How hard is it once they're at school?

[lamby12]

I've posted on AIBU the wider indecisiveness over whether or not to move closer to my parents, but one of the main things that feeds into the decision is childcare.

People keep saying that things gets easier as they get older and once they're at school we won't feel the benefit of being close to parents so we may as well just stay put. I'm not so sure, I feel like 7am-6pm nursery is surely easier than working round school hours (DC aren't actually there that long but that's the opening hours..!)

In a nutshell, trying to decide whether to move. Houses near my parents are more expensive, so less house for more money. But they are really keen to help with childcare more and we have no support here. At current they are 1.5hrs away but I drive there at least once a week, or my mum comes here. She picks up all emergencies despite the distance. I'm keen to move because I feel isolated and struggle with no childcare support nearby, but some saying just stick it out til school kicks in. The main reason to stay put is financial.

Is it easier then??

It’s harder, frankly, unless you have the right childcare. After all, school finishes long before nursery would shut. We have a childminder we pay as though the DC we’re with her FT…so our childcare is verging on bulletproof but is expensive. Anything else leads to stress beyond belief as far as I can see. But we’re very lucky to be able to afford it all.

We found it far harder once school started, especially in the period with one at school and one still at nursery. Then there's the holidays. Our wraparound was (I think, it was years ago) 8 till 5.15 and just couldn't get back on time, we had to rely on parents and both of us working flexibly.

If you both work ft it would be worth moving closer in my opinion. The school holidays are looong and it's a slog for a 5yo to do after school club or childminder every day. There's also lots of sports days and other parental involvement during the day where having involved grandparents would help.

It depends how much you'll need them for regular childcare.

What would you do if you stayed put? Childminder? After school club?
Plenty of families manage without family nearby.

It's definitely more convenient being very local to grandparents but there's other things to weigh up. Do you want to move? What about work options?

You'd need to work out if childcare would be more or less expensive than your moving costs and fact you'd be moving to more expensive area.

Mine are teens now but we were over an hour away from my parents and they were still able to get here for a sick child if I rang them at 7am. One of us would just need to go into work a little late.

They've always covered some of the holidays too. I'd take DC through on a Sunday and they'd bring them back on the Wednesday (I work part time).
We used a Childminder for after school.
My childminder always covered some of the summer holidays too,

I agree with PP, if you are working, primary school is much harder.

We saved money in nursery fees but on a practical level, it makes a huge different if you have people around you who can help with school pick ups!

Thanks for the replies!

What sort of cost are breakfast/after school clubs? I'd imagine it varies but it would be useful to get ideas to help factor in the more expensive area vs less cost on wrap around care. I should say the area is also a lot nicer!

You’d need to contact your local school to see if they even have wrap around care and how much it costs. The other option is a local childminder but tbh I would make the move as it sounds like you are close to your parents.

I'd move if I were you, I would love to have my parents closer to help with childcare. I have two young children, one in primary school and one at nursery. The school holidays are really tricky so if your parents would be willing to help for a decent chunk of the holidays that would be invaluable IMO. Holiday clubs exist but I think it depends on the child, at the younger end of school age I think it can be hard, and perhaps for older ones too.
Also, my DC's school has breakfast club and after school club that are never over subscribed so I can always book them when needed, but I'm aware that we're lucky and not all schools have wraparound care - or if they do they don't always have space.

Also, it's not just about finances and practicalities. If you get on with your parents and you want them to have a good relationship with your children, that's got to be an important factor.

It can still work out around £350 plus a month for before/after school but ours provides an evening meal and breakfast

@AnotherEmma yes good point, obviously i know the school holidays is another thing but I hadn't even really thought into it that much. How do people do it?!

I don't work full time at the moment but would like to return to that eventually... at the moment I work fewer longer days, which is good for nursery but won't work for school.

I would love them to have a really close relationship. I will find it difficult it we stay and MIL moves to us, which she will, when DH has never been interested in being close to family. And let's face it I'll be with her all the time, not him as he'll be working. She's lovely, but I'd feel sad it wasn't my mum!

@shrugitoffonemoretime is that for one child???

I’d love to live closer to family. When my husband goes on work trips we have real difficulties with pick ups- I’m a teacher, so absolutely no flexibility. Even just having someone for appointments etc would be great. We’ve definitely found it harder since school.

For breakfast club and after school works out around £20/day- £5 for breakfast club and almost £15 for after school with a snack.

Our before school club is £5, but places are v limited and it’s not open till 7.45am. We have no after school clubs at all.

Wow. Our wraparound care is cheap by comparison. Breakfast club (from 8am) is £2.75 and ASC is £6.75 until 5pm or £8.75 until 6pm. So if you want the maximum 8am-6pm it's £11.50/day.

We work part-time and don't need breakfast club, just ASC a couple of days a week. We use Tax Free Childcare so we get money off too. The cost is negligible compared to nursery!

The summer holidays have been a headache to organise - we are having a family holiday (at great expense, summer holiday prices!) and apart from that it's a mixture of DH and I taking a bit of annual leave, childcare swaps with friends, and holiday clubs - but I'm dreading those as DS will not want to go, even though I've booked one that a couple of his friends are also going to.

It gets harder! I yearn for the days when I could drop dc off at 8am on my way to work and collect on my way home 51 weeks a year ! Our school wrap around care is £7 a day before (with breakfast) and £15 a day afterwards (with a snack). We don't use it, myself , dm and dmil juggle the school runs between us. There are approximately 13 weeks holiday and several inset days to cover. Dh use our annual leave to cover, we usually manage just a week off all together. There are several holiday clubs but they tend to run 10-2 so not much good to us. I actually cut down my hours to 3 days when my youngest started school, and I'm glad I did!

Breakfast and after school club here works out at £17 a day. Holiday club is £22-30 a day depending on how many hours you need.

People keep saying that things gets easier as they get older and once they're at school we won't feel the benefit of being close to parents

I have literally never heard anyone say either of those things!

my parents have been a lifesaver when it’s come to helping us out with childcare. Luckily I never needed it for holidays as well as that was about £30 per child per day round here and that’s was only 9-2!

Yes holiday clubs are limited hours and not necessarily all through the holidays either. Many are just school hours, and I saw one that's mornings only, how is that helpful?! The one we've booked does have a full day option (8am-6pm) thankfully, and runs all through the summer.

I think @lamby12 it depends on your parents attitude to the distance as well.
When my DC were at primary my parents were retired and very much of the opinion they were "only" an hour and a quarter away.

If childminder was ill they would happily drive through for after school pick up. If there was sports day or something else DH or I couldn't go to they would drive over and attend.

But some older people would feel that distance was too far.

If you get on with parents and they're keen to help then I would do it.

3.30pm pick ups, random midday events, plays,sports days, maypole etc. Loads easier if you can send a grandparent sometimes. Also going to GPs once a week after school for tea is the childhood of dreams. Much better than constant childcare. Even better if they can facilitate brownies etc as well.

Plus your parents get the benefits of a community be being regulars at a school gates

What gets easier as they start school: tantrums, toileting, the need for constant supervision,

What gets harder: logistics, school day timings, emotional demands (especially as they notice if their friends get picked up by parents / can do more clubs etc), making time for homework & reading, competing demands, later bedtimes, expectations of others/work who think you're passed the baby stage and your kids are magically self sufficient

I would also move. Not necessarily for regular childcare, but those ad-hoc situations where there's a play / sports day/ illness / early pick up required and you can't make it.

If you're going to need breakfast / after school club, you need to factor that into your decision about schools - not every school has it, the hours won't be the same at every school and in my DCs school, it was always massively over subscribed. Its a couple of years since we've used it - breakfast club was £9 per child (open from 7.30am) and ASC was £13 I think upto 5.30pm and £16 if you used it until 6.30pm. We eventually had an after school nanny (a lovely pensioner who was the grandma of a friend of a friend) but people willing to do just a couple of hours a day are like gold-dust.

External holiday clubs (i.e. not at school) are generally from 9-3pm here, about £35-40 a day, more reasonable if you commit for the whole week (say £150 for the week) but are generally centred around sport (so there'll be a football one, hockey / tennis etc) - great if your child is sport. Most schools will have one too - whilst they do trips, its not that great for the children as it feels much like normal school.

If you can break up term time care / holiday care by involving your parents, that would be ideal both financially and for the relationship they'll develop. Also, if they can take on some of the "to do" list - perhaps doing reading, giving them dinner so you can just go straight into the bedtime routine, that will be brilliant.

How old are your parents OP, are they keen to do regular childcare, do they holiday a lot?

As long as there is breakfast club / after school club, term-time is not too bad. We pay £15 per child for ASC up until 6pm. However we would struggle to fit in homework if dc were there 5 days a week, they're pretty knackered towards the end of term.

Holiday clubs are also fine although rarely in a convenient location for your carefully constructed term time house of cards. The ASC provider does do 8-6 but we usually use a mixture of cheaper 10-4 clubs (£25 per dc) and more expensive 8.30-5.30 clubs (£35 per dc)

The things that you can't really throw money at:
Inset days (no clubs)
Sports days, nativity, assembly - expect 1 per term and be grateful if they are less frequent!