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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Sour end

102 replies

Jazsullfan1 · 29/11/2020 18:33

Hi all.

So an incident took place this week and my childminder didn’t disclose it to me. When I picked my Son up he disclosed his events of what happen he was not upset and I didn’t think much of it. We were on our way home and I didn’t know what to say and at the time I didn’t think it was a big deal. The childminder I was was due to be finishing work in the next 5 weeks anyway. It’s a newish arrangement around 7 weeks she has been working for me.

I run the situation by some friends and they were disgusted by what went on.

So the incident was that CM broke down just as she left my house. The CM allegedly banged on the steering wheel and said “I’m going to get a flaming ticket”. DS then went on to ask if “they were going to walk to school” I assume this annoyed the CM at that moment in time and she told DS to “shut up”.

Personally I don’t think it’s the end of the world because nobody is perfect but i txted the CM and to cut a LONG story short she denied saying shut up and she did admit to getting a ticket... she down played the situation and she said it was only 5 mins! (Which I believe to be true that the breakdown wasn’t long)

I’m annoyed with how she’s been so unprofessional and really rude when I challenged her on this and she’s turned it round on me saying she no longer feels comfortable to come to my house (she usually starts from 7pm sleeps overnight) and local school run in the morn.

Am I missing something here? Should the CM of disclosed the issue rather waiting for DS to come back and say who is 6.

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ShirleyPhallus · 29/11/2020 18:37

I’m not sure what you wanted her to tell you? That she broke down and got a ticket? Why might she have told you that - it doesn’t impact her childminding abilities at all. Perhaps only if your child was late to school but your OP isn’t clear.

So the only thing that’s up to dispute is if she told your DS to shut up or not. Is it possible he misheard?

If she didn’t say that then I’m not surprised she feels uncomfortable in your house. Can you get someone else for the next 5 weeks? A childminder who sleeps over sounds pretty rare tbh.

Twickerhun · 29/11/2020 18:39

I don’t really get the scenario here. I think if (as a general rule) my childminders car broke down and she got a ticket I wouldn’t expect this to be disclosed to me as a parent. It’s not like my child got someone or fell over. It’s very hard to know how reasonable your messages to her were and her responses to you - non of us can advise on that as there is so little info here.

Twickerhun · 29/11/2020 18:41

Is she actually a child minder at all? If she works at your house surely that’s more of a nanny?

Original poster

Jazsullfan1 · 29/11/2020 18:50

Sorry nanny. She didn’t get a ticket DS mentioned the ticket because she was stating the possibility of getting a ticket to my DS. It was 5 minutes and it wasn’t in the city centre it was a few doors away from where I live around 08.30. I don’t know why she seemed so flustered in a short amount of time.

Let’s be honest my own child annoys me at times. I was not present but it does sound fitting that the CM got caught up in the moment and DS asked her if they were going to walk and she allegedly said shut up to DS. She denied this and when I asked her about what happened originally she never stated anything about banging on her steering wheel nor been worried about getting a ticket.... until I asked her what happened she did say she was worried about getting a parking ticket.

OP posts:

JayAlfredPrufrock · 29/11/2020 19:18

What are you upset about?

Original poster

Jazsullfan1 · 29/11/2020 19:23

@ShirleyPhallus

So the only thing that’s up to dispute is if she told your DS to shut up or not. Is it possible he misheard?

If she didn’t say that then I’m not surprised she feels uncomfortable in your house. Can you get someone else for the next 5 weeks? A childminder who sleeps over sounds pretty rare tbh.

Sorry she did not get a ticket. It was a possibility of getting a ticket... that is what she admitted to DS. Her words were “I’m going to get a flaming ticket” we don’t use the word flaming in our house and it’s quite a yorkshire term so I can be pretty certain DS did not make that line up because I never use that word at home “flaming”.

Of course it’s possibly like everything. DS could of misheard. However after 7 weeks what would you have done as a parent? I’m entitled to ask just like in any other work place something would be investigated regardless if the allegation was true or not.

OP posts:

Poppypink6 · 29/11/2020 19:27

@JayAlfredPrufrock

What are you upset about?

Can you tell people to shut up in your line of work? Would your manger not have you in the office

FelicityPike · 29/11/2020 19:32

I would give her a warning about appropriate language. Telling your child to “shut up” is not on. I could forgive “flaming” this once.

SprogletsMum · 29/11/2020 19:33

I wouldn't be massively bothered. She was clearly frustrated and held that in fairly well. She could have said much worse and a snapped shut up to a child being annoying in a tense moment isn't the end of the world either.

Twickerhun · 29/11/2020 19:36

I don’t think her behaviour sounds great from a childcare provider and I can see why you were upset - I can’t tell someone at work to shut up and no one should tell a child in their care that - but it’s equally not the end of the world. The arrangement is ending soon, do you want it to end earlier?

Porridgeoat · 29/11/2020 19:42

She was just upset for a few seconds. Obviously saying shut up isn’t ok but she was briefly stressed and you’ve mentioned your concern to her so probably what by get a repeat. I would let it pass but be watchful and offer support/direction if it’s required.

Original poster

Jazsullfan1 · 29/11/2020 19:51

For me it’s not the fact that she said flaming or shut because I have no issue with her actual work. It’s her response and how she has dealt with the situation. I’m in the middle and to be fair to her I wasn’t there and I cannot accuse because that’s unfair but where it’s getting complex is I was shocked by her tone and how the situation escalated. I was just asking if there was an incident that took place on Thursday. I can understand she was stressed as we all can get stressed.

Perhaps she should of admitted her wrong and said look I perhaps was a bit brisk in the heat of the moment. To turn the situation on me is not really fair because I also feel uncomfortable that DS is saying she said something and she is saying she didn’t. Bottom line is either DS lied or the CM did.

Also I’ve only known her 7 weeks so I can’t exactly say I know her true character because I don’t.

@SprogletsMum I don’t think she held anything in well in was 5mins her car did restart quite quickly because I asked her. I’m quite busy in my line of work and people get on my nerves I would never tell a relative to shut up though.

What do you mean by snapped? I think if your going to snap you shouldn’t really be working with children.... Do you speak to your friends kids in that manner?

It’s the principle that I think she’s lying and she has not admitted to saying she got caught up in the moment and she should of just apologised.

OP posts:

JauntyMcGinty · 29/11/2020 19:52

She's denying saying Shut Up? And you're taking the word of your child? Not saying your child is lying but witnesses are notoriously unreliable. I'd bank it and proceed with caution but not sure I'd get rid. She's sleeping in your house, you must have reason to trust her if you allow that.

JauntyMcGinty · 29/11/2020 19:56

Also, hard to know if she was being unreasonable when we don't know the content of tone of your text.

Original poster

Jazsullfan1 · 29/11/2020 19:56

@Twickerhun

The arrangement has ended the CM stated she feels uncomfortable and I feel uncomfortable also. My duty of care lies with DS. She’s practically a stranger and I didn’t like her response when I challenged her on the matter.

OP posts:

Whynotnowbaby · 29/11/2020 19:56

This seems an incredibly minor incident. Shut up isn’t is ideal but she didn’t swear at him or in his presence and she was clearly under pressure due to the stress of the situation. In all likelihood she can’t actually remember verbatim what she said at the time as she was stressed. If I had approached it at all (and I probably wouldn’t have bothered) I would have said something like, dc said your car broke down this morning, is everything sorted now? Maybe I don’t have very high standards, but this is a real non-issue to me. Of course I would think differently if she told him to shut up all the time.

JauntyMcGinty · 29/11/2020 19:56

*content or tone

Original poster

Jazsullfan1 · 29/11/2020 20:00

@JauntyMcGinty

To be honest I don’t have a reason like any CM a rapport is built. It’s been 7 weeks I have no complaint about her prior she does her job well. I just trusted her like most parents would with a CM.

I allow it because it’s the only way I could have gotten to work until I managed to get a new job role which I have now found.

OP posts:

Whynotnowbaby · 29/11/2020 20:01

Ok, so the arrangement has ended and you feel you can’t trust her, what do you want from us? Retrospective support for that termination? If so, I would say you were too hasty and she probably feels you overreacted to a minor indiscretion. That is your prerogative as her employer of course!

Whynotnowbaby · 29/11/2020 20:03

It sounds like you viewed her as dispensable from the start and are pleased to have a reason to terminate now you don’t need her. That’s a shame as she would be an excellent person to have maintained a positive relationship with for the times when you have an emergenxy.

Original poster

Jazsullfan1 · 29/11/2020 20:04

@JauntyMcGinty

I know my DS and I would say that if you are stressed and a child says to you “mum are we walking to school” when your car has broken down it’s not the first thing you want to hear I can appreciate that completely.

However I will not tolerate lying because it’s never ending and I’m not some type of investigator to work out weather DS is lying.

Yes I did take my child’s word I don’t believe he is an Angel by any means however I do believe him. Why wouldn’t I? The CM is practically a stranger after all.

OP posts:

Backbee · 29/11/2020 20:05

I don't really get the issue. I would be annoyed if our childminder told my DS to shut up if he was upset by it; but would just have a respectful work with her and only take it further if it kept happening. Flaming isn't a common word to be offended by, if you are fair enough, but does she know that? Unless she said the other word beginning with f and you're using flaming on here? If you think she's alright other than that, why not talk to her? Lay out expectations etc, it all seems a bit dramatic.

Original poster

Jazsullfan1 · 29/11/2020 20:07

@Whynotnowbaby

Actually it’s not a case of that. I cannot afford to pay her £500+ a month then play for a play scheme as well in the school holidays I currently work nights. I’m struggling with nights and I have secured a job transfer that fits within school hours.

OP posts:

JauntyMcGinty · 29/11/2020 20:09

I understand why you need her, I just think you must have had a degree of faith in her to have had her look after your kids and sleep in your house so I'd not make a impulsive judgement on the incident. If it's about her reaction, it's impossible to comment when we don't know how you approached it with her.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 29/11/2020 20:10

At least she didn’t say shut the fuck up. Win win.

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