Honest opinions please - Wrap around for year R kids?

[pinkfones]

So I'm currently on Mat leave with DC2, due back early next year.

DC1 starts school in September and I'm supposed to be working 4 days a week when I return.

I can't help but think I should cut my hours and in turn my level of responsibility to be more present for my DC.

Honestly do year R kids struggle with wrap around? I know people would argue working full days gives you a better work/life balance and time to yourself at work etc, but honestly what's best for the child?

Mine didn’t. Reception is mostly play, not that different from nursery. Year 1 was a bit tougher, but only the first half term or so.

My GSs both hated it, I altered my hours at work so I could pick them up.

Honestly I think depends on child. My summer born was exhausted and desperate for quiet time at home and hated to spend more time with more kids. We hired a babysitter on the days I worked, but very hard to find.

She was ok in after school care after Y2.

My DD does go to nursery 4 days whilst I work, so shes used to full days. But I worry that going to school 5 days a week is tiring enough, and it would be better to pick her up every day and make her a nice tea, have a chat etc. I think I'd feel guilty her being lead off somewhere with a bunch of kids having a bit of toast or whatever..

I don't mean to sound negative towards wrap around, but my niece always seems tired and negative about school (she's 9 and been going since year R)

Maybe a childminder would be a bit less full on, she would be going to a home environment which would probably be quieter and calmer. Plus the possibility of a run in a park or garden depending on the cM and your child.

MY DC struggled for the first term. It was emotionally tough on all of us. He'd been used to long days at FT nursery but what I hadn't factored in was the heart ache of most of the kids being picked up at 3pm and just a handful remaining behind to be taken to the hall for the after school club. And just as he was adjusting the sodding clocks changed so they couldn't spend as much time outside which caused more upset. But, by the January, he'd found his groove. He's in Y1 now an absolutely loves it. He knows he gets a play date every day!

So... it's not easy but it's fine.

I think it really depends on the feasibility of you being able to reduce your hours. For example, could you just finish early one day?

I think this very much depends on the child. I know summer born reception children in after school club 5 days a week who their parents tell me are fine if tired (but aren't they all anyway?). I think you know your child best and you are best placed to make the decisions. My reception child is the oldest in her year and as DH and I already worked part-time we were planning to use wraparound (breakfast and after school club) on the two days a week we both work. However in the end family offered to help us instead and DH managed to do one morning WFH so we haven't needed to yet. If you work 4 full days now would there be any scope to spread those hours over 5days or that does incur too much additional cost with childcare for your youngest?

My DD was fine with it, she had been full time at nursery before so the length of day was normal for her and wraparound is not school.

It's snacks and play/watching telly/doing crafts/reading a book.

Yeh I think there's a lot to be said for this.

YES lots of kids do it.
YES lots of families have no choice.

But if you DO have a choice then why wouldn't you keep wrap around to a minimum? 1-2 days is fine, 3-5 is a lot.

In my experience wrap around care can be genuinely enjoyably for year 1/2 to 3/4 ish, depending on the child. Outside of that they are too young/old to do more than tolerate it.

And yes you need to factor in the fact they see their classmates getting picked up by parents, going to another's house for tea or swimming/gym whatever. They're not all in the same boat like at nursery where they have little concept of time.

Plus going to school is a huge change for them too and oftne comes with lots of new kids/friends. My DC still needed naps
sometimes, she was absolutely exhausted by it all. She is ok at wrap around care now (3 times a week) but it’s not great IMO and I am happy we don’t have to do 5 days a week.
It really is a lot for those kids, a few afternoons with a granny/babysitter/childminder would be better if this option exists for you.

I ended up changing my hours so I only do 3 full days and DC still dislike after school club however some don’t mind it all so it’s very hard to say. Mine were more tired by reception than nursery though

Yes I have often thought of this, knowing my little girl would be watching other children's mums and dads coming to collect them thinking 'where's my mummy?' But that's just be being emotional I think!

I want to think it would be okay, but I just can't shake off the feeling by that not only would she want me to pick her up, but I want to pick her up too..

I need to consider how I'm gonna approach this with work and my other child going to nursery. Say if I did 5 days 9am-2:30 that's not exactly ideal with the youngest!

I have flexed my schedule (still FT hours) so I don't use wraparound one morning and one afternoon. Partly for DC's benefit and mainly because I wanted to. I had the sylvan image in my head of a nice chat, doing an activity or something.

I reality, the variation to the schedule caused confusion in the early days, rarely ended up as beautiful as I'd imaged, and these days I get moaned at because he'd rather be at the wraparound. He's a summer baby and he's been preferring it to be since last Easter when he was 4y9m. I try not to take it personally...

My reception child started going after half term when I changed jobs. I didnt have to take him to breakfast club today as I had the morning off for his nativity - he complained!
It took him a few weeks to feel confident at school, so I'm glad I didn't have to put him in right away, but if he'd been doing long nursery days and knew other children in wrap around, it would probably have been fine. I think it depends on the child and the circumstances.
And sometimes it's just unavoidable!

It depends on the child, but my younger one did two days a week at ASC in Reception no problem. He did have his big sister there though which I think made a difference. I wouldn't have liked mine going five days a week tbh, so if you can easily afford it, I'd reduce hours. I've reduced mine recently too for similar reasons you want to. No regrets and it hasn't made a huge difference to salary after tax etc

In Scotland do p1 (6 months older than YR) and my boy loved after school club. He really needed to run about outside and our club was all about that. To be honest if I’d picked him up I’d have struggled to go to the park every day for as long as he needed.

Do you have a partner ? If so please don't allow yourself after 2 maternity leaves to become the default parent. IMO now is the time to stand firm about them also applying for flexible working if you both finish early once a week and you keep your day off, then your Dd only has to go twice which I think is much more managble than 4 times. I would advise if at all possible for it to be tuesday and thursday so she never has to do more than one day in a row.

Apologies if you are a single parwnt this is obviously not possible.

After school club would be too much for my summer born Reception child. He did full days (8-6) at nursery last year but he's shattered by school. I work two short days to pick him up and then we have an after school nanny for the other days which has worked well for us. It's more expensive but cheaper than going part time. He doesn't go to breakfast club but I would be happy to send him. It's more the afternoon when he desperately needs downtime at home - this afternoon he even had a nap!

It's nice to be able to pick up at least once a week so get to see the other parents a chat to teacher if any issues /have a play date etx

What are you considering doing

Working at home and finishing at 3 every day so all pick ups

Cutting down hours some days

Giving up work

I'm tempted to try and do 2 short days, 2 long days - but I can see it being hard work when it comes to having time off for summer holidays etc! And not even sure my employer would agree it. I work in finance and I earn an average salary.

So conflicted, part of me wants to step back a bit, part of me doesn't, part of me wouldn't mind being a SAHM for a few years although I'm sure the reality isn't always as fun as it sounds..

I just know when I was a kid my mum was a SAHM and she was always there, every drop off, ever pick up, every school event, every sick day, all the school holidays - I loved having my mum always there no matter what. I don't know why I'm struggling so much with this!

Depends on the child, depends on the wraparound. We have a great after school club run by the same people who run her nursery, so she knows loads of kids there.

We were able to flex our hours, so we each finish in time to pick up one day and then work late the day the other finishes early. I'm glad we do that as I do think she benefits from us being at school, helps with tiredness, and also gives us some time to get homework done which can be a challenge otherwise.

But you'll be there one day anyway. If you can swing more then great but I wouldn't be compromising your finances or ambition for it.

Thinking a little more - what's just as useful for us as picking her up on set days is that we have very flexible jobs. So we can go to all events (one of us at least), help with the odd trip etc.

As much as I'd love this to be the case my husbands line of work doesn't allow for this. It's very standard working hours, well actually quite long ones sometimes 8-6.

He earns decent money, well, decent enough anyway and may well go up to 60k in a couple of years so I guess there would be the option financially for me to step back..