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Original poster

Is it ok to leave baby with grandparents to go on honeymoon?

120 replies

Demacrexsigma · 15/10/2022 10:58

11 month old dilemma

Me and my husband got married in March 2020, just before Covid hit and closed everything off. So we rebooked our honeymoon like three times so as not to lose the money. At the end of the third booking we had to cancel as they’d upped the costs by an extra £3000 and as both of us were on furlough still we couldn’t afford that so we cancelled. We only got half our money back and the rest the airline kept so we had to book another holiday by January 2022, which we have for June 2023.
We didn’t quite expect that I’d get pregnant quite so quickly after trying and welcome our firstborn in July 2022. However we can’t afford to upgrade the tickets to accommodate the baby as well and as it’s our honeymoon too to Disneyland.
Its booked for 18 days and my parents are completely fine to have him for those many days, but I’m worried as an 11 month old he’s not going to be happy and going to miss us too much even with video calls every day.
Is it better to just lose the £2500 and book somewhere around the UK to take him with us, or would he be ok with the grandparents?

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Maireas · 15/10/2022 13:26

Shayisgreat · 15/10/2022 13:03

I think going on a one-off honeymoon is different to just going on regular holidays without your baby. You'll probably only ever have 1 honeymoon.

To be fair, it's just a holiday.
It's not like a young couple with no children having their first time away together.

Bananarama21 · 15/10/2022 13:28

We left dd who was just turned 1 but it was a aweek and didn't have any lasting effects. She's still very close to us and extended family. 18 days would be too much for me.

Leobynature · 15/10/2022 13:30

Why ads are asking strangers on the internet if it is Ok? This is your life. If it’s ok with your parents and it’s you feel ok about leaving him then go. Only you as his mother could know whether he will be settled or not

YukoandHiro · 15/10/2022 13:33

I wouldn't. The child will struggle with it, even if the GPS don't. I expect you will also struggle more than you realise - of course you're desperate for a break, but after a couples of nights away I think you'll wish you hadn't agreed to such a long separation.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/10/2022 13:34

I can't even imagine considering this, never mind doing it.

CottonSock · 15/10/2022 13:37

I don't see how it costs anything to add him to the booking. They fly for free etc

woff45 · 15/10/2022 13:40

I don't see how it costs anything to add him to the booking. They fly for free etc

Just the joy of the holiday 😬😂

strangelyenough · 15/10/2022 13:42

We went on honeymoon when dd was around 18 months for a week and left her with parents. To be honest we spent the whole time stressing if she was ok. If I could go back and do it again I would just rebook somewhere with us all and a babysitter service

Pemba · 15/10/2022 13:47

I wouldn't do it, because he's too young to understand that you're ever coming back. He could end up really traumatised. 18 days is a long time.

It's a terrible shame about the money though. No chance of your taking him along? (Apologies if you've already covered that).

Suprima · 15/10/2022 13:47

I know everyone has their different likes and dislikes and someone’s holiday heaven is another’s holiday hell….but no I wouldn’t leave my child for three weeks to go Disneyland. It’s a long time when they are at clingy stage. Also, it is a family destination (sorry disney adults- but it is for kids) so i’d
feel even meaner leaving them if it was me. Your child would enjoy the baby stuff and make it even more magical. I don’t see how it would cost more to add them on? Park entrance is free until 3 and they fly for free and don’t take up a bed in the room…?

I don’t know anything about your parents financials and I know Disney is expensive- but could you possibly invite them along to help with baby if that’s doable? That way you can have some couple time and have someone to help so you can go on rides together without waiting with the pram?

Or another option…can’t you change the duration of the booking? A week? Ten days?

you might lose some money but you’ll still get your holiday. I think it’s a bit more doable if you are adamant you just want to go as a couple and are confident things will be ok.

Snugglemonkey · 15/10/2022 13:49

It is a lot of money to lose, but I wouldn't go, or would take him. You need to go with whatever makes you feel comfortable. I wouldn't leave my baby overnight at all at that age, but people have different comfort levels.

Doowop1919 · 15/10/2022 14:07

I couldn't do it. Our little one was very attached to us and I honestly think he would have been very upset. 18 days is a long time.

feistymama75 · 15/10/2022 14:18

Disney is free for under 3's. They can even eat for free at sit down restaurants on site.

Plane tickets are just the taxes so around £70 ish for Florida. There wouldn't be a charge to accommodate them in the hotel.

Mariposista · 15/10/2022 14:21

Go. Enjoy. You’re lucky to have such supportive parents. Get them a lovely present.

Pemba · 15/10/2022 15:29

Has no one done child psychology? John Bowlby and attachment theory? I think it's in his book, 'Child Care and the Growth of Love' where he describes what happens to a little boy when his mother has a long stay in hospital. The child becomes withdrawn etc. Its quite well known, studied in A level Psychology etc. The child does not understand that you're coming back.

I used to be friendly with a woman who was having a difficult second pregnancy so to give herself a break sent her 2 year old to stay with her PILs in another country in Europe. Whilst he was there the toddler caught meningitis and was in hospital there. The mother deeply regretted sending him (although he made a full recovery). I used to wonder secretly if her son's resistance to disease could have been lowered because he was disturbed at the separation from his parents.

Shame about the holiday but it's just not worth it!

Abraxan · 15/10/2022 15:39

18 days would have been too long for me (or Dh for that matter) to want to leave Dd for at that age. To be fair a week would have felt too long for me though it's fine for some.

18 days is a long time for a grandparent to be caring for a baby, especially if they are at that mobile but a bit unstable stage. Also old enough to notice main caters bit being there but not old enough to express it fully. I think you'd need to start building up longer and longer time with them and without you beforehand to get them used to the separation.

Would it really cost that much to add a baby to the booking? They'd be free for the hotel and even for the Disney parks. It'd only be the flight and at that age it isn't their own seat so it's usually a long cost.

KitchenSupper · 15/10/2022 15:46

I’d scale back Christmas and skip next summer’s holiday or whatever if it meant I could afford to bring the baby rather than be separated that long. Will you reach enjoy it without them?

boogieboogie · 15/10/2022 15:49

Hi OP, there will be people on here telling you they wouldn't do it etc etc, but who cares what anyone thinks! go away and enjoy yourselves, everyone will be absolutely fine!

GyozaGuiting · 15/10/2022 15:56

I’m not one of the ‘I’ve never spent a night away from my child and he’s 16 brigade’ but even I think this Is too long.
BUT…

I spent a week away from my 11 month old with work and whilst it was hard, he had a lovely time with his grandparents and they’ve a lovely bond now. It takes a village and all that.

So maybe cut it short? but still go!
These people that never leave their kids and have no life, I wonder what becomes of them when their kids leave home! They do more emotional damage than they realise never letting go. I say that as a product of the never letting go mother.

Pemba · 15/10/2022 15:57

It's not what 'everyone thinks', it's the effect on their precious child, which could be lifelong. Just because he can't verbalise it doesn't mean it's not real.

It's far too long.

DevaleraSpawnOfSatan · 15/10/2022 15:59

Sorry, but hell would freeze over first.

Maireas · 15/10/2022 16:01

It's not about "never letting go".
It's not bad parenting to want to be with a baby rather than holiday on a separate continent from them!
I never had parents or parents in law, which meant that mine were never left with anyone until much later. They then turned 18, went off to university, very happy, and managed to be capable and independent adults. No issues.
So don't worry if you'd rather not, OP. Your choice.

ClemmyTine · 15/10/2022 16:10

I would have my grandchildren for that long, and they would stay with me with no problems.
Get your child used to staying with your parents and go.

Take no notice of the nay sayers.

SummerCarnival · 15/10/2022 16:27

I'd go, but not for 18 days. That's a really long time to be away from a baby. Yes they'll be fine, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Id cut the trip short. Go for a week somewhere sunny in Europe or something so you're only a quick flight home and it's not for so long.

SummerCarnival · 15/10/2022 16:31

expandabandband · 15/10/2022 12:55

My parents did this when I was seven months old. Genuinely, it came up a lot in therapy, and I would see it has having a big impact on my relationship with my mother.

Although you could argue that this was because I had the kind of mother who thought it was OK to leave a child for two weeks when they were that age.

Okay, I'm all for people not leaving their baby for 18 days.

But it's been bought up in therapy because probably decades ago, your parents left you for 2 weeks to go on holiday?

I call bullshit

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