Why do people complain about childcare costs?

[Teawithsugar40]

I’m a working mother and 65% (was previously near 100%) of my salary goes on childcare, we get by but holidays etc are out of the question. We’re not rich and have small children, it’s just how it is. I don’t resent what we pay and feel quite lucky that we’re a few hundred better off than if I was doing the equally important job of caring for my children full time.
Maybe because when I had my first child there was absolutely no childcare help and scant provision but I really don’t understand so many people these days complaining about childcare costs, especially when it still leaves them better off working? Totally understand single parents needing help and thankfully they have had generous help for years but why are couples who are definitely not on the breadline complaining? Did they seriously think they could have children without making any sacrifices and why do they expect people often worse off them themselves to pay for maintaining their previous lifestyle?

I don’t think childcare is too expensive - I think nurseries and childminders do an amazing thing and don’t get the money they deserve.
What I do think is that the government should do more to subsidise the cost so that it pays for parents to work.
The 30 hours thing just isn’t enough. DS2 has just started getting his and it only reduced our £1k bill but around £300.
But that’s not the nurseries fault, they just don’t get enough back to be able to truly offer 30 free hours.

Why are you assuming there’s always a choice about small age gaps? I had miscarriages for years and years until the problem was identified and I was 39 before I had a successful pregnancy. If I want a second I don’t really have the luxury of waiting around for a few years. Of course I could choose not to have a second child, which I would be pretty sad about, otherwise I have to suck it up that I’m paying to work.

I think it’s deliberately obtuse to say ‘childcare costs should be shared then no one earns nothing’ - most families I know have completely shared finances, that still means the equivalent of more than one parent’s salary goes on childcare. Complain away!

I think a lot of people are unaware of the cost of childcare until it becomes relevant to them. I had to turn down a lot of invitations from (child free) friends for coffee or suggestions about how I could improve my home/buy new clothes etc because I had a £12500 annual bill that I hadn't previously had. I moved house 1 year before having DD. When she was 6 months old DH was made redundant. When he finally got a new job it was on a significantly lower salary so that £12.5k made our lives a struggle but we paid it as I knew things would get better after a few years.

Yes can totally understand that if the woman is a single parent but I’m talking about couples. If their childcare costs are less than either of their salaries how can this be the case, is clearly not the childcare costs preventing the woman from working.

I do agree their are lots of things that contribute to gender inequality, inflexible working practices, lack of opportunities for women who have taken career breaks, women often being left to take on the majority of mental load and housework etc but disagree that childcare costs is as a big an issue as is made out to be as very few women are actually financially worse off working

Four days a week at nursery costs us £1460 a month (London). I'm sorry but that is utterly ridiculous; it's more than double my mortgage.

Maybe because people know in plenty of other European countries childcare is free or extremely low-cost, thanks to government subsidies

No reason you couldn't do the same in the UK except that our governments choose not to

I don't think it's fair to compare everyone to your own circumstances.

I complain about childcare costs because it's bloody expensive regardless of the sacrifices we make.

Not sure what world you live in but my friends with babies and juggling everything the best they can't aren't worried about holidays but worried about the costs of day to day living!

Of that £1460, I'm very lucky my ex pays half on top of £500 maintenance for our son. Most men wouldn't and I would struggle on my own.

We both work full time, ds1 goes to an after school childminder, Ds2 in full time nursery. The bills are £200 and £1100 per month.
Our mortgage is £700 a month.
I’m aware of the cost, and broken down by the hour it’s not that expensive, but by god yes I complain when the bill comes in each moment and over half of our joint net income goes straight out onto housing and childcare costs.

I do wonder what people think the cost should be? What is an appropriate amount for a qualified person, in a suitable premises to look after a safe ratio of children.

I think it needs to be state subsidised to a much greater extent.

@Onionpatch for em it’s not that it’s too expensive per se, but in the same way I’ll complain about increasing energy bills, it’s a cost I’d rather not have to pay 🤷🏻‍♀️ I completely understand what it’s for and why, it doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.

@Cornishmumofone
Can imagine would come as a shock if didn’t realise or unplanned baby but then equally surprised people think such an important job would cost any less or didn’t think to check out such costs if they were planning to return to work. Who did they think was going to care for their children. Suppose it sadly reflects the low value and appreciation of the hard work involved in the daily care of young children
Again I’m absolutely not talking about couples on the breadline but professional couples who just seem miffed at having to pay anything significant at all for this huge task their asking someone else to undertake for them

It's difficult isn't it - childcare is expensive and the quality varies hugely and can make having children (and more than one) too expensive. But what is a reasonable amount that should be charged? My twins childminder is £35 per day per child - from 8-5 - significantly less than the minimum wage per hour

I think it's when you compare to some European countries where it's a capped cost probably less than 1/3 that we pay here it's hard not to feel taken the piss out of as a working parent

There was a time when my nursery bill (£2400) exceeded my take home pay.

It was important to me to continue working and I had a supportive DH but it was a struggle, both living on one income and the psychological impact of paying to work by the time my travel card and other work related expenses were taken into consideration.

So my husband and I planned for our first pregnancy, we were fully aware of the costs and could just about manage to pay for these without a massive impact on our daily lives. We then went for our first scan and found out we are having twins. This has been a huge shock and obviously makes a massive difference financially.
We live in the North so it is comparatively cheaper than more affluent areas of the country.
Unfortunately it is still the best part of £2000 a month for 3 days childcare. This is approximately £300 more than my take home pay at the end of the month.
We are now having to have discussions about whether it makes financial sense for us both to return to work or see whether one of us will have to stay at home until the subsidised childcare kicks in at age 3/4.
Its unfair to assume that every single person should look into childcare prior to getting pregnant or making the decision to try have children.
It's very surprising how much it costs whether you find out once babies are here or before you have them. If everyone looked it up I can imagine there would be less children planned.

It's because costs ha e risen but wages haven't. I had a choice to continue working for £0, after childcare costs, or leave work and claim child tax credits! So I left, and claim it. It shouldn't be that way at all. There should be cheaper childcare for those on minimum wages.

OP you seem to think people think childcare providers should be paid less. I don't know anyone who thinks that. They do an incredible job for relatively little pay.

What people usually think is that the government should subsidise it more, like they do in other wealthy European countries.

No substantive life choice is a permanent bed of roses, and people are allowed to have a moan about the downsides. Do you never complain about your job, or commute or partner? These are all choices people make that might have downsides. Just because you can (just about) afford something doesn't mean you can't feel a little resentful about the bills at times. Perhaps your friends might choose a more sympathetic ear next time.

[quote QforCucumber]@Onionpatch for em it’s not that it’s too expensive per se, but in the same way I’ll complain about increasing energy bills, it’s a cost I’d rather not have to pay 🤷🏻‍♀️ I completely understand what it’s for and why, it doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.[/quote]
Can understand it’s a big bill and we joke about the things we could afford if didn’t have children (but totally grateful that we do have children) We don’t however tie this to the childcare costs though as I wouldn’t be earning anything if nurseries/childminders didn’t exist

This is not meant to be smug at all, just so that people can compare. I live near Madrid, and pay 460€ a month for 9h/day private nursery. Includes nappies, lunch, everything. Minus a 100€ subsidy that is technically means-tested but in reality everyone gets it. We don't need the subsidy, but as I've said, we're not depriving anyone else of it by claiming. I would love to not need to send my 7mo to nursery, but I don't have a choice. So the system here makes it (relatively) easy. I don't know what we'd have done if childcare had swallowed up a whole wage. I couldn't see DH going part time or giving up work, despite being the lower earner.

I live in Berlin and childcare here is free and funded by the government apart from a little for food and extra activities. I assume because they realise how good it is for women to go back to work and pay into the economy.

I mean when we lived in Germany we paid 50 euros a month for full-time nursery. That was to cover lunches mostly.

What a strange post. People complain as it costs an absolute fortune. I’ve got three kids and they all are / were nursery for 4 days a week since they were about 1. I think when the first kid started nursery I used to pay £38 a day but over the years / children it is now £55 a day. It’s crazy money ! The childcare monthly costs are more than my mortgage. I’ve paid tens of thousands on childcare over the years. I was a single mother for many years too.

I disagree that “very few women are worse off working” given childcare costs.
A child full time in nursery at £55 a day is £14k per year. If you have more than one kid the costs are extortionate. And that’s not even London.

Op perhaps you could start some other helpful threads...

Why do parents moan that they're tired when they have kids, we all know children wake in the night

Why do people complain about the cost of private rent, we shouldn't expect landlords to subsidise your choice to not have a mortgage

Why do people complain when anything in their life is less than 100% perfect, we all know you can't always be happy all the time!