Ex won't help have kids while I work

[Jodiebrighton]

I'm an office and working from home administrator with 2 young children. My ex and father of our children is getting a job on the plans as cabin crew. His rota will change monthly and he will be doing long haul flights ranging from 3 -5 days away, 5-6 times a month. We have 50/50 joint custody. He has said I will need to have the kids while he works away and when he comes back, he will have them. I won't get a choice of days and only be told what days I will have the kids around the 25th of each month for the coming month. Am I expected to agree to this and change my days with the kids every month while he works his dream job. The kids have to move between my home and his every 3-5 days and this will change every single month. There seems to be no compromise from his side and I have to live my life around his rota on a month by month basis. I feel like I'm doing all the compromise and if we were together or not, nothing would change for him in this new job. Doesn't seem fair my life revolves around his job rota and he sacrifices nothing. Am I able to ask for half the month fixed days and the other half from around days he needs covering from his rota? I feel like he shouldn't of taken the job he he can't supply child care without it controlling my life also.

I think you need a free half hour with a different solicitor. Once you set a precedent you're going to find it so difficult to get out of it. It's not a safeguarding issue to say you're not losing your job to accommodate your ex's job.

If parents don't have childcare, they can't go to work. It's not a child protection issue. Your ex is a parent. In order to work, he needs childcare (either you or someone else).

There isn't really any reason why you have to put yourself out to be reliable childcare for him, while he's not prepared to do the same for you. You don't really need to work around his shifts - he may end up getting into trouble at work or losing his job but there's no reason why you need to jump when he says 'jump'. He's not your employer and you're not his nanny.

If he wants you to be there as a reliable source of childcare for him, then he needs to have a sensible discussion with you about contact and maintenance arrangements which work for both of you. Otherwise, I'd be sending him MY work schedule and letting him know that I wouldn't be showing up to take over if it didn't fit with my schedule, even if it meant he was late or missed a flight. You're not the one-stop solution to his childcare issues.

His first flying rota in for May. Each number is how many nights with each parent before the kids move to the next house
2 me
4 him
4 me
2 Him
3 me
3 him
3 me
3 him
4 me
2 him
2-3 Me

I can't see how this is right for the kids. He fully expects us to follow his rota and above is what they will be like. I will have them 17 days to his 14. This doesn't include delays which always happen on the plans. The kids move 11 times in 30 days.

how are you supposed to secure child care for your days with this kind of arrangement?

I really think you need to talk to a different solicitor.

For my weekdays I have the kids I will use breakfast clubs and after school clubs to work around my full time job. His days with the kids are his days off. He says the days he works away flying are my days with the kids. Regardless if I'm working.

Just thought I would update here with what these rotes are like. 2 flights return on a weekend day and he usually sleeps for 5 hours when he gets in as he works through the night on the way back. He counts these days as his even though he will be sleeping to around 2pm. I will have the kids until he wakes up apparently.

My ex and I had this type of arrangement (I was the one doing overnight shift work) but we spoke about it at length before hand. We.were 50:50 and my rota was monthly. He was kind enough to have DC on the evenings / nights I was working - this also meant he didn't pay maintenance.

I sorted all childcare for after school and we paid half each.

It can be done but not when one person is forcing it on another.

Yeah it's the fact it's being forced on me and the kids, they took this job after we broke up and it's not like it's some over night shifts. 2 of his flights he is away for 4 days straight.

He finally agreed to mediation so hopefully that helps. He has that next week.

It will be easier when you're not living together. He won't be able to make this arrangement work without your cooperation. Put forward your own suggested rota and make it clear you're not facilitating him anymore and won't necessarily be available for him to drop the kids off to.

And go out on his days! Don't let him sleep until 2pm - leave him to look after the kids. Or charge him for the childcare.