Nanny doesn't wash up

[happyascarrie]

DH and I (wfh) usually have 1-2 evenings a week where we both have to work until 7/ have later meetings. We have a nanny who comes 4 days a week, usually until 4 but on these late evening she stays until 7:30.

As part of our agreement she cooks DC dinner on these nights, always something made from scratch and the DC love it. The only problem is she uses just about every pot, pan, dish and spoon in the kitchen to make it, she'll weigh out ingredients in different bowls, use a spoon to stir something and put it straight in the wash bowl or dishwasher only to get a new one out 2 mins later.

She seems to always find a reason to not wash up, she'll suddenly whisk the DC off to another room and make some game that she 'has' to play with them. I've asked a couple of times for her to tidy the kitchen and she's said she'd do it in a minute but never does and when she leaves says 'oh gosh so sorry forgot to wash up' and DH and I spend the next hour blitzing the kitchen to make our own dinner whilst trying to wrangle DC into bed.

How do I politely insist she washes up? DC are good at entertaining themselves and I'm usually downstairs not long after DC dinner anyway so she could do the washing up while I spend time with them. She cleans up after they've done painting or messy play and tidies their toys to reset the room and she's run the hoover around and cleaned the (already clean) kitchen before so she does know it's in our agreement?

I think you're missing a trick, you say she's a wonderful cook and that normally you wouldn't mind washing up but not when you then need to prepare and cook for yourselves so why not switch it up and get her to cook for you too then you wash up ?

I have a friend who cooks like this.

She is an amazing cook. She came ot stay one weekend and offered to somethign for us, it was delicious but it looked as if a herd of elephants had trashed the kitchen.

You do have a choice, is it worth making an issue of etc, but it hwhatever you decide, I would sit down with her and talk about being a more efficient cook, and just comment on how difficult it is to clear up, and help her to see what coudl be reused, and what could be done as she goes along.

@happyascarrie

There is no reason for her to serve my kids jacket potato or frozen food twice a week when we pay her to cook fresh meals. She has time to cook, has freedom to cook whatever she has time for and is fully capable of cooking and tidying, just chooses not to. Why should I pay for her to not do her job so she feels relief?

I am aware of how my children need to be cared for, and I check during naps as they're next to my office and she also has baby monitors for both. My 5 year old is able to play independently in the next room, it wouldn't take her long to load the dishwasher and tidy up and she can see him from the kitchen sink anyway.

For anyone who comments after this please read my responses so I don't have to repeat myself for the 500th time!

You’re being completely reasonable. I’ve employed nannies and it’s entirely within their job duties to leave the kitchen exactly as they found it when they start work.

There’s something a little passive aggressive in her finding ways to get out of his tbh. You need to be firm on this. No way should you be coming home at the end of a long day having to do a big clear up job of her mess. It’s entirely possible to cook and clean as you go, loading dishwasher etc. You wouldn’t ask her to go and do something of YOUR work at 7pm - so why should she be expecting you to do some of hers. Different if it was very occasionally - but consistently is not on. It’s very unprofessional to do that.

You’re being completely reasonable. I’ve employed nannies and it’s entirely within their job duties to leave the kitchen exactly as they found it when they start work.

There’s something a little passive aggressive in her finding ways to get out of his tbh. You need to be firm on this. No way should you be coming home at the end of a long day having to do a big clear up job of her mess. It’s entirely possible to cook and clean as you go, loading dishwasher etc. You wouldn’t ask her to go and do something of YOUR work at 7pm - so why should she be expecting you to do some of hers. Different if it was very occasionally - but consistently is not on. It’s very unprofessional to do that.
This

OP, just ignore the posters telling you not to deal with it. You have to because it bugs you and there will be an atmosphere if you don't

Plenty of comments here from people who have clearly never employed a nanny. Their duties are made clear. Actually I need to remind our nanny, who we love, to let us know when she finishes something (eg milk, bread) so we don't go to get it and find we are out. Small but annoying!

@glitterelf
Because nannies dont cook for the adults in the house. They cook for children; they clean up dishes involved in cooking for children.

Thank you so much to everyone who's been so helpful! I'm still fairly new to being an employer (previous nannies were family friends or friends of friends so very casual) and it's quite daunting but now I understand it's as much for me as it is for her. She needs to be reminded to do her job effectively and it'll be a much nicer environment when this has settled. I've just messaged her so I'll see what she says.

@glitterelf DH and I eat later due to medication timing and we have a great routine spending as much time as possible playing with DC after they've eaten their dinner and we're done with work so it works best that we cook for ourselves, thank you for the suggestion though!

Our Nanny insists on cooking extra of what DC have so we don't have to cook, she's very considerate! She's quite motherly to me at times which I very much appreciate, I'm a young mum so pretty clueless with a lot of mum things!

Tell her you would like the kids to take some responsibility helping out and ask her to involve them in clearing up!

I would also say please don’t message her, these things are always better done face to face. Texts can be (and very often are) ignored.

I'd ask her to cut back on the cooking from scratch there are many less messy meals she can make and insist she cleans up.

@ClarasZoo

Tell her you would like the kids to take some responsibility helping out and ask her to involve them in clearing up!

Good plan. Even small kids can wash up. cf Montessori has them doing their own pots from 3 😊

Sorry missed update she cooks for the adults too?

She's just replied and said she's sorry she hasn't been clearing up and said she'll be more conscious of it, just gets carried away with the DC sometimes and it goes to the back of her mind. We've just agreed that she'll clear as she goes and wipe and sweep up after cooking as well as filling the dishwasher (even if we have to put it on in the evening). Back to chatting as normal now so no hard feelings! Huzzah! Thank you (mostly) all for your comments and help!

You said you and dh made your own evening meal in your first post

@happyascarrie

She's just replied and said she's sorry she hasn't been clearing up and said she'll be more conscious of it, just gets carried away with the DC sometimes and it goes to the back of her mind. We've just agreed that she'll clear as she goes and wipe and sweep up after cooking as well as filling the dishwasher (even if we have to put it on in the evening). Back to chatting as normal now so no hard feelings! Huzzah! Thank you (mostly) all for your comments and help!

Great! Well done!

If she is cooking meals for everyone maybe you can pop in for 10 tens to load the dishwasher.
It is very kind of her to cook adult meals she's probably trying to impress you by cooking from scratch if the adults are eating it too.
Macaroni and cheese doesn't cut it for adults.

Hang on a minute... In the OP you said you have to spend an hour cleaning before you and DH can cook your own dinner. But now you've said she's so considerate she insists on cooking for you and DH too. With how you've written that it sounds like that is above and beyond her contract and the time you save cooking could just as well be spent doing the dishes. I'd prefer to just get and check the kitchen was done half an hour before she leaves and if not, insist on to taking over with the children while she does it and that would be enough to reinforce it without being rude. But it sounds like my suggestion is too late. I wouldn't be surprised if she stops cooking for you though.

Depends on what is more important, a freshly cooked meal or heating somethiing up

Whomever cooks the other person washes up. That would be you or your DH. She is very kind to cook you food too.

I would much rather the nanny was playing or doing the homework with DC and tidying up. Especially of LO was of crawling age.

Just send her a short message saying all the positives you see in her as a nanny, but could she please make sure that within her duties she loads and unloads the dishwasher and washes and drys up any utensils before the end of the working day. Simple.
If she continues to ignore this then sit her down.
Sorry but unless you were leaving it messy every morning - which you’ve clearly said you don’t- then she is being cheeky & lazy not doing it.

It’s part of her job to do this. I am a nanny and I don’t expect my bosses after a long day of work to have to clear up my mess- I cook in a tidy way so as to make my life easier too.

How’s it going now, OP?

So she cooks for you as well... but you can't be arsed to clean up when she has a late finish? You might want to be aware that if she did leave, you may find it difficult to find someone else who is prepared to cook an evening meal from scratch for the kids and for you!