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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

MIL won't stop feeding junk

59 replies

silversunshine · 27/06/2023 20:29

Hi everyone

I really need to just rant/let off some steam and hopefully get some advice

My boy is 18m old, my MIL watches him 4-5 times a week whilst my husband and I work full time.

I wanted to send him to nursery but MIL was adamant she wanted to help.

Her feeding is getting completely out of hand. When we are at work she is persistently going against our wishes and giving him crisps/biscuits/chocolate. Every single day.

Even when I've explained to her that I do not want him to have these things every day, I tell her I've made his packed lunch and there is a healthy snack and that's all I want him to have. She will agree to my face but then give him junk when I leave. One time I had to turn round and come home as I forgot my phone and when I walked in he was sat in his high chair eating chocolate buttons at 930am.

We have even gone to the extreme of hiding all of our junk food in the house, she will then sneak stuff in her pockets/handbag.

She did the same with our dog who has piled on so much weight since she has been in the house with her every day. She gives her treats after treat after treat. We hid the dog treats and the same happened with her sneaking dog treats in her bag!

I just don't understand why she won't stop feeding.

We have asked her not to multiple times, when my husband has got frustrated with her she will then turn the waterworks on and start crying saying we are having a go at her and it will cause family friction for days

I feel like she is totally undermining me as his mummy and it's coming across like she just doesn't have any respect for what I say,

I must admit I have been reluctant to confront her about it properly because I am scared of confrontation, I've always just asked my husband to speak to her. I feel like I just look like a mug.

Ever since I started weaning him I've bent over backwards to make sure I've introduced him to lots of different food varieties and 99% of the time all his meals are made very healthy! Of course we allow him treats crisps/chocolate now and then. It's so important to me that he is healthy and eating nutritional things!

Currently having a look into starting nursery, which is going to cost an arm and a leg but I feel like it's the only way he won't be eating shit every day.

I know I'm being too soft and just completely not standing up for myself but I really don't want to cause problems for my husband with his side of the family. If it was anyone else I'd be going mad at them but I feel completely on egg shells

Thank you for reading

Any advice/similar experiences welcome x

OP posts:

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MrsTerryPratchett · 27/06/2023 20:33

I just don't understand why she won't stop feeding.

Sounds like love = food for her and she can't change. Nursery is the only answer I'm afraid. Sorry. Because all that will happen if you try to play the heavy is she'll hide it better.

SnapPop · 27/06/2023 20:34

I'd feel the same as you OP. It sounds like nursery is the answer.

Hiddiddleyho · 27/06/2023 20:37

I agree with the others. If you don't want to cause a rift then could you maybe do 2 or 3 days nursery and 1 or 2 with grandma, and just put up with the food issue because it's only one day.

Sunnydaysaredefhere · 27/06/2023 20:37

Nursery... Why wouldn't you? She doesn't have your dc's best interests does she?

Azerothi · 27/06/2023 20:37

It's not you aren't standing up for yourself, it is you aren't standing up for your son and your wishes for him to have different food that your MIL refuses to give him.

If this is so vital and important you should remove him immediately from his granny's care. If you feel strongly you have to advocate for your child despite feeling uncomfortable doing it.

IkeaMeatballGravy · 27/06/2023 20:38

If she won't stop undermining you, it's best to put him in nursery, otherwise it only gets worse. Oncr my DS1 was a bit older my MIL starting letting him have sharing bags of haribo to himself along with crisps and ice cream. He would spend the night being sick. She would also let him do other things that we did not allow him to do at home and it totally undermined us as parents. She doesn't have our DCs on thier own anymore.

mycoffeecup · 27/06/2023 20:38

Book him into nursery and tell her why you're doing it

IkeaMeatballGravy · 27/06/2023 20:39

*started sorry!

BlueKaftan · 27/06/2023 20:39

My brother and Sil do this my great niece. They feed happy meals twice a week. They think it’s adorable that she loves her food so much.

FourFourOne · 27/06/2023 20:41

Put him in nursery.

Original poster

silversunshine · 27/06/2023 20:42

@Hiddiddleyho this is exactly what we are thinking. Then at least we know it’s not every day. X

OP posts:

Kitcaterpillar · 27/06/2023 20:43

My MIL was the same, although only has my DD one day a week. As a PP said, food = love to her. My husband read her the riot act after one particularly ridiculous ice cream incident (I still can't think about it without feeling cross) and basically said we were happy/able to put her in nursery that day if things didn't change.

Things changed so...go nuclear?

Original poster

silversunshine · 27/06/2023 20:43

@Azerothi you’re totally right. I know I have to tell her straight. We are putting him in nursery

OP posts:

Greentree1 · 27/06/2023 20:43

Can you give her some healthy treats he would like to replace the chocolate, etc. If she sees he really likes other healthy things she may be happy to use them. She wants to spoil him, maybe she can in a better way.

Isthisexpected · 27/06/2023 20:44

This is so awful. Speak up. Your child needs parents with a backbone. Send your toddler to nursery instead.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/06/2023 20:46

I’d be blunt - “MIL - if you can’t or won’t stop feeding our ds junk food and treats, we will put him in nursery. We know how much you love him, and we don’t want to do it, but his health has to be our top priority.”

thisisallquitecomplicated · 27/06/2023 20:46

Nursery is the only answer. It is so important that whoever takes care of baby follows your 'rules', even if they don't see the sense in it themselves. This is your child and (unless you endanger them) it is your turn to raise them as you think is right.

Food is really big in our family, and everyone is keen to see our baby have treats. We try to be a bit flexible in that baby can have a bite of a treat (he had a bite of a biscuit today and was instantly obsessed) and a lick of ice cream, but that it should be a part of a broader, healthy general menu.

Bluebells1970 · 27/06/2023 20:50

Yes, how very dare she love and spoil a grandchild....

I'd phone SS and the Police while you're at it.

Original poster

silversunshine · 27/06/2023 20:51

@Isthisexpected yep, definitely nursery

OP posts:

User17865 · 27/06/2023 20:51

It is so important that whoever takes care of baby follows your 'rules', even if they don't see the sense in it themselves.

This really stood out to me. My Mum went along with things that were important to me that she thought I was being over the top about, hygiene mainly. She was happy to do it anyway because I’m their Mum! I’d be worried there would be other things she’d do against your wishes.

Original poster

silversunshine · 27/06/2023 20:52

@Greentree1 i leave her healthy treats every day. I think nursery is the only option

OP posts:

User17865 · 27/06/2023 20:53

Bluebells1970 · 27/06/2023 20:50

Yes, how very dare she love and spoil a grandchild....

I'd phone SS and the Police while you're at it.

Oh piss off! What a toddler eats is really important, both in terms of health and in terms of learning about food for the future. Loads of sugary crap will give them cravings for more sugar. She can love him and spoil him with her time and attention and healthy food that he enjoys.

Original poster

silversunshine · 27/06/2023 20:54

Thank you everyone for all your replies and advice.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/06/2023 20:57

Bluebells1970 · 27/06/2023 20:50

Yes, how very dare she love and spoil a grandchild....

I'd phone SS and the Police while you're at it.

Once a week is OK, once a month is great. 4-5 times a week affects health and that is not OK.

wutheringkites · 27/06/2023 20:58

Bluebells1970 · 27/06/2023 20:50

Yes, how very dare she love and spoil a grandchild....

I'd phone SS and the Police while you're at it.

This is such bullshit.

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