Nanny is never home

[Strawberryjam45]

We have a nanny for our 17 month old DS. Nanny is great with DS, very loving , tidy, pro-active and generally nice to have around. The only thing is she's not around much. Her and DS shoot out the house after an hour of her arriving and then are back for lunch and nap time. They will then shoot out again and are back for bath and dinner. I'm WFH but stay in the upstairs office and out of their ways. Nanny tells me at the end of the day where they have been and it's usually the park or classes but sometimes it does seem they're just wondering aimlessly around the shops. It's not that they go out a lot that I have an issue with more that it seems to be the aim of their day, to find something to do just to get out every day. It seems a lot to me when they're out for 4-6 hours of the day which is quite usual.

Nanny also sometimes books classes near her home (20min drive). I have spoken to her about this before and understand that she's a single mum with a teen and that occasionally she'll want her teen to join her and DS. Happy for her to do this once every 2 weeks but it seems to me that it's more 1-2 a week. Advice please. I know some of you'll say she's keen to get out because I'm there but I'm really quite invisible. If I had to guess why she's out so often with DS it's because I think she finds being "just" at home with him boring.

[Droite]

I don't understand all these posts proclaiming that it's fine for the kid to be out for hours on end every single day. Isn't it somewhat limiting just sitting in a pushchair for ages, or maybe occasionally playing at the park? What happened to thinks like imaginary play, construction toys, drawing and painting, being read to, etc?

I suspect the reality is that OP's child is being taken back to the nanny's place and plonked in front of the TV while she does her own stuff.

[LittleGwyneth]

Having been a nanny I can comprehensively say, looking after children when their parent is home is hard. Really, really hard. I would avoid it however possible.

If you're worried about it, talk to her. It's not impossible she's taking your DC home to her house, and if so that's obviously not okay, but it might well be that she finds it easier to be in charge when she's not in your house with you upstairs.

[Abouttimemum]

I have a DS aged 2.5 and ever since I can remember I’m out with him almost all day aside from coming home for lunch and naptime. We have the occasional morning once or twice a week where we have a chill morning. And he’s at nursery for 3 days. Otherwise we’re out. I thought that was quite normal!!

[AndytheUnicorn]

Your waayy over thinking this. He’s going to parks, classes, museums and shops and keeping him in a routine (home for lunch and naps). Far better for a child to be out than at home all the time.
Also I’ve nannied in the past with parents working from home and it’s much, much better to be out and about. Makes for a much more enjoyable day for the nanny and children. If your son is happy, she’s attentive to him then I would stop bothering, it’s a non-issue.

[astoundedgoat]

I let a long time nanny go because of this. ALL THEY DID was walk around the shops, and gradually all of her grown up daughters started joining her. When the grown up daughters BOYFRIENDS started trailing around after them too I gave her one warning, which she ignored, and let her go.

[Hardbackwriter]

Nanny also sometimes books classes near her home (20min drive). I have spoken to her about this before and understand that she's a single mum with a teen and that occasionally she'll want her teen to join her and DS.

Did she volunteer that she was booking classes near her home and why, or did you have to ask? For me that would make quite a big difference to how suspicious I'd be about what else she's doing to make her life easier.

[sociallydistained]

As a nanny, it is probably because you are at home. It doesn’t matter how nice our employers are or how easy and chilled they are it’s a conversation I have with lots of nannies who all feel the same. They’d rather be out of the house if bosses are at home. Theres this unspoken pressure of being in the house with your boss and trying to entertain the child where you just can’t relax!

[TheWayTheLightFalls]

This sounds like my time with DD under 3 - we’d play/read at home after breakfast for a bit but out each day at 10.30 and either lunch out or back just in time to eat, nap, then out (usually to Sainsbury’s, esp in winter! Garden in summer.) in the afternoon. I feel less obliged now, because I’m enormously pregnant and I can occupy her with reading/crafts/colouring.

But for younger kids this sounds fine. And they really learn loads, even in the supermarket - you chat to them, show them different things, talk about ingredients etc. All good.

[TatianaBis]

Our nannies managed just fine, so did those my siblings and I had as kids.

They may not have liked it but they were good at it.

[Goldbar]

There is a relative value to activities.

Swimming great, music or gym class great, playgroup good to work off energy and for socialisation. Nanny meeting friends to take children for a walk or to the playground, great.

Supermarket meh... Good for babies. "Look, that's a tomato". "Look, that's a watermelon". Not so good for an active 17 month old who has to stay strapped in the buggy. Also, most parents have to take their kids shopping at the weekend and the supermarket isn't something a small child needs to experience multiple days per week .

Cafes/coffee shops. I'm afraid I don't buy into the "It's good for them to learn to behave in places like this" argument for children under 2.5. It's essentially containing the kids in high chairs/buggies while the adults enjoy a coffee. Why would I pay someone to do this when I can do it with my own DC at the weekend? I wouldn't mind it as an occasional event but multiple times per week, no.

Clothes shopping/shopping centres... can't see the value myself. Not where I'd like my DC to spend their time hanging out given the range of other activities they could be doing.

And actually there is a lot of value in terms of development of gross and fine motor skills in doing the playdoh, messy play and painting at home.

A nanny is not equivalent to a SAHM. They are a professional being paid to do a job. Fine to do occasional errands in work hours (most of us do), but the focus should be on the child.

[Kanaloa]

I would be happy with booking toddler classes and activities but not the other stuff. Basically she’s being paid to strap your child in a pram and go shopping with her teenager.

Every once in a while I would tolerate but twice a week of wandering round shopping centres for hours at a time, no, I wouldn’t be happy with this. Why would you need a professional nanny for that? You could pay any teenager minimum wage to walk your child round Trafford Centre in a buggy.

[mumwon]

I think a lot of young dc have missed out by NOT going out. If she talks to dc while she is out & about - things like "look there is a red post box, can you see the dog/cat/bus/black car/ et al" than eve a visit to shops is a learning experience. if your dc was at a cm they would be engaging with their dc. Our minded dc loved; playing football/cricket with my son, sledging with my daughter & her friend (they were in 6th form at that stage & we got permission from parents & dd & friend had both done first aid - I made sure each of mine did this at 14!) going to park (extra pair of hands & eyes) & many other things. I bet the teenage engages with your dc as well.

[Theredjellybean]

I wouldn't be happy with this.
If you want or happy to have your child out all day then send them to nursery.
Having a nanny is about your child having a home based /sahp experience.
They can be in their own home... Playing, learning, etc.
I always told our nannies that I'd like one structured activity out a day, but home for nap and lunch, then afternoon was to be activities where it was nanny and my child.
So playgroup or meeting nanny friends or similar class in the morning then afternoon nanny and my dd do stuff just the two of them, preferably at home... Playdoh, baking, playing with dds toys etc.
Odd short errands fine... But not routinely for an hour doing the nannies own stuff, I didn't pay them to spend time on their own life admin

[Kanaloa]

As a nanny I used to do the same we were usually ready and out the door at 9am 20 minute stroll into town, grab a coffee/playpark then a group at 10. Would often have lunch with nanny pals as we would bring lunches then home for a nap. Then wale a snack then local country walk with friends til tea. However I worked 630am til 6 and would have my duties done by 9 and over lunch nap.

So - not the same then. You were taking your charges to the play park then on a country walk with other nannies and presumably their charges. This lady is taking him ‘shopping’ with her teenage daughter. It’s two different things.

[elbea]

I’d be concerned that the baby was out all day, especially if he’s strapped into a pram/car seat lots. There is a really interesting study that looks at child outcomes and parents that go out lots with their children have worse gross motor skills than children at nursery, specifically because they are in the pram lots. Children at nursery are exploring.

[meloonhead]

I doubt he's strapped to a pram all day. An active 17mo wouldn't have it. She must be letting him run about at some point, for her own sanity if nothing else

It's not enjoyable to keep a thrashing, shouting toddler in a pushchair, so I doubt she'd even take him out of it was like that.

[Iguessyourestuckwithme]

@Kanaloa

As a nanny I used to do the same we were usually ready and out the door at 9am 20 minute stroll into town, grab a coffee/playpark then a group at 10. Would often have lunch with nanny pals as we would bring lunches then home for a nap. Then wale a snack then local country walk with friends til tea. However I worked 630am til 6 and would have my duties done by 9 and over lunch nap.

So - not the same then. You were taking your charges to the play park then on a country walk with other nannies and presumably their charges. This lady is taking him ‘shopping’ with her teenage daughter. It’s two different things.

I meant in terms of is it normal for a nanny to be out all day and most my nanny friends also do the same.

[Blossomtoes]

@whatswithtodaytoday

Being at home with a young child is boring.

So true. It’s good for both of them to go out. If my child was happy, that would be enough for me.

[WimpoleHat]

Being at home with a young child is boring.

Totally agree. But anyone who feels that way really shouldn’t consider taking a job as a nanny, surely?

[GameSetMatch]

I’m out with my own children at least 4-6 hours a day too, it’s nice she’s taking your DS out and not just keeping him at home. She brings him hone for lunch and naps I don’t know what the big deal is. Is your child happy?

[LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee]

Err no, a nanny is not supposed to run her errands while working. Childminder yes, nanny no.

Going to the Post Office or buy the occasional item is of course fine, but not every day! And I would have been very unhappy to know my nanny was spending the afternoon in a shopping center with the DC in the buggy.
I would expect some time at home to do arts and crafts, reading, dancing etc.
Outings can be parks, playgrounds, museums, playgroups/classes, playdates, shows… and yes shops like going to the Post Office to send a letter to Santa, or going to the supermarket for ingredients for tonight’s dinner.

[WaterAndRichTea]

When i was a nanny, i was out all day with them

We would go to playgroups, library, classes, playdates and also things like Legoland, chessington, Brighton Beach, London Zoo

Why do you want her home all the time

Being inside with a toddler is very boring

[Iguessyourestuckwithme]

And whilst people have said its boring at home with children

As an early years practitioner/nanny I am more than happy to spend a whole day at home with children. From painting, sensory play, building, reading etc and letting them play independently while I do jobs. I just believe that children learn best with a mix of groups/nanny playmates/trips out alongside the baking/playing at home.

[ItWasAgathaAllAlong]

or prioritizing just getting out of the house to go to the shops or run personal errands (chemist/post office)

But isn't this what parents who aren't working while they bring up their DC do anyway? Just normal stuff day-to-day? And isn't the nanny employed to kind of 'take your place' for the hours you're working? So the nanny is doing the kind of things I used to do with my DSs when they were small and I was home with them, and the things I did when I looked after my DB/SIL's baby for a couple of days twice a week so they could go back to work on the days I was free.

Childcare is soooo boring so much of the time, even when it's your own or family. Staying in for large portions of every day is hellish (IMHO!). Surely a paid nanny is just taking your place as parent for set hours of the day to make sure you can work while your child is safe, warm, fed, changed etc.. As long as you DC has those things does it really matter what the nanny does around that, or where she does those things? I'd be thrilled if someone had done that for me!

You seem to be complaining about what others would consider 'bite your hand off' childcare, OP!

But if you're really not satisfied then you'll have to tell the nanny what you want.

[NannyR]

Childcare is soooo boring so much of the time

I disagree, as a nanny I love spending time with babies and toddlers, that's why I chose the job. If a nanny is walking around shopping centres because she's bored of looking after the children she's paid to look after then she's in the wrong job.