Nanny is never home

[Strawberryjam45]

We have a nanny for our 17 month old DS. Nanny is great with DS, very loving , tidy, pro-active and generally nice to have around. The only thing is she's not around much. Her and DS shoot out the house after an hour of her arriving and then are back for lunch and nap time. They will then shoot out again and are back for bath and dinner. I'm WFH but stay in the upstairs office and out of their ways. Nanny tells me at the end of the day where they have been and it's usually the park or classes but sometimes it does seem they're just wondering aimlessly around the shops. It's not that they go out a lot that I have an issue with more that it seems to be the aim of their day, to find something to do just to get out every day. It seems a lot to me when they're out for 4-6 hours of the day which is quite usual.

Nanny also sometimes books classes near her home (20min drive). I have spoken to her about this before and understand that she's a single mum with a teen and that occasionally she'll want her teen to join her and DS. Happy for her to do this once every 2 weeks but it seems to me that it's more 1-2 a week. Advice please. I know some of you'll say she's keen to get out because I'm there but I'm really quite invisible. If I had to guess why she's out so often with DS it's because I think she finds being "just" at home with him boring.

[pollypokcet]

Sorry but what's the problem? Parents don't even start at home allll day with their kids it's fucking boring, for both child and adult. Let them enjoy the scenery and get out

[NoYOUbekind]

I think with a high energy toddler and both parents in the house, it is very clear that she's fallen into a routine of being out as much as possible. I would imagine with all her previous employers that she had the house to herself. She may feel a bit scrutiny, she may be worried about disturbing you, she may be aware that DS would run up to you if he knew you were at home.

OTOH she may just be like my SIL who can't sit down for five minutes and is always out and about with her DCs. Different strokes for different folks.

However, you are the employer. You can tell her that you'd like DS to spend, say, two afternoons a week at home. You don't have to give a reason for this - you're in charge - but you could say 'now DH has gone back to work noise isn't as much of an issue and I think it would be good for DS to relax at home on a Monday and Wednesday afternoon' though don't come crying to me if you can't get any work done because of noise

[MobyDicksTinyCanoe]

I was never in when my dc were small. We were always at classes or the park, or just walking. She sounds pretty fab tbh.

[SeaShoreGalore]

Nobody likes their boss looking over their shoulder.

[SaltySheepdog]

She sounds brilliant, active, engaged, providing regular naps and a normal everyday life experience.

[Viviennemary]

I bet she is visiting somebody or taking your DC back to her house. It must be difficult for a nanny when you are wfh. Not surprised she wants to be out of your house most of the time. Its far from ideal.

[SaltySheepdog]

He’s socialising, understanding the world around him, not stuck inside, exploring, learning,

[gg96cgp]

I would reassure the nanny that some noise at home is perfectly fine. I would want to see a balance between out at classes/exploring versus buggy time. Being pushed around all afternoon in a buggy is very different from perhaps meeting other nannies at the park and having a good run around. Can you ask her to be clearer what she's doing so you can get comfort on the activities?

[SaltySheepdog]

I was always out and about when my little ones were little

[oakleaffy]

I cared for twins in the holidays who were 2 yrs old One morning a week and always took them out.
Their mum was fine with this though.
They were much happier being out and about than being indoors.

[User5827372728]

I’m the same with my youngest on my none working days! We get up go out, come home lunch nap and out again! Makes the day go much faster and after covid i am happy not being home!

[Goldbar]

Like pp above said, it depends if he's spending large chunks of the day strapped in the buggy. I would not have been happy with my DC being strapped in a buggy or car-seat for hours every day. They need to be out moving around and engaged in active play, otherwise it's not good for development.

[RichTeaCheddars]

Agree with other PP, it's hard to be at home all day with a young toddler/baby. Getting out and about makes the day so much better for everyone.

Also, my OH works from home and our 15 month old obviously knows this and that he's sitting upstairs. She is constantly asking to go up to him. The only way to stay sane is to go out for large chunks of the day.

[Auroreforet]

Is the nanny doing messy play, imaginative play, story times etc in the week?
If so then I wouldn’t worry.

[Briony123]

@Strawberryjam45

So her teen is a girl. And it's just if they go shopping/a museum/park, sometimes the teen will join too. I understand that she would go along with her mum to her previous nanny jobs so I think she's very comfortable with babies.

This would be lovely for your child! Sounds perfect :)

[KingdomScrolls]

I asked DS which park he would like to go to last week (we have several nice ones locally), he said Sainsbury's. If your son is happy and they're doing lots, don't worry about it. There will be plenty of cold rainy days to come where it'll be harder to get out, in sure she's just making the most of it

[Ozanj]

@Strawberryjam45

These comments are really useful-thanks. I guess I'm comparing it to if I was at home. I might pop out once during the day with DS and that's it. To me, it seems they'll pop into a supermarket or the shops most days (admittedly we have a big shopping Centre near us). I guess my concern is whether she's prioritizing DS or prioritizing just getting out of the house to go to the shops or run personal errands (chemist/post office). DS loves her and seems very happy tbf so maybe I'm worrying about nothing.

I think you’re worrying about nothing. Kids learn loads just through watching adults do normal stuff. If he looks forward to seeing her and there aren’t any other issues I’d keep it going.

[Couchbettato]

@Caramellatteplease

With a nanny I would be expecting all activities to be child centric. I wouldn't expect shopping was on that list unless she had specific resources turning it into an active learning experience or you had asked them to.

But my son would have thrived from being able to go to the shops often, and learning what things are and who people are and what they do.

Unfortunately we didn't get out much because of lockdown and now he's only just picking this sort of stuff up.

It doesn't matter if it's not simple, covered in colours and has ABC on the side of it, it's stimulation and the more of the world kids see when they're young the better it is for their development.

[MrsPelligrinoPetrichor]

Sounds completely normal.

It's also difficult when a parent works from home, really upsets the dynamics so it's good to get out.

[WimpoleHat]

I don’t know. It sounds a bit like this nanny is fitting DS into her life - running her errands, looking after her own DD etc. It sounds like the OP is a bit uncomfortable with this and would prefer that the nanny kept her job (looking after the OP’s DS) largely separate from her own life. And that’s fair enough. It’s one thing for the nanny to, say, pop into the post office on the way back from an activity - but another to take him back to her own house and spend the day with her own DD.

[MrsPelligrinoPetrichor]

When I had my own ds ,we were up and out every single day come rain or shine from 10am -2pm. Children need fresh air.

[FiddlefigOnTheRoof]

Yanbu.

I see lots of nannies out and about with the child strapped in for long periods of time. Going out doesn’t mean it’s a stimulating fun time for the child. Children need to toddle around and explore things themselves too.

I’d expect:

• go out for classes or to the park for max 2 hours at a time.
  
• occasional (1-3 times a week) pop into shop
  
• reading, talking and playing at home

[FirepitFrolics]

Sounds exactly what my childminder used to do with her mindees. I thought it was great as it mimicked what I would have been doing as a SAHM. A mix of chores and classes. DD had a great time.

I much preferred it to my previous childminder who appeared to stay in a lot.

As long as he is getting sufficient rest from all the stimulation I'd not have any worries.

I used to really like DC being part of their childminder's family.

[TableFlowerss]

@whatswithtodaytoday

Being at home with a young child is boring.

Exactly. Everyone is a winner if they’re out imo.

DS gets new experiences, fresh air, used to bring around people etc…

Nanny’s day will go faster

You don’t get interpreted.

No idea why her booking classes 20 min drive away is an issue…..

Being a nanny is a job and your hone is not her home so she won’t comfortable in it the way you do so I can understand her wanting to go out.

It’s like a 9-5 office job, the day can drag as it’s the same thing day in day out, where a job moving about I imagine day goes faster.

Think you need to chill.

[cravingmilkshake]

What's the issue? We have purposely chosen a childminder who is outdoors most of the day. Our 2 year old is knackered by bedtime and sleeps all night! She loves being out!