Nanny is never home

[Strawberryjam45]

We have a nanny for our 17 month old DS. Nanny is great with DS, very loving , tidy, pro-active and generally nice to have around. The only thing is she's not around much. Her and DS shoot out the house after an hour of her arriving and then are back for lunch and nap time. They will then shoot out again and are back for bath and dinner. I'm WFH but stay in the upstairs office and out of their ways. Nanny tells me at the end of the day where they have been and it's usually the park or classes but sometimes it does seem they're just wondering aimlessly around the shops. It's not that they go out a lot that I have an issue with more that it seems to be the aim of their day, to find something to do just to get out every day. It seems a lot to me when they're out for 4-6 hours of the day which is quite usual.

Nanny also sometimes books classes near her home (20min drive). I have spoken to her about this before and understand that she's a single mum with a teen and that occasionally she'll want her teen to join her and DS. Happy for her to do this once every 2 weeks but it seems to me that it's more 1-2 a week. Advice please. I know some of you'll say she's keen to get out because I'm there but I'm really quite invisible. If I had to guess why she's out so often with DS it's because I think she finds being "just" at home with him boring.

[squee123]

I have a similar age DC and we are both working from home. We are well away from the living areas, but DC seems to sense our presence and tends to be quite sad and ask for me a lot when I'm working upstairs.

If I'm out he is quite happy.

So our nanny spends most the day out and about with him, really only coming back for meals and naps. He's much happier and more settled that way.

Perhaps your nanny is finding similar?

[minipie]

I think it depends on how much of this out n about time is spent at classes, playgroups, running around in the park, playdates with other nannys’ charges (all good) and how much is spent strapped in the buggy while nanny does her errands or looks around the shops (ok occasionally but lots of this is not good).

I don’t agree with posters who say it’s ok for a nanny to run lots of errands because SAHMs do - a nanny is supposed to be more child focused than a SAHM, after all the working parent still has to do all their errands around work so they aren’t benefiting from getting these errands done the way a SAHM would. And also the posters saying childcare is boring - nannies are supposed to enjoy it! That’s why they chose the job…!

[crazyguineapiglady]

This sounds pretty normal to me, especially as you wfh.
There's pressure to keep quiet and out of your way.

Some people are just more "out and about" people than home bodies.

Maybe you could find a compromise with her - say that you are keen that your toddler does a few more table-top activities as he's getting older, and would she stay home from nap time to dinner time 2-3 days a week and plan some craft or messy play activities with him.
Make play dough, painting, baking, puzzles.

[bakingdemon]

We had a nanny quite like this. It was mostly great, but I do think there need to be some structured at home activities too. We noticed our DS wasn't very prepared for the kind of activities (painting, playing with play dough, circle time etc etc) that nursery does because our nanny hadn't done much if any of that. Maybe ask her what additional resources you could get in at home so that he can do some enriching activities there too. We have a big craft box full of paper, crayons, stickers, Pom poms etc etc.

[Goldbar]

Surely a paid nanny is just taking your place as parent for set hours of the day to make sure you can work while your child is safe, warm, fed, changed etc.. As long as you DC has those things does it really matter what the nanny does around that, or where she does those things? I'd be thrilled if someone had done that for me!

.

Really? Are we setting the bar that low? When I was wfh last year and the nurseries were shut so I was also looking after my DC, they were safe, warm, fed, changed...and in front of the cheapest nanny of all, the TV, for most of the day.

Nannies are responsible for planning activities which promote the physical, social, emotional and intellectual development of their charges. They're not there simply to 'warehouse' the children until their parents return from work.

And they should be doing a better job than a SAHP because they're being paid to focus primarily on caring for the child, not trying to balance that with chores and other responsibilities.

[crazyguineapiglady]

Nannies earn £30k-£60k so it's not just keeping kids warm and fed.

[notacooldad]

We noticed our DS wasn't very prepared for the kind of activities (painting, playing with play dough, circle time etc etc) that nursery does because our nanny hadn't done much if any of that

To be honest I thought that would have been a parenting role as well.
Wouldn't you have done those type of activities with your child to help, prepare them for nursery in your free time with them.

[LalalalalalaLand123]

I have no idea what the problem is here - they're at home an hour, go out, back home for lunch and nap, then go out, then are home for bath and dinner. So they go out twice a day, sounds totally reasonable. What would you want her to do if she hung around in the house all day?

[FiddlefigOnTheRoof]

So many actual nannies complaining it’s boring looking after a toddler at home - I saw these nannies day in and day out while I was a SAHM. No genuine interest in child development, just took them around.

Also, I would never let non DBS-checked random children or friends of my nanny help look after my child. If she’s bored with a child, she’s in the wrong job.

[FiddlefigOnTheRoof]

@LalalalalalaLand123

I have no idea what the problem is here - they're at home an hour, go out, back home for lunch and nap, then go out, then are home for bath and dinner. So they go out twice a day, sounds totally reasonable. What would you want her to do if she hung around in the house all day?

Finger painting, play dough, mark making, reading, duplo, hide and seek, baking, etc. You’d go mad doing it all day, but childcare professionals should be able to profitably kill half a day in the house.

[Hardbackwriter]

Surely a paid nanny is just taking your place as parent for set hours of the day to make sure you can work while your child is safe, warm, fed, changed etc.. As long as you DC has those things does it really matter what the nanny does around that, or where she does those things? I'd be thrilled if someone had done that for me!

You make it sound like the nanny is doing OP a favour. If it were a relative that OP had begged to look after the DC as a favour then mooching around the shops would be a reasonable way for them to spend the time. But it's normal and reasonable to expect more from a childcare professional you pay.

And, frankly, whether the nanny is bored shouldn't be the main determinant of how they spend their day. I sometimes find my job boring but if my solution to that was to go wander round the shops instead, doing the absolute bare minimum by occasionally checking my emails, then that wouldn't be good enough, and nor is a nanny doing what they fancy as long as the bare minimum of the child being safe is covered.

[Sashimiandhisthunderpaws]

Also as a lockdown baby, increased social interaction with a wider ranger of people will benefit your son. Slightly older but a 5 year old girl we know has developed anxiety with returning to school after lockdown.

[shesellsseacats]

As long as he's getting out of the pushchair, I think this sounds great.

Your DS will be getting loads of experiences of different environments and people. It will help him feel confident with new experiences and around people.

[LowlandLucky]

Your poor child must be so bloody tired being dragged from one activity to another. When does he get to just "be" ? He will never be able to entertain himself if he doesn't get to just explore his own surroundings.

[LittleMysSister]

Quite surprised at a lot of these comments.

Obviously it's different what you might do with your own child compared to what you might expect from a paid professional nanny?

That said, I don't think there's anything wrong with being out all day per se. It just depends what they're doing and it sounds like this nanny is doing decent things with OP's DS.

[drspouse]

When women in prison have babies they live in a really lovely unit with lots of baby friendly decor, gardens, and activities but a social worker takes the babies out to e.g. the supermarket, on the bus, and the train station regularly because being indoors/in a quiet place all the time means that children get scared in crowds, noisy places etc. When Mum gets out these children need to be able to cope in the wide world.

I thought of this during lockdown and wondered how babies born in spring 2020 would get on when the world opened up again.

Obviously your home is not a prison but both from the POV of learning about the world but also learning what busy spaces are like this will help your toddler no end.

[Goldbar]

To be honest I thought that would have been a parenting role as well.
Wouldn't you have done those type of activities with your child to help, prepare them for nursery in your free time with them.

Well, yes, but if I'm working 5 days a week, I'd expect the nanny to do a lot of these activities during the week to prepare my DC for preschool so we could do the fun stuff - going out, playground, parks, cafes - as a family together at the weekend.

A nanny is an alternative to a nursery and should be providing the children with a grounding in the same skills as a good nursery would. They're both a form of professional childcare and therefore different to a SAHP.

[jannier]

At 17 months your lo needs daily messy play as well as singing, physical excercise and meet ups. Id be asking her for more of a plan as to what lo is getting developmentaly look up some local activity groups, buy a tough tray and asking her to do activities like cornflour gloom painting and playdo. Days need to be balanced not just out wondering

[jeanne16]

I think you should tell your nanny that you want them to have some time at home doing crafts, play do, painting etc. It’s really important children do this type of activity. You are effectively her manager and should be able to specify what she does with your DC, at least for part of the time.

[MrsPelligrinoPetrichor]

@jannier

At 17 months your lo needs daily messy play as well as singing, physical excercise and meet ups. Id be asking her for more of a plan as to what lo is getting developmentaly look up some local activity groups, buy a tough tray and asking her to do activities like cornflour gloom painting and playdo. Days need to be balanced not just out wondering

I imagine the groups include playgroups which would include messy play.

[DogFoodPie]

I think going to a class or the park or a walk everyday and the shops every now and then is fine but I wouldn't be too keen on her being out all day everyday, unless she was doing some kind of Scandinavian forest school type of thing.

[LastToBePicked]

@NannyR

Childcare is soooo boring so much of the time

I disagree, as a nanny I love spending time with babies and toddlers, that's why I chose the job. If a nanny is walking around shopping centres because she's bored of looking after the children she's paid to look after then she's in the wrong job.

Well exactly. I know I definitely took my DC for a mooch round the shops because I was bored sometimes. Sometimes because I had to do the shopping or run errands so that’s just life. But I don’t run errands or mooch in the shops on work time, I do the job I am paid for!

In answer to the OP:

Being out a lot is fine and good, but that largely depends how much she’s doing child focused activities. Fine for her to pop to the shops to buy things for lunch (or do the odd personal errand even) but if she’s doing that a lot I would be concerned.

Also while going to groups etc is good for your DC, it is an extra expense on you as well on top of paying your nanny and probably not always needed if your nanny is active and engaged.

One of the great things about our nanny was that she had great patience for engaging with my DC on the —boring— games they liked to play. Being animated while building towers, making a jigsaw, soft toy tea party etc. I find that kind of thing deathly dull after about 10 minutes but if you’re going to be a nanny you’ve got to be able to tolerate that, otherwise you are really in the wrong job!

[Blossomtoes]

Also while going to groups etc is good for your DC, it is an extra expense on you as well on top of paying your nanny and probably not always needed if your nanny is active and engaged

Those groups will involve socialising with other children. Pretty important for a kid born in lockdown, I’d have thought.

[Gilly12345]

I get being in with a17 month can be a bit tedious but what would you rather they be doing?

Going shopping is not on up I think unless you have asked her to get things for the family.

Should she be going to a playgroup, swimming maybe?

What was discussed with her about her role?

[Goldbar]

Yes, groups will involve socialising, which is good for children, but part of the value in having a nanny is the engaged 1-1 care they provide for your children. If they're taking them to groups and then zoning out while the kids play with other kids, you'd be better with a nursery set-up and a good key worker who's actually interested in your child and their development.

We didn't have strong views on nanny-nursery for our DC (chose nursery in the end as we wanted the socialisation and reliability). But our experience has been that nursery staff are very good at pinpointing where children are developmentally and what activities they should be encouraged to do to bring them on. I would have thought a good nanny would also be doing this for the children in their care, especially if there's only one child!!