MIL won't stop feeding junk

[silversunshine]

Hi everyone

I really need to just rant/let off some steam and hopefully get some advice

My boy is 18m old, my MIL watches him 4-5 times a week whilst my husband and I work full time.

I wanted to send him to nursery but MIL was adamant she wanted to help.

Her feeding is getting completely out of hand. When we are at work she is persistently going against our wishes and giving him crisps/biscuits/chocolate. Every single day.

Even when I've explained to her that I do not want him to have these things every day, I tell her I've made his packed lunch and there is a healthy snack and that's all I want him to have. She will agree to my face but then give him junk when I leave. One time I had to turn round and come home as I forgot my phone and when I walked in he was sat in his high chair eating chocolate buttons at 930am.

We have even gone to the extreme of hiding all of our junk food in the house, she will then sneak stuff in her pockets/handbag.

She did the same with our dog who has piled on so much weight since she has been in the house with her every day. She gives her treats after treat after treat. We hid the dog treats and the same happened with her sneaking dog treats in her bag!

I just don't understand why she won't stop feeding.

We have asked her not to multiple times, when my husband has got frustrated with her she will then turn the waterworks on and start crying saying we are having a go at her and it will cause family friction for days

I feel like she is totally undermining me as his mummy and it's coming across like she just doesn't have any respect for what I say,

I must admit I have been reluctant to confront her about it properly because I am scared of confrontation, I've always just asked my husband to speak to her. I feel like I just look like a mug.

Ever since I started weaning him I've bent over backwards to make sure I've introduced him to lots of different food varieties and 99% of the time all his meals are made very healthy! Of course we allow him treats crisps/chocolate now and then. It's so important to me that he is healthy and eating nutritional things!

Currently having a look into starting nursery, which is going to cost an arm and a leg but I feel like it's the only way he won't be eating shit every day.

I know I'm being too soft and just completely not standing up for myself but I really don't want to cause problems for my husband with his side of the family. If it was anyone else I'd be going mad at them but I feel completely on egg shells

Thank you for reading

Any advice/similar experiences welcome x

Piss off obesity kills get your head straight one day won't make a difference four fucking will

“You’ve consistently undermined me and gone against our wishes. We’ve told you before. You were adamant you wanted to care for him, but your behaviour, whatever the intent behind it, has gone too far. He’s going into nursery. I’m afraid that’s the end of it.”

And then grey rock absolutely all the manipulative bullshit that will surely follow.

DMIL doesn't get to decide who looks after the baby. Maybe put him in Nursery and just let her have him one day a week?

That's one the reasons DC only went to Inlaws one day a week. They really wanted to have them. MIL had an extremely sweet tooth and I knew that they would be feed crap. I just turned a bit of a blind eye for one day.
DC are now grown up and have healthy diets bit love telling me that they still put sugar on their Weetabix.
Yes agree with others that nursery is the way forward.

Grandparents spoiling their GDC I think not usual . I asked my DMIL time after time not to give my son a pudding after every meal or a plate of white bread with every meal - didn't happen. It was her way. She looked after him in school holidays & we were grateful for that. Once that stopped the food we would have preferred him not to have stopped. I wish she could have compromised but it was not to be. It was lovely to have him with Granny & many years later I can't really be bothered to argue about it now ( Grandma has passed away )

You know what to do

Find a nursery and put dc in 4/5 days

She can have him one day

Obv this will cost you a fair chunk of money each week /month

Free childcare is great as long as they follow your requests

Both you and dh need to speak to mil together so that there is no mistake in what you both said

As a nan myself I think it's awful when this happens. MIL is being disrespectful to you as parents and also not spoiling, but potentially, ruining the child by setting bad food habits and making you like the bad guys. Nursery definitely unless she stops immediately.

By giving said grandchild ultra processed crap shown to cause eating disorders, IBS, diabetes, heart issues etc? Don’t be daft.

Yet another modern mum who wants the free childcare but also wants to micromanage. Sorry but you can’t have it both ways. Pay for childcare and let Granny be a granny and spoil her GC when she sees them