years though, which is great. Lots of active play.

So I’m not saying push your husband because I disagree with using ASC. My husband uses his flexibility to do some mornings and one 3:30pm pickup per week.

DD started reception in Sep and does 7.45-5.45 3 days a week. She is shattered and given the choice, I wouldn't do it. In fact I'm working my arse off to find a new job so we don't have to do it.

She's much happier on the two days I pick her up at the normal time and the evenings are easier to handle too (on after school club days, it's such a rush to get home, eat, do reading, shower, bed. She's too wired and therefore doesn't fall asleep easily and then is shattered the next morning).

But right now, needs must. We have no family nearby to help out. Childminder/nanny just wasn't an option due to availability/location etc. Our school is the furthest away too as the schools nearest has zero wraparound available due to low demand!

As much as I'd love this to be the case my husbands line of work doesn't allow for this. It's very standard working hours, well actually quite long ones sometimes 8-6.

Is this really true? There's no part time workers, no women working there in your shoes, no one who has to juggle other responsibilities?

Perhaps I'm jaded but it only ever seems to be men who work in these mysterious sectors where is impossible to do anything other than 40hrs a week and no ability to move jobs or change that for the good of your family.

Again I assume you are either a single parent or the child's father had his flexible working request rejected, in which case he too is looking for a job with more family friendly hours....

@Ascubudr , in a general sense - if we were doing a sociological study - I’d agree.

But for individual families it often doesn’t apply. For instance in our case - why won’t DH request flexible working - because we can’t afford it. He earns more. It is unfair he earns more but it doesn’t change the fact he does.

That argument is self perpetuating. They earn more because they haven't endured the maternity penalty and if women use this as a reason to be the one to reduce hours- they always will.

I outearn DH, not by a huge amount but significantly, I have always done 50 % of the drop offs and pick-ups. For many of these years I was a junior doctor not a career known for it's flexibility. It is cultural sexism nothing else.

It's so, so individual. Some kids are utterly shattered, emotional and wouldn't cope. Others are very chill and even enjoy it.

Not in our case @Ascubudr

He earns more because he is good at maths. He earned more before children too.

I don’t disagree with you on a societal level. But I don’t think it’s all that helpful on an individual basis. The only time it works is if you and partner earned roughly the same until children came along. If there was a significant difference before that then that’s taken into account.

Completely agree that it always seems to be men's jobs that don't have flexibility. Often wonder what their female colleagues' arrangements look like - I suspect they have flexibility|!

OP, one early finish a week probably wouldn't actually reduce his pay by much but it would equalise things a little in your house - including in terms of your closeness with DC.

DH and I are both decent earners, albeit in flexible jobs, and we each manage to pull our weight.

Of course but we are both yet to find somewhere which will pay what we need to keep a roof over our heads plus the flexibility needed for 8.30-3.15 school times. Especially with commuting relying on public transport as we can't afford a car. It's also easier said that done given we have lived experience of companies talking a good game about flexible working but baulking at the reality. For example my current employer harks on about flexible working whilst at the same time insisting we come in 3 days a week no exceptions with the threat of disciplinary if you don't comply!

Yes. Lone parent.

My oldest went from full time 7.30-5 nursery, 5 days, to reception this year. We have both flexed our time to keep him out of wrap around care. He's exhausted and very emotional still (he's a sensitive child), progressing brilliantly, but just wants to be home. Some days he curls up on the sofa next to me and zombies out with the TV and snacks for an hour if I have deadlines. Or has hour long baths! We will have to do some holidays clubs for Easter and summer though :(

I think he'll enjoy some after school clubs maybe next year, but for now, I'm glad we're able to keep him home. He's so much more delicate (mentally and health wise) than our youngest, it's been a huge eye opener.

🎖💐🍷

That is a pity your DP can't also do 2 days a week from home, which would reduce the number of days your Dd had to go to 1 or 2 (even if he could do one day WFH she would only have to do 2.

On a societal level this exactly what happens, wonen outearn their male partners until they have children.

This.

i think the only legal exemption is the armed forces , and I’m guessing that’s not it as she says it’s 8-6.

My husband is a teacher so he can’t flex his work to do drop offs and pick ups because he has to be at his own school at those times, not so mysterious. I can move things around, so I do on some days. We both work FT. But he is responsible for the school holidays.

It really does depend on the child. My eldest wouldn't have minded wrap around care but the younger two would have hated it as they got super tired and just wanted to be at home after school to relax and decompress.

I agree with the others that your DH should also be looking at his work pattern. Even if he could just do one short day a week it'd make a big difference. I can't believe there is absolutely no flexibility at his work place, all employers have to at least consider flexible working or reduced hours.

It depends on the child. My dd had also been to nursery 3-4 days a week. She hated breakfast club. Crying, anxious etc and I thought I'm not having her start her day like this so I adjusted my hours slightly (luckily I have lots of flex). She was happy enough going to ASC, I think because she was already in school.