Back to work after baby - how would you do it?

[LuckyEarthDragon]

Hi everyone, looking for some mumsnet wisdom :)

Currently pregnant with first baby. Starting to think about how I’ll return to work after mat leave. I’ll need to go back full time.

Please give me all your opinions on what you would do in my shoes! Situation as follows:

• Currently contracted to 37 hours a week.
• Need to be in office 1-2 days a week.
• Office has ofsted rated outstanding nursery which is also subsidised.
• Long commute into work from outside London into central London - 1.5 hours each way by train/tube. Once in London I can walk through the park to work but that takes commute up to 2 hours. Could I bike it with one of those trolley chariot things for the baby to save tube stress? Train in/out London not too horrendous - I always get a seat.
• No childminder or nursery for under twos in local village. Nearest option a short drive or 30 min walk away.
• Only one car which partner uses for work.
• Office v open to flexi hours (10-3.30 core) and 10 days in 9.
• Husband’s office a bit unknown - small, not many people with kids, his manager doesn’t have any. Not sure how it would be received if he tried 10 days in 9 / similar but could ask.

Currently I’m thinking I ask to work 10 days in 9 so I have every other Friday off, see if husband can do the same so he does the alternate Friday. Then 2 days in office 9-5 with baby at the subsidised nursery and the remaining 2 with a local childminder at the nearest village? But not sure what the average childminding cost is and will be painful to fork out ££££ when the subsidised nursery is so great (but so far away!).

All feedback welcomed :)

How subsidised is the nursery? I'd imagine if it's in central London it might be more expensive than a more local childminder (pre subsidy at least!).

Commuting with a baby is grim. I'd probably look for a local childminder/nursery to do all of it tbh, but you really need an idea of respective costs. Whereabouts are you?

I cycle in London with small kids. I love it, but you need the proper kit and I wouldn’t do a trailer. You need a proper cargo bike but they are costly and I would be worried about leaving it at the station as it can’t get on a train (or some can). And if you’re not used to cycling with kids it takes some time to get use to weight.

Whatever the solution good luck!

Thanks so much name change and newjob. Nursery is £46 a day and £400 a month if we did two days there each week. Not sure how that compares to other options yet although a quick mumsnet search suggests childminders are around £65 a day? Probably up to £70 soon with inflation I can imagine? We’re north of London in Berkshire.

That’s super cheap. I’m in west London and it was £94.50 per day 2 years ago!

Thanks newjob that’s a useful comparison. All very new to me! For biking through the park I was thinking I could find something like this and use it as a buggy on the train then attach to my bike once in London (storing the bike at the London station bike rack overnight): www.johnlewis.com/thule-chariot-cross-majolica-blue/p5305719?sku=239218676&size=single&s_ppc=2dx92700070985443024_mixed_fashion_BAU&tmad=c&tmcampid=2&gbraid=0AAAAAD2el1yWMUhLC0qlGzCI33ocdjvoR&gbraid=0AAAAAD2el1yWMUhLC0qlGzCI33ocdjvoR&gclid=CjwKCAjw79iaBhAJEiwAPYwoCB2lh6-o1brPFUuyBcentDZJ7GIRYH-R5wVcLCGCTlIKO77cgFz2hhoCfvsQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Am I being really impractical to consider?

Your nursery is £46 a day?! Bloody hell that's cheap, are you sure that's right?

Being honest I wouldn’t take a baby in a commute into London, it’s too long a journey for them twice a week and it’s pretty horrible in rush hour. Two settings per week will be confusing too.

I’m guessing the Parliament nursery? If so it’s very good!

But I agree with PPs - there’s no way I’d want to commute with a baby or (worse) toddler, and I’d look at local alternatives.

cc yes that’s correct, that’s why it feels such a waste not to use it. But overthebow I’m worried you’re right especially re baby having two different settings although if it was a local nanny or childminder for the other days maybe that’s ‘homey’ enough not to be unsettling?

Childcare.co.uk has a calculator of average prices for your postcode.

Ohh that’s brilliant daffodil thank you!

That's amazing, I pay that for a half day in the North!

Personally not sure how I'd manage a commute with a baby though, I know that's not helpful of me to say :( Even if it's usually an easy commute!

I have cycled with a trailer but there is no way I would do that on busy roads every day! Sorry. How long is the cycle? How busy are the roads? Are you totally away from traffic on cycle lanes?

I would find a local childminder and forget commuting with a baby.

That's a very long time to be on a train at a busy, non child friendly time. What would do if it needed a feed on a busy train? Nappy change? Both are likely to happen, possibly multiple times in one trip.

You'd also probably be carrying quite a few things if you need your work stuff, the baby and a baby bag. All that on a busy train full of commuters frankly sounds like hell.

A single, local setting would be better in my experience.

Congratulations on the baby though, you'll figure it out in the end.

I've done a couple of work trips into London recently in rush hour.

I always managed to get a seat fine but it was busy and cramped. I think it would be a nightmare with a baby, buggy, work stuff.

The nursery sounds like a brilliant deal but I don't think it's worth the stress of the long commute with a baby.

I have a 2.5 year old and am pregnant with my second.

There is absolutely no way on earth I'd commute with a baby, or a toddler. That's my version of hell.

The difficult issue seems to be no childminder in your village combined with long commute - which will make things trickier once you are dealing with school. (If you take a year off until your baby is 1 then only have 3 years of this set up before you need to have the next plan in place).

if realistically you will look to move once you are trying to juggle work and school to a different village or into a local town, I might consider doing that sooner. Several friends juggled a really tricky preschool set up, then moved to make things easier for school to houses that would have meant they could have had an easier preschool care set up if they’d done that earlier.

worth factoring it in and having the conversation early!

(id commute in with baby and use work nursery.)

likely an unpopular opinion but would you/could you move into London and use the office more and the nursery more?
We decided to move into London after baby was born so we could see DC for meaningful time at the start and end of each day - commuted when pregnant and realised I couldn’t leave the house at 0630 and arrive back after 7pm and still expect to see DC at all.
I would give my right hand for a subsidised outstanding nursery place.

Thanks everyone, I think you’re all confirming what I was fearing re office nursery not practical. Will have to dig more into what local options there are, has just surprised me it’s more limited than I’d like expected but I’m sure we’ll find something practical. Paying more just feels a bit painful to come to terms with :| No idea how brave people manage logistics and finances of more than one!

Ensure you have family legal insurance before you try to return to work. Just in case your work are less than respectful of the laws....

I'd go for a local childminder for the full four days (love the Fridays off idea but I'd swap that to Mondays so you don't lose out in bank holidays).

Having a local CM all the days means if you get a day off you can still use CM, dh can do drops/picks up if he gets the chance.

Presumably a local CM will also then do drops/collects at the local school so thats a bonus as you'll want that full time when they are at school.

Commuting child free means you can actually get some downtime yourself - read, do an online food shop if you need to, work if possible etc.

Honestly? I would move house or change jobs.

Commuting with a baby in tow... no way.

You can't take baby with you to use the work nursery, it's WAAAY too long a day for the poor baby, so you will need to find local childcare and your partner will have to do the drop offs and pick ups on the days you commute to the office.

And yes of course he should also ask to work 9 days in 10 so each of you should alternative work/childcare on Fridays.

I commute 30 mins with my baby 3 days a week and sorry to say it is awful. Any longer and I’d actually crack up.

Have had incidents where the trains are down and we end up on a bus in terrible traffic her screaming 🤪

the train with the buggy is hard and all our stuff (laptop, nursery bag, lunch etc) there’s no lift so I end up having to take her out and carry buggy with one hand, backpack on, and her in one arm

then when you get on you need to fight for a space for thr buggy

i wouldn’t recommend 🙈

I don't understand this point.

Before i had my DD, i had this idea that i would commute into central London with her, leave her at the nursery near work (Civil Servant but not on Parliamentary estate so not the HoC nursery) and then pick her up and come home.

Once she arrived, from the age of 3 months, she basically puked every time we went in a car or on a train longer than 1hr (and we take a 2hr train every couple of months to see grandparents). So it was just out of the question. I also REALLY appreciate the commute now as quiet me time to read a book or listen to a podcast or just sit with my eyes closed without a 16month old being attached to me 😅

We have organised ourselves by me dropping a day (my choice, i love having a day a week at home with her), then i do 2 days per week wfh when DH goes into the office, and he does 2 days per week wfh when i go into the office. Whoever is wfh does the nursery run, leaving the other person free to do the long commute. DH's company had noone working from home pre covid but agreed to him doing this.

The nursery costs you have are amazing so i see why you want to take advantage - we are in z3 South London and it's £80per day for nursery, childminder a bit less but not so much.

Depending on your family income, might also be worth looking at whether there is a local nanny / agency? But usually pricier so we discounted it fairly early on.