Aupair for 16 month old triplets for 3/4 hours every week day?

[moonriver49324]

Before she sadly passed, my MIL would watch the LOs for 3/4 hours every weekday (between nap time and dinner), I used this time to catch up on sleep and work on my writing (freelance journalism). My husband and I would share the night shift and then I would be up with them from around 6 am until 2 pm when my MIL would arrive.

I’ve been struggling to cope without those 3/4 free hours on weekdays and I fear I may completely break down soon. I desperately need help but I can’t afford a nanny or formal childcare for three children. We have a granny annex attached and so I looked into au pairing (I did it myself for a few months when I was 18) but I saw that it is not advisable for pre-school age children.

Does it make any difference that I would only need the au pair for 3/4 hours on weekdays, and that I would always be in the house with her?

I’m getting pretty desperate for help as I have no other options!

That's a lot of work and responsibility for someone is just a babysitter. I was an au pair and no way could I have coped with three 16-month-olds at once, with sole charge.

That's not a job for an aupair. It was a pretty big responsibility for your MIL.

Do you live near a college where childcare students would be looking for experience?

Definitely ask the local college. I had a student with me as a placement. Social services also gave me a few nursery sessions a week. This was over 20 years ago though!

I live near a College and University and on the au pair websites I did see a few advertisements from au pairs looking for host families and on their profiles, they said they'd be willing to look after children aged 0-8.

Could be a kind of mother's help type role. What about a retired older lady / substitute granny; preferably someone who has had their own kids and still likes children

This is way too much for an au pair. You need a nanny. It would be exploitative.

The au pair scheme fits a very specific legal position - the financial contribution is seen as pocket money, paying any more than the scheme recommended amounts means the host and/or au pair may have to pay TAX and NI.

The scheme is meant to be a cultural and language exchange arrangement with light duties as part of the swap - it should never replace a child care need that is in excess of a that description.

Definitely too much for an Aupair!

Could you afford a nursery for just a few sessions a week? Even if it isn’t everyday I imagine any free hours would be better than non

It depends if you want her to help you, or if you want to go off and work uninterrupted. Also, if the babies are likely to be napping or all on the go and needing feeding.

It would absolutely make sense to get an au pair to help you, but not instead of you in sole charge.

No, that’s too much for an au pair. You yourself are saying it’s exhausting looking after them - now imagine it for a young girl with little or no childcare experience and who doesn’t know your three, what works with them, how they communicate etc.

Yes you’d be in the house but you’d be sleeping or working. If you were going to be awake and looking after the DC but just wanted an extra pair of hands to help lighten the load, that would be different, but what you’re describing is effectively sole charge.

Is there anyone round you who has a full time nanny but their kids are in nursery or school? They might be up for a nanny share where their nanny helps you whilst those kids are out of the house? Alternatively maybe a nursery school staff member who only works mornings?

Could you rent out the annex and use the income to pay for childcare?

Does HomeStart operate in your area? Worth a try, my friend volunteers and I’m not sure they’d come every day but worth an enquiry.

Sounds very tough. However, you can't expect an unqualified teenager to look after three young toddlers! Look into the possibility of a childminder, as this would probably be cheaper than either a nanny or nursery.

HomeStart also a good idea, as pp suggested.

Is there anyone round you who has a full time nanny but their kids are in nursery or school? They might be up for a nanny share where their nanny helps you whilst those kids are out of the house? Alternatively maybe a nursery school staff member who only works mornings?

This is a great idea - as a nanny, I've had jobs where I've had children at full time school and not much to do during the day. I would have bitten your arm off to get some multiples experience!

Definitely too much for an au pair. 3 16 month olds would be a lot for anyone, I’m not surprised you are exhausted and desperate for help, but I think you need proper professional childcare childminder, nursery or nanny) if you need a complete break, or if you are happy to be there and want extra support alongside you, a mothers help or au pair or childcare student.

I think potential au pairs saying they will look after 0-8 year old is far different from the reality of an au pair actually looking after, caring for and coping with 3 toddlers.

You need someone with experience of children for that role. Au pairs are not suitable childcare for babies, let alone triplets! Maybe someone doing a childcare course looking for paid work experience? You would need to be at home though, that is way too much responsibility for any young worker.

I would look for a student nanny.

Or how about renting out the annex to help cover the costs of paid help every afternoon?

I was a mothers help in my early twenties and nearly had a toddler in my care fatally choke from eating an olive (supplied by the mother). As a much older woman I am horrified at my lack of knowledge of looking after small children and also horrified at how much responsibility I was given for two small children all day long.

So PLEASE make sure you hire someone who is experienced and understands safe guarding. Ideally with a first aid certificate. I could see things spiralling very easily with three small children and one inexperienced care giver.

Home Start saved my life when pregnant with SPD, and caring for a disabled 5 year old, and husband was sent away for a month for work

www.home-start.org.uk/

If the Granny annexe is truly self contained - i.e own kitchen and bathroom, how much would you get renting it out? You'd need to pay income tax on the rent. If it is not self contained, you could rent it out tax free up to £7500 per year. Apply the rent to hiring a registered carer. i.e. a registered nanny/childminder or one employed by a registered agency. If you do that, you'll get some help from government - 20 % of the cost provided you earn an amount equal to National Minimum wage for 16 hours per week.

Look at changing your schedule so that you work and have some downtime at weekends. Resign yourself to looking after triplets full time,weekdays. Work at weekends. Employ au pair for 30 hours per week,strictly as a mother's help and not to care for them on her own. It really does help a lot having another person around to help toddler wrangling when you go out or want to have a bath. Even better if you can accommodate au pair in main house and rent out the granny annexe.

Triplets would be great experience for someone who wants to get Into childcare and /or a nanny who has school age children

def contact the college and enquire

if you are struggling by yourself then think how a teenager who prob no experience would struggle

as others said if you were about then an Extra pair off hands would be great via an au pair

but not if you are sleeping /Working and she’s on her own

yes a mothers help /granny would cost but worth it for your sanity and mental well being

To illustrate this a bit more, registered childminders are only permitted to care for 3 preschool age children (under the age of 5) at the same time, of which only one can be under 12 months. So that may be a small baby, a toddler and a 4 year old. Having three all at the younger end of the scale at once is a reasonable challenge. And that's for a professional childminder! So 3-4 hours of sole care, if you're working so not available for things like helping with nappy changing or sorting out snacks etc just there for an emergency, is a pretty full on job you're looking for someone to do. It's not a mother's help kind of a thing, where you want someone to give you a hand with your day-to-day chores and childcare.

There are very few au pairs anyway OP. You'd be very, very unlikely for one of the few au pairs who are able and willing to come to the UK to want to look after 3 16 month olds, even if it is for only 4 hours a day!

You need to fork out for an afternoon session at a nursery or a nanny.

I@ItsDinah did. Rent out the annex and use the money for someone.
It sounds so, so tough. You have nothing but my admiration and sympathy.

Do look at the local colleges to see if they have childcare courses - they might be able to offer some students on placements - but beware, they will also be unqualified and relatively inexperienced. I did this when my youngest was under one and it was not straightforward. The student came on her schedule, not mine, didn't always come when she was supposed to, there were other issues which I don't remember and the college didn't really seem to understand that I needed some level of commitment to the placement from the student and the college.

Rent out the annexe.
Nursery each afternoon.