12 year old has had 22 detentions and 2 suspensions in 27 days

[rob38]

My 12 year old son has had 22 detentions and 2 suspensions in the last 27 school days. I brought him to live with me recently after he started getting into trouble as previously this has made a big difference, and he goes to bed on time and school on time when living with me, which he often does not do at his mothers. Today he decided that he wanted to go back to living primarily at his mothers as she "does not care as much". Previous to living with me recently, in his mothers care he has tried drinking, smoking, vaping and smoking weed. I do not know what to do, and am disaster thinking. He came close to getting suspended again last week, and we have been told that he is close to getting expelled.

You might want to move this to another topic?
This is childcare.. nannies/childminders etc..
You might get more answers on Chat maybe?

Really sorry to hear all that Rob.
Focus on what you can do, how you can encourage your son to be his best self. To get your son to believe that he deserves better than a haphazard life.
One day at a time. x

Poor kid. He's crying out for help. Do school keep punishing without wondering why he misbehaves? Is he neurodiverse -ASD/ADHD perhaps? Push for intervention from school, social services, CAMHS.

I think you need urgent help...ask your gp for a referral to cahms. I'm shocked he has already been smoking weed. I'd also request an urgent meeting with the school to come up with a way he can attend school and avoid expulsion. I actually think he needs understanding rather than punishment.

Thank you for your messages, school are being very good but are frustrated I think. He does not have adhd or asd but has experienced some traumatic events. I took him for and assessment by cahms for trauma yesterday, we are waiting for a response but I was told they will likely take him on. He is capable of behaving in class, but seems to just not care whether he gets into trouble or not.

Would his mum say yes to him coming back? Personally I would tell him he is not allowed to go back to living their due ti his behaviour, but that relies on her being on board.