Honest opinions please - Wrap around for year R kids?

[pinkfones]

So I'm currently on Mat leave with DC2, due back early next year.

DC1 starts school in September and I'm supposed to be working 4 days a week when I return.

I can't help but think I should cut my hours and in turn my level of responsibility to be more present for my DC.

Honestly do year R kids struggle with wrap around? I know people would argue working full days gives you a better work/life balance and time to yourself at work etc, but honestly what's best for the child?

My GS loves before and after school clubs - he likes to play with the ‘big boys’ 😂

I would cut your hours. My DD started in September just gone. She found it very tiring. Her school won’t let reception pupils attend after school club, as they say it’s too long a day for them. It starts from Y1.

I work from home two days a week to enable me to do the school runs. The three other days DD is in breakfast and after school clubs. She's perfectly fine. I know for me personally i wouldn't want a working arrangement that didn't permit to do the school runs at least once a week. I work 9 to 3 on my wfh days and do longer hours in the week.

TA here. Yes they do get very very tired and After-School Club can often be too much in Reception. Before-School Club is usually fine though, in fact they often are more accepting of being dropped off for Before-School Club than they are for regular morning drop off time.

That's interesting, thanks.

DT’s (summer born) started full time nursery at six months and when they started school (didn’t do a staggered start), they went to breakfast and after school club five days a week. No problems at all - extra play time with their friends and lots of complaints if we collected them early and interrupted their games.

I honestly believe they do struggle, too long a day without a parent being there. I know that's unavoidable for some but it seems to stack up later on, it's just too much too young. They need to have as much time with a parent as possible to feel certainty and feel secure. My kids went and it was a disaster at times, I'd never repeat that. You can't get the time back.

You'd be surprised how many of those inflexible 8-6, 5 days a week Important Man Jobs actually have quite a bit of flexibility...

DH aAnd I have both worked a compressed week since the kids were small. It now means we have an afternoon off each and do school pickups those days, after school club the rest, which has been a good balance since Reception. DS1 did 4 days in YR which was also ok - they adapt and a lot of schools take the after school club kids out before the other kids get picked up by their parents.

Reception kids are allowed at our asc

I would look at a cm. As she can then have him in holidays as well

What will you do for childcare for school holidays

2 long and 2 short sound good

Assume 5th day you don't work so can do school pick up

Mine absolutely loved going to ASC at that age. It was more time to play with their friends. They were never affected by tiredness. Now they are older. Y3 &5 they hate it and want to be at home. Different kids want different things

What does he do that means he can’t apply for flexible working - the legislation is there for these situations.

I felt this guilt, went to pick DS up early one night from ASC , he cried because he loves ASC and didn't want to go home. He goes twice a week now, on the third day he does an activity instead with a provider who goes to the school. ASC seems to be playing, snack and then they put cbeebies on the smart board at 5. We usually pick up around 5 but it's open until 5:45 and there are other children there.

Why would they not feel secure by going to breakfast and after school clubs? DT’s loved having breakfast with friends, extra football games and built in play dates after school.

Both my DC did wraparound care from reception 4 days a week, they enjoyed it - would often get annoyed at having to leave when I turned up especially on the occasional day I managed to get away from work early 😂. But it was at a prep school and designed for working parents so the days were longer anyway, lots of other children did before & after school, there was plenty of food provided (full English breakfast everyday at breakfast club - they didn't get that at home) and loads of different activities they could do after school.

So I think it depends a lot on both your DC and the wraparound care provided by the school - I think the quality can vary quite a lot which obviously has an impact on how the DC find it and whether they benefit from it or not.

That's great for your kids, I'm saying it's not right for all. Some kids leaving the house at 6.30am, home 12 hours later. It is too much for some, especially 5 days. The less at that age the better.

We take it in turns to go in late so there's no need for early mornings at breakfast club. I do 2 short days and 2 long days and I just sucked up the fact the nursery fees for the youngest weren't the best value way to do it!

DD1 hates after school club, she's Y6 now and still adamant she hates it, apparently it is boring. And I tell her it's 2 days a week, nobody ever died of boredom, and it means we can have holidays and chocolate and sometimes you can't always have your own way.

Why on earth would she be thinking that? Ordinarily you'd have explained to your child that they're going to after school club / childminder and you'll pick them up after.

Most of what you've posted is about your own needs and emotions and fantasies rather than your child's.

It's a childcare setting, you're not sending her to work up a chimney. Keep things in proportion.

DD is in reception and in some wraparound care. The first few weeks were tough with being tired but now she loves it. Toast at 4.30 is some kind of magic institution! 😀 There are several kids from her class who go, so she has friends she knows. She also loves having friends in the older years that she's made through after school club. They even play together at break times sometimes.

Having said that, she also gets super excited for the days I do pick her up straight from her classroom or drop her off to the door so if you can do that once or twice a week I think she'd likely love it.

I'd say go for your preferred work pattern and see how she does, but be prepared to ask for a change to work patterns if she struggles with it.

Teachers can't pick their own children up direct from school because they're busy teaching your children.

Are we now suggesting that all the children of the country's teachers are suffering and insecure because their parents collect them from a childcare setting rather than school?

Because I have some serious side eye for such daft assertions.

I was also worried about ASC but my Reception DS also loves it and has settled there much better than in school. I don't think there's even anything special about out one, they just love having the freedom to do what they want after structured day and in the summer it's even better.

As PPs have said, they line them up to go before the others leave so no getting left behind.

If you can manage collection on your day off and one other short day that would be a great balance. But I think it's also very hard to adjust to the concept of big change and being absent when you return from maternity leave- and it does become normal quite quickly.

Thanks so much everyone for your responses, this is why mumsnet is invaluable!

I think I'm going to try and work 3 full days a week, if my employer allows. Tbh I'd really like to work 3 days, I'm pretty bored of my work and I think it would feel more bearable as 3 days/week.

On another slightly random note, does having only a couple of pick ups at 3oclock make it more bearable with the 'mum cliques'!? Is that even a thing?

I noticed the school we've applied for has a one-way system so I wasn't sure if that's to stop groups gathering type thing..

He has as much right to ask for flexible working as you do. Honestly this attitude is how women end up in pension poverty. You have already had 2 years out birthing these children. Don't perpetuate the inequity or he will always earn more and you will be carrying all the mental load for the next 15 years.

It just largely depends on what the parents are like. My DD goes to a small Catholic school and all the parents know each other, there are little groups in the playground at pick up but I've never felt intimidated and usual just go to the first person I know! Sometimes I arrive and I'm on my own but people come and talk to me.

I wouldn't be too fussed about the cliques, if you want to put effort into friendships then just talk to people and join your school WhatsApp group, its useful but can also be very annoying at times.

I've made a golden rule that I'll only put effort into a mum friendship if I get a friend out of it too.. I don't want lots of pointless hollow play date friendships. I've got 4 really good mum friends now since DD started reception and DD is really close to their kids. I only get to school two days a week.

So dependent on the child, and the provision.
I was a teacher. DD couldn’t have managed school wrap around, but thrived with a childminder and a few other children.
I had a nanny share when DS arrived, and she then looked after DD too.
By the time DS was upper primary, he loved before and after school club, and didn’t like to leave as he got so much football time.
See what’s available that would suit your child and your wider family needs .

I take it you are a single parent ?
The blithe acceptance on this thread that it is the mother who must flex her working hours is like something from the '80s. Where are all these children's fathers, don't they care if their yr R child is too tired for wrap around care ? More importantly don't they care that the mother of their children is picking up all the childcare slack ?