How hard is it once they're at school?

[lamby12]

I've posted on AIBU the wider indecisiveness over whether or not to move closer to my parents, but one of the main things that feeds into the decision is childcare.

People keep saying that things gets easier as they get older and once they're at school we won't feel the benefit of being close to parents so we may as well just stay put. I'm not so sure, I feel like 7am-6pm nursery is surely easier than working round school hours (DC aren't actually there that long but that's the opening hours..!)

In a nutshell, trying to decide whether to move. Houses near my parents are more expensive, so less house for more money. But they are really keen to help with childcare more and we have no support here. At current they are 1.5hrs away but I drive there at least once a week, or my mum comes here. She picks up all emergencies despite the distance. I'm keen to move because I feel isolated and struggle with no childcare support nearby, but some saying just stick it out til school kicks in. The main reason to stay put is financial.

Is it easier then??

It really depends on your school. Ours has wraparound and it's run in house and is very flexible. It's about £20/day for both breakfast and after-school club but you can use tax free childcare account to pay it. With a couple of weeks of holiday club we can deal with the rest of the school holidays.

One option you might have is that your parents could come and stay during school holidays or your kids could go there

There are afterschool clubs, nurseries that have childcare for primary age kids, childminders etc. You can manage with these if you do 'normal' hours.
Despite what you say you do have help from your Mum occasionally. Would she be willing to help out if you were stuck?

how do people do it: flexible working, wfh, using all your annual leave to cover holidays, holiday camps!

id be cautious because you read so many threads where grandparents promise childcare but when faced with the reality don’t step up.

It’s really hard to find holiday clubs open long enough to cover a full working day where I am. So would suggest researching what’s available thoroughly.

here breakfast club is £4.25, breakfast included, and after school club is £10 til 6pm, snack included.

I have to send my DC to holiday club in a different primary school as his school doesn’t have one. That’s £130 per week and it’s only open for 4 weeks of the summer holidays. So that still leaves 9 weeks of holidays to cover!

Being near parents can be super helpful when kids are at school (if parents are available during the day) because they can do pick ups if needs be. We certainly used ours a bit when the kids were younger.

Wraparound childcare can be difficult if there's no breakfast/after school club or if either of those are oversubscribed - it's very hard to find a reliable after school nanny as, understandably, they're always looking for more hours so, IME, you find yourself getting thrown over if they get another shift at their other day job, or are offered a full time role. Unless you find someone who is consciously up for a PT role (eg, semi-retired, or bringing their own child with), you'll be spending a lot of time sourcing new after school nannies.

Honestly, the nursery years were hardest financially but Primary years are tricky.
I have 5 weeks leave and there are 13 weeks school hols, plus 5 inset days
I paid for holiday clubs and endless work arounds but I would have loved to be able to drop my kids round my parents during the holidays. And so would they.

Ahh the after school prices are insane! I had no idea it was that much.

There is of course some worry that you can't confirm the commitment to childcare with grandparents but I think there would be a lot of help from my mum. She has them 1 day a week at the moment but because of the distance it's a long day and pre arranged.

She has hobbies and therefore can only do it on her fully free days. Whereas a few streets away it can be a lot more short and frequent. She has a wonderful relationship with DC1 from seeing us twice a week and she's always the one on hand for emergencies (we don't have anyone else) but she often references the distance and I know it's annoying for her, and for us, driving a long way. She was a primary teacher her whole working life so she would enjoy collecting from school and doing homework etc, and any involvement in school events. She'd love it in fact.

Obviously there are no guarantees and we can't start tying down x amount of childcare before we move, but we have a fairly open and close relationship.

It gets slightly less expensive, but a bit more logistically challenging.

Nursery gave DD a hot tea every day, afterschool care only give them a snack.
Nursey ran 50/51 weeks of the year; with DD in primary school every school holiday (there are 6 throughout the year) I have to arrange childcare/clubs - there's plenty of choice, but you have to remember to book and pay (and take their opinion into account as they get older) - and the holiday clubs are in different locations/run for different hours to the before/afterschool care so you have to change your routine for the holiday weeks.

Schools seem to be very geared around there being at least one non-working parent, e.g. uniform is sold by the PTA and you collect at 3.30pm on a Friday.
As DD has got older (she's Y5) there are more school events, e.g. "your daughter has been selected to participate in an inter-schools choir - please pick her up at 3.30pm take her to where the event's taking place and collect her again at 4.30pm". Yes, we could just say 'it's not possible' but I don't want DD to miss out.

That said, you get to know other parents and can share lifts etc. between you.

We've managed and we don't have any family at all nearby. But you do need to be organised and, ideally, have a flexible employer.

Your mum sounds fantastic. I'd do it in a heartbeat if I were you.

I've found it harder with them at school, with nursery there is very little expectation of you getting involved. School comes with all sorts of things you are invited to - not just the obvious school plays, but harvest festivals, parades on dress up days, sessions to learn about how they teach something, sessions to look at their books.... Other parents are there do mine expect theirs to be too. If you have family locally it helps, I see a lot of grandparents covering daytime events.

Issues with primary school are:

1. Inset days. There may or may not be childcare availability on those days

1. Holiday childcare when child is at school but not yet 5. Worst for late August Birthdays as there's a whole year in the gap. Most providers can only offer very short sessions for U5s. There's also less choice in the first couple of years...

1. Random early finishes at the end of term. Don't necessarily line up with wraparound providers...

The other one to remember, as some people have eluded to, is that there are 5 inset days a year. I'm not aware of any childcare round here available on those days - the school is shut so nothing there, holiday clubs aren't running (because they differ by school) and our childminder wouldn't have them either as they had all their daytime term time kids in.

There are afterschool clubs, nurseries that have childcare for primary age kids, childminders etc. You can manage with these if you do 'normal' hours

Hahahaha, what sorcery is this?! Totally depends on the school, and where you live. In our area we have none of the above and after school club is only until 4.15pm. If DH didn't wfh in a very flexible job, we would be screwed - and he had to take that job due to the childcare commitments.

It gets far harder when they go to school, ime. At nursery age we dropped them at 7.30pm and picked them up at 6pm, already fed. Yes it was expensive, but so simple by comparison.

If you are thinking of moving before your child starts school you need to plan well in advance so that you are already living there when school applications open.

As a sahm I used to have my son's best friend and his sister here for a couple of inset days as there is no childcare available to cover that. The wraparound care is £5 for mornings from 7.30 until school start and £12 from school ending to 6pm.

Your mum sounds so lovely and I absolutely would move closer if I were you.

Yes i said DC is 4 but she is actually 4 in September (already thinking of her as 4 tbh!) so she's not at school til next year. Moving now would be perfect as we'd be in place for school applications in the autumn and, providing she can get in, the nursery is adjoined to the school so it'd only be one move then an easier transition to school.

I can't believe the cost of wrap around care.

I am the one in the flexible job. I wfh and am part time, have quite a bit of control over how I work the hours but when ones at school and one nursery (which will be the case for 3 years) that will be tricky. DH is in a totally inflexible job with lots of unpaid overtime and no Wfh whatsoever. So it all falls to me. Hence why I'm the driving force behind the move.

Probably more manageable for parents who are both in flexible jobs. And totally un-manageable for those who both aren't!!

The deadline for primary school applications is January, so as she's due to start reception in September 2023, you would need to get house-hunting now, really. My local authority requires proof of the new address by 31st January (so I guess you'd need to exchange contracts by then).

It's just us 2 to cover all of it. My MIL helped with our eldest before she died 5 years ago. We have 1 at primary at the moment who just finished P1.
We use breakfast / Afterschool club 5 days a week and holiday club. Holiday club is closed 1 week at Easter, 2 weeks in summer, 1 week in October and the 2 weeks at Christmas.

I cover all the weeks they are closed during the year. DH gets set holidays, so can always cover Christmas as he's always off for 2 weeks. I usually manage it off too. I buy an extra weeks leave every year.

If we go away, we do it when the club is closed over summer.

Our oldest is in High School. So I had it all figured out when he was in primary, his granny helped a bit then, but only some days.

1 salary childcare voucher reduction, cover month to month and the other salary reduction covers holidays. So far we're not out of pocket for the first year and just used childcare vouchers.

Oh and all inset days the holiday club is open. Only 2 or 3 BH's they are closed.

12.50 a day for breakfast and Afterschool club. Holiday club £20 a day.

Yes @AnotherEmma we've found a house! We've been hunting for agessss I suppose it's come to the crunch now we've actually found an affordable house that isn't going to best and final, it sounds like it's ours for asking price if we want it. Sorry if that wasn't clear in the post.
I'm having a crisis of decision now before we commit!
Obviously we talked it all through but making the final leap is another deal!

Do it do it do it! (I even found your other thread so I could post the same on there )

@AnotherEmma haha thanks the alarming cost of wrap around childcare has certainly helped to add to the pros!

I think there's just a fear of uprooting and moving, it's such a big deal. But I really don't feel we have any roots as such yet here. We probably would if the kids started school here.

I think we'll do it!

Our wraparound is £4.50 an hour so school cover 8-5.30pm term time if you're paying. The problem is inset days when there's no childcare at all and holiday clubs as round here they are cheap (£15 per day) but only run 9-4pm. I couldn't manage without my parents help for inset days/holidays.

I also ran into problems (as a PP said) with DS not being 5 until August when he first went to school meaning most holiday clubs wouldn't take him.

It's also the little things that school do that I can't randomly take time off for ie certain assemblies but my parents who are retired can do at short notice instead. I'd move nearer definitely. I've found it a lot harder after nursery.

Would cost me £50 a day for 2 kids. So approx £1k a month.

Hence why I don't work days. Would literally negate any income I made! My old job paid £1500 a month after tax etc. Seriously not going to work FT for £500 when I can work evenings part time for £1k.

School is harder, especially reception year as some holiday clubs won't take kids till they are year 1 which means you have to find a private nursery that does holiday care.

Here breakfast club starts at 8am and is £1 a day. After school club is 2 hrs and £10 a day, but reception class finished at 2.50pm so after school club finished at 4.50pm.

Holidays, there are 13 weeks. Even if you and your partner never took time off together you won't have 13 weeks leave so the choices are holiday club, family or unpaid parental leave which is up to 4 weeks per year, a total of 18 weeks before your child turns 18yo.

Holiday club for a full day 8am-6pm is anything from £25-45 a day.