MIL won't stop feeding junk

[silversunshine]

Hi everyone

I really need to just rant/let off some steam and hopefully get some advice

My boy is 18m old, my MIL watches him 4-5 times a week whilst my husband and I work full time.

I wanted to send him to nursery but MIL was adamant she wanted to help.

Her feeding is getting completely out of hand. When we are at work she is persistently going against our wishes and giving him crisps/biscuits/chocolate. Every single day.

Even when I've explained to her that I do not want him to have these things every day, I tell her I've made his packed lunch and there is a healthy snack and that's all I want him to have. She will agree to my face but then give him junk when I leave. One time I had to turn round and come home as I forgot my phone and when I walked in he was sat in his high chair eating chocolate buttons at 930am.

We have even gone to the extreme of hiding all of our junk food in the house, she will then sneak stuff in her pockets/handbag.

She did the same with our dog who has piled on so much weight since she has been in the house with her every day. She gives her treats after treat after treat. We hid the dog treats and the same happened with her sneaking dog treats in her bag!

I just don't understand why she won't stop feeding.

We have asked her not to multiple times, when my husband has got frustrated with her she will then turn the waterworks on and start crying saying we are having a go at her and it will cause family friction for days

I feel like she is totally undermining me as his mummy and it's coming across like she just doesn't have any respect for what I say,

I must admit I have been reluctant to confront her about it properly because I am scared of confrontation, I've always just asked my husband to speak to her. I feel like I just look like a mug.

Ever since I started weaning him I've bent over backwards to make sure I've introduced him to lots of different food varieties and 99% of the time all his meals are made very healthy! Of course we allow him treats crisps/chocolate now and then. It's so important to me that he is healthy and eating nutritional things!

Currently having a look into starting nursery, which is going to cost an arm and a leg but I feel like it's the only way he won't be eating shit every day.

I know I'm being too soft and just completely not standing up for myself but I really don't want to cause problems for my husband with his side of the family. If it was anyone else I'd be going mad at them but I feel completely on egg shells

Thank you for reading

Any advice/similar experiences welcome x

my nan used to do this to me. I am a fat bastard now who loves junk food and can’t lose weight. Def switch to nursery.

We have a massive public health problem in this country with obesity generally and tooth decay in children.
Making love and affection all about unhealthy food treats is really not a good thing for children.
Loving parents and grandparents should care about the health and future well being of the child.
Stuffing the child full of fat and carbs at every opportunity is about control and manipulation. I know because my MIL was all about the manipulation and it was extremely damaging.
All you can do is put your child in nursery, because it will only get worse and it won't be just food.

I'm not the most diet-conscious but this is just dumb. You can't understand why a parent might not want their MIL feeding crisps, chocolates and other junk every single day?

Tooth decay? Obesity? Fussiness at meals? Tantrums for junk food?

Immediately book a nursery place for DC. You have given MIL the opportunity to follow your rules and she refuses so nursery it is.

setting Your child up for diabetics, heart attacks and stokes in middle age is not showing love and affection. The polar opposite.

Personally I’d play hardball. Right we have found a nursery and babe starts Monday. Sadly we can’t leave babe with you as she/he will develop food issues which could cause problematic health issues as an adult. You have ignored our requests and we have decided not to take any risks.

Wouldn't be so bad if he saw her occasionally but junk food day in day out will be extremely damaging and give him a taste for it

Anorexia, obesity, tooth decay, diabetes, stroke, heart attacks, shorter life span.

I’d also be letting her know how much worse off you are thanks to her refusal to put your child’s health first

Her love is unhealthy. It is not OK.

Find proper childcare. I presume that when your child is getting chocolate buttons at 9.30am whilst stuck in a high chair that your MIL isn’t actually interacting with him. Organise the nursery and just tell her that because she’s giving junk foods that your and your dh don’t agree with your moving him right away as in the next day. This will save you stress of her complaining.

Food=love.

My MIL was exactly the same.

I assume your MIL has been saving you a fortune in nursery fees for the best part of a year, and your DC has been eating solids for that length of time too. At what age did you realise she was feeding him unhealthy foods?
I suggest you send him to nursery now, maybe for 4 days and MIL has him for 1m day as he will likely have a strong bond with her so to stop all the care she provides would be emotionally tough on him.

Good luck with finding a decent nursery place at 1 day’s notice!

I agree with all the above (apart from the one sarcastic poster). We had this with mil but it was only one day a week so it was a case of grin and bear it.
Maybe get a document that lists all the health risks to give to her when you say you're using a nursery.

Is your dh on board with you? This is where we had issues because I felt much more strongly about it.

I think it's a grandparent thing to spoil them rotten. However, if it's all through the week it's too much. I'd look at nursery and maybe one day a week there. Let them have a normal grandparent/grandchild relationship.

My son is 15month. Has mostly healthy food. But I do allow him treats every day. It's how I was when I was younger and I'm not fat, have no issues with my teeth. Just had it in moderation. I do not allow him juice. He loves his water but will eventually allow juice, only when he's a bit older.

If you feel like nursery is the best option. Do it.

The "ohhh I just love to spoil him!" types are total weirdos IME

Sort out a nursery place and when it's all arranged and ready to go, tell her you don't need her childcare anymore and tell her exactly why - you've given her enough chances, more than enough!!

My MIL did this with my youngest. She was extremely obese herself. I caught her feeding my DD masses of sugar and fat (biscuits and nuggets daily) and even when I discussed it with her I got told I was mean or was just ignored.

I put DD in nursery immediately, saying she needed socialising & play based learning before school. MIL made constant comments about how she never saw the children anymore (saw them every weekend) but I ignored it.

Unfortunately it's still done damage. DD loves sweets too much so we have to minimise DC access and teach them about good food choices.

My MIL feeds everyone excessive amounts of junk. It’s insane. She would happily allow sweets for breakfast, lunch and tea. Examples that spring to mind include giving my hungry toddler 4 bags of crisps instead of dinner and giving my 6 year old a share bag of skittles, all to himself, three days in a row!

My DH suffered from bulimia in his teens and 20s. Both he and his siblings have appalling dental problems. She was allowed to childmind for two of her grand daughters - both developed anorexia and have terrible teeth. Instead of lunch she’d give them two cream cakes each, every day!

I tried reasoning with her, but she wouldn’t listen. She fully expected to childmind my kids, but I refused. Caused huge upset and arguments. She doesn’t see my kids nearly as often as she should. It’s a real shame, but she only has herself to blame.

Weirdly, she prides herself on how little she eats and seems to get a kick out of watching kids indulge. She does odd things like starves herself for 3 days before her Christmas lunch. Not a good role model at all!

I'll add DH was on board because I approached it through a health & obesity level, not an attack on MIL. DH is still overweight and has had to quit sugar because he is addicted to it, thanks to his poor food upbringing.

I meant find a place but don’t tell the mil until the day before. Obviously it’s impossible to find a place so fast.

I don't think it is at all weird to want to spoil your grandchildren, @BubziOwl - spoiling doesn't have to mean overindulging a child with unhealthy food.

Dh and I have one granddaughter, and we spoil her by buying her books and clothes, and by making things for her (a blanket, two Fair Isle cardigans and a knitted chimpanzee in a tutu), and by giving her love and attention whenever we see her.

Sorry @SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius that's kind of what I meant (but obviously didn't say properly!) - I meant the people who excuse stuffing their grandchildren with junk food with the "spoiling them" line are strange in my opinion and probably have huge issues relating to food themselves. Why would you want to give a child you profess to love issues with food too, never mind the health implications?!

A grandparent who "spoils" as you do sounds perfect to me!