Back to work after baby - how would you do it?

[LuckyEarthDragon]

Hi everyone, looking for some mumsnet wisdom :)

Currently pregnant with first baby. Starting to think about how I’ll return to work after mat leave. I’ll need to go back full time.

Please give me all your opinions on what you would do in my shoes! Situation as follows:

• Currently contracted to 37 hours a week.
• Need to be in office 1-2 days a week.
• Office has ofsted rated outstanding nursery which is also subsidised.
• Long commute into work from outside London into central London - 1.5 hours each way by train/tube. Once in London I can walk through the park to work but that takes commute up to 2 hours. Could I bike it with one of those trolley chariot things for the baby to save tube stress? Train in/out London not too horrendous - I always get a seat.
• No childminder or nursery for under twos in local village. Nearest option a short drive or 30 min walk away.
• Only one car which partner uses for work.
• Office v open to flexi hours (10-3.30 core) and 10 days in 9.
• Husband’s office a bit unknown - small, not many people with kids, his manager doesn’t have any. Not sure how it would be received if he tried 10 days in 9 / similar but could ask.

Currently I’m thinking I ask to work 10 days in 9 so I have every other Friday off, see if husband can do the same so he does the alternate Friday. Then 2 days in office 9-5 with baby at the subsidised nursery and the remaining 2 with a local childminder at the nearest village? But not sure what the average childminding cost is and will be painful to fork out ££££ when the subsidised nursery is so great (but so far away!).

All feedback welcomed :)

Remember you'll be entitled to Tax Free Childcare which effectively gives you 20% discount if you use a registered childcare provider. It helps a bit!

There is no way you'll be able to commute 1.5 hours with a baby/toddler. It's pretty unfair on them too, they just need dinner, bath and bed after a busy day at nursery.
DD 19m would be livid if I tried to bike her across London then on to a train for 1.5 hours after nursery, she'd be ratty with tiredness and hunger, cry her eyes out, then probably fall asleep ruining her night time sleep. Where would you feed its dinner? Nursery generally does a light tea like a crumpet so they still need a meal at home.
I'd find a local childminder where DH can drop off (most allow 7:30am start) then you could start early, finish early and pick her up using your chariot or walking. You'll then have every other Friday with her. The only downside is the cost but it's £50 per week for a lot less stress and a happier baby in a foot settled routine.

Try the nursery, but organise your finances so you are prepared to switch to a childminder if it’s a nightmare. Do you really have to bike? Experiment to see if there are quieter times or routes.

Try and limit it to once a week (can you reduce your time in the office slightly?)

talk with DH - if his work can’t agree to some home working or 10 days in 9, I’d want him to look for another job - else you will end up doing all the baby managing. Don’t fall into that - be equal partners.

BTW is his work near enough to do the commute with you when you have the baby?

Thanks Lime and Lazjaz. Re moving, unfortunately dh commutes opposite direction so it wouldn’t be practical to move into London for him, plus we also just bought in the area on a comparatively good long term fixed mortgage which we’d not want to switch up for a while. The local school is walkable from our house so hopefully logistics wise from that point it’s a bit easier, especially if they do breakfast / after school clubs.

Re what you need to take - friend who commuted with baby was a lot more organised than I would be for a day out - from what she did - you’d need a buggy you can fold in one piece and can go flat for naps, have a sling on you, so if you have to fold the buggy you can pop baby in easily without having to juggle putting that on and then folding.

Don’t be tempted for 2 bags - one big rucksack for both of you, with possibly a crossbody clutch size for your essentials (purse/phone/keys) - keep stuff in your desk at work.

you’ll need a raincoat with a hood, because commuting with a buggy and an umbrella is just not going to be easy. Possibly ear defenders for the tube for baby. (It can get really loud on some lines)

do you have colleagues who are doing the commute with a baby/toddler now or have done recently? I’d ask for an honest assessment of how it works.

Find out about the school before and after school clubs now - also think about holidays.

(the time will fly!)

the nursery - do they give the toddlers dinner? If they do, then it might be easier.

But if you're only in the office 1 or 2 days a week, it wouldn't make sense to put the child in the office subsidised nursery, because you'd have to be travelling there on the days you're WFH just to get them to nursery??

I think you need to find childcare closer to home and keep your days in the office down to 1 day a week. Does your partner work closer to home than you? What is your plan if you get a call from nursery/childminder to say your child is unwell and you have a 2 hour commute to get to them??

Just wanted to say I really appreciate all the comments and replies, I’ve had the options running round at the back of my head for a few months and just hearing the feedback is super helpful!

@confusedlots - the OP plans to use the work nursery for the 2 days she’s in the office then a childminder in the next village (still half hour drive away) for her WFH days.

No she said it's a short drive or half hour walk.

Just to clarify the local childminders are a 30 min walk away or probably a 10-20 min drive depending on what we picked, but we do only have one car which dh needs to get to his office. I think we could get a second cheap and boring car if it helps solve the logistics.

There’s no way that commute is fair on a young child. The day will be far too long and the practicalities of doing it when they are ill (which you can expect to happen monthly in the first year) doesn’t bear thinking about - 1.5hrs when they are projectile vomiting or feverish would be hell.
You want them as near to home as possible. Babies are easy, 3 year olds aren’t.

I’d request 9 days in 10 each with 1 office day and use childcare nearer home. Our nursery is 25 mins drive from home (used to be 10 mins but we moved and love the nursery) which isn’t ideal but 30 mins would be my max.

It’s worth trying the sums on slightly part time too. I dropped 7 hours a week and found that because we then got child benefit and I dropped a band for pension contribution, plus a day less childcare the net difference wasn’t very much compared to full time. I couldn’t have dropped any more.

Other posters have raised an important point - if your baby is vomiting at the work nursery how do you plan on getting them home?

If you instead go for the CM, who is there when you at work go pick your child up if similar happens?

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Having legal insurance means, should her employer not allow the OP to return to work as per the law, she will have the ability to take legal action.

Something like one woman in five have problems, and there is no legal aid available, so having insurance before it happens is essential.

Yorkshireteacup you mentioned the idea of a nanny and it maybe being more expensive - I thought that too but I was chatting to my sister who has two kids and she said sometimes nannies are cheaper as they aren’t ofstead rated / tracked? But then said as a result she didn’t recommend it as an option. Could you or anyone else advise on that one?

Rutland and redwing good point re if baby gets sick at nursery and needs to be brought home.

If family income is under £100k x

I did a daily commute into London with a baby/toddler - one train 20-25 mins plus a walk, travelling around 7:30 am for 3 years. I absolutely wouldn't have been able to do the tube. (I did have to on occasion- it was a nightmare)

It worked for us because I was in the office 4 days a week and couldn't find somewhere close to home which would fit my hours, but it was very hard. Main problems I found

were getting space with a pushchair in rush hour, (doesn't sound like that would be such an issue for you)

keeping toddler amused / happy to avoid tantruming especially if you're on a busy train, I had books, snacks, played 100s of games of eye spy - it can be intense parenting.

Having no separation between home and work - no down time to get into work mode/mindset

If the trains were ever late /cancelled it was a nightmare stuck a packed train station with a pushchair.

That said the advantages for me were not having to rush out the door or risk being late for nursery and I felt that I got to spend more time with DD - but in hindsight I wonder how I did it.

I have also done a nursery that required a drive for my other DD which was also annoying, but on balance if you can make pick-up drop off hours and get into work, I'd maybe be inclined to do that. Could you attempt the nursery in London then up you child minder days if it's awful?

It’s not £100k household income, you can have £99k each, just as long as neither earns over £100k.

The commute would be too much for a little one, especially after a full day in nursery. If anything like mine, would fall asleep in the way home and then be up all hours. What if there were delays, especially in the winter with a little one.

Sorry, I know this probably doesn't help you x

A lot of people work a long commute away from their nursery/childminder. If my DC is sick then we have over an hour commute to get her. It's just how it is for a lot of people so don't worry too much about that.

My childminder (London) is £6 an hour but as your work hours are really flexible you could make the most of that to minimise the hours of childcare you need and this would bring the cost down. We stagger drop off and pick up so we only pay for 7 hours a day of childcare despite us both working 60 hours a week with over an hour commute each way on the days we are in the office.

@ZoChan it's if individual income is over 100k, not household income - and that's net adjusted income so for most people they'd need a wage substantially over that to not be eligible.

The dad could collect.

Local minder for 5 days (ask around if anyone is interested in starting minding)
Work 5 days as otherwise you will have really long days (I think you mean to work 10 days in 9)
Dh drops DB to minder on his way to work, you collect if you are wfh (maybe a bike+ baby carrier if roads are decent)

There is no good option here; nurseries and childminders often call when your child is unwell, and have a "three strikes and you're out" rule with loose nappies ... ad you simply cannot have a parent so far away... or dragging a poorly baby home on a bike and train.

How far is your DH's commute? Can he commit to all the drop off and pick ups from Childminder?

If you are considering biking the baby in London, could you not instead bike the baby to the childminder (to avoid the 30 min walk)?

Why do you HAVE to go back FT - is there absolutely no PT discussion to be had?

Seems very cheap but it'll be so tough commuting that distance with a baby/toddler. Too much for them to sit still and behave.
I'd get a nanny or local childminder even if it's more expensive. You don't want to be dealing with an overtired, grumpy child!!