A bit of an upsetting thread but please let me know your thoughts.

[TheDevilWearsPrimark]

I haven't been on mn for a while but I hope you can help me get to terms with this.

Our nanny has always been wonderful , really good with the children and we never had any concerns. She pretty much became part of the family over the last few months.

We had an incident last week and I have 'suspended' her since. I feel so awful about it and don't know what to do.
We are in a new house and have had lots of decorating done lately. This means loads of tools and paint etc around the house but I have been careful about where the children go, and to clean it up.

Last friday I got a call from our nanny, in tears, saying we should meet her at the hospital. One of the ambulance crew took over the call and told me DS had been in the bath with a bottle of white spirit.

Her story is she left him for a couple of minutes (oh my gosh!) and came back to find him with the empty bottle in the bath and the whole place reeking of turps. He was hysterical so she first showered him off (good) then dashed to call an ambulance whilst he sat under the shower.

He is fine, he had a really bad dry skin afterwards but we have been reassured he didn't ingest anything. I just hope there will be no long term effects.

I just can't stop going over this. It was first the decorators fault for leaving it in the bathroom when he knows we have small children, then mine for not checking. Then hers for leaving him in the bath alone!?

I couldn't stop crying and it has become the typical thing, I feel guilty for going to work now and leaving my children. I never thought I would be that woman, but this has really shaken me.

Can anyone advise, as a parent, or as a caregiver, what I should feel or do about this?

In a way I'm glad for you that the situation has resolved itself in this way because, as I said before, I could not have comfortably continued employing her. I hope your future arrangements work ou. Good luck xz

Well I am amazed too.
I can understand that the question of suspending or not will resonate (particularly given turkishd's post) but I think, as I said before, you were right to. A suspension is just that - a breathing space - and it seems quite clear (to us on this thread) that while you were using your breathing space to try to see things from her point of view too, she was using hers to harden against you.

It is a very good thing that she was given that chance now - as it's logical she was going to get there sooner or later - and sooner is better for everyone.

What it shows conclusively is that however well she did manage in the event of a crisis (hospital etc.), the management of the after-crisis is not something she is up for yet - and that's what you want, someone who can deal with fall-out, consequences - the subtle stuff that needs maturity - as well as with the head-on emergency.

I am sorry, & all the very best with sorting out alternative care.

Goodness, what an awful situation for everyone involved. But, i'm glad to hear your child was ok!

I hope you all manage to resolve this situation one way or another, and you sould like a very fair employer to me

Oh gosh, TDWP, my sympathies. Am most interested to know what the employment lawyer says. Are you dismissing her because she allowed DS to have a bath in spirits, or because she can't have a mature professional conversation?

My contract says that any act which puts the children in danger is grounds for immediate dismissal. Do you have something similar.

And I wonder if there is something that should be in my contract to protect me from a similar situation that I haven't thought of.

Good luck with the new nanny search!!

Just a quick update to those who gave me (much appreciated) advice and reassurance on this thread.
We have still had no word from her, which is shocking behaviour on her part. I almost wish had some way to warn people who may employ her in the future, but then again perhaps that would be unfair.

We sent her a formal letter terminating her employment, along with a severance cheque of three months salary, I hope this is fair? The cheque has already cleared, so obviously she banked it pretty much immediately, nice to know her priorities!

I had hoped to hear from her but will not hold my breath.

On the plus side we have found a lovely new nanny who is working for us on a part time trial basis at the moment. Things are going well so far!

read this thread a few days ago
More than fair I'd say, not necessarily because of what happened but how she has handled it since!

Gosh, she's either really really immature or having a nervous breakdown over it.

Let's hope out of charity it's the latter and she simply CANNOT cope with the guilt. Getting defensive when someone asks how it came to pass that you took their child to A&E shows a remarkable lack of empathy for the parents. Even if you don't have your own children, I'd have said, yes you did have the right to question her.

Poor you, I hope things work out.

3 months' pay sounds extremely generous. References are extremely important for nannies aren't they? I would say as well as behaving extremely immaturely she is risky jeopardising future employment because she doesn't want to ask you for a reference.

Fair to kind. She should have had no money at all!

I think you sound absolutely and completely lovely. I was a Nanny for 10years and Never would i ever put a child in that situation. My own son is now 2.5yrs and i don't trust him with the tap let alone the bath.
You sound like an amazing and very supportive employer who clearly put her own emotions aside and still worried about others.

You have been more than generous in the pay off and that was obviously a decision you wanted to make....If it was me in that position as the nanny, i wouldn't have the heart to ignore your calls and leave behind a situation like that.

Good luck with your future and i am sure the nanny will not forget what could have been an entirely different outcome, and learn from it.

I would just give her a written warning and get her back working with the children.

On the you feeling guilty thing if anything happened to my 5 with a nanny I always thought well if they'd have been with me we might have had 5 x as many incidents. Generally nannies are more careful than parents.

Xenia
Please read the thread before you post with an irrelevant comment

I know you are oh so busy and all but still...

I read what had happened - the stuff in the bath. We all make mistakes.

I have no guilt issues about leaving my children in trusted care.

As much as you might love to think I do so you can tell me all about womens rights etc

DWP - three months severance pay - I think you have been very generous and have acted with empathy and understading throughout. I hope things go well with your new nanny.

TDWP - what a terrible time for you. FWIW I think you really handled it well.

Of course you need to think about what to say when she comes begging for a reference. Notwithstanding her shocking behaviour following the meeting I imagine she will come to you for a reference because, of course, you really really need one to be a nanny. I'm sorry if I'm telling you something you already know but you will have to be honest in your reference and say she left as a result of her gross miscunduct or whatever. A very close friend of mine had to fire her nanny for gross misconcuct and when the nanny came grovelling for a reference she gave her one becasue she felt guilty. Total disaster because this nanny did exactly the same thing in her new job and said to her new employer "Mrs X never minded when I did it". Cue very angry phone call from Mrs Y to my friend.