Nanny doesn't wash up

[happyascarrie]

DH and I (wfh) usually have 1-2 evenings a week where we both have to work until 7/ have later meetings. We have a nanny who comes 4 days a week, usually until 4 but on these late evening she stays until 7:30.

As part of our agreement she cooks DC dinner on these nights, always something made from scratch and the DC love it. The only problem is she uses just about every pot, pan, dish and spoon in the kitchen to make it, she'll weigh out ingredients in different bowls, use a spoon to stir something and put it straight in the wash bowl or dishwasher only to get a new one out 2 mins later.

She seems to always find a reason to not wash up, she'll suddenly whisk the DC off to another room and make some game that she 'has' to play with them. I've asked a couple of times for her to tidy the kitchen and she's said she'd do it in a minute but never does and when she leaves says 'oh gosh so sorry forgot to wash up' and DH and I spend the next hour blitzing the kitchen to make our own dinner whilst trying to wrangle DC into bed.

How do I politely insist she washes up? DC are good at entertaining themselves and I'm usually downstairs not long after DC dinner anyway so she could do the washing up while I spend time with them. She cleans up after they've done painting or messy play and tidies their toys to reset the room and she's run the hoover around and cleaned the (already clean) kitchen before so she does know it's in our agreement?

I lived with a guy who could make that amount of mess somehow making a simple meal. As she’s a nanny it is her job to deal with all children’s stuff including washing up. Just remind her of that and say it’s starting to really bother you how she’s ignoring your requests and you expect clear improvement from tomorrow, including not leaving it to do later.

Tell her - point out that she's using every pan and surface. That it's not just a saucepan and a baking tray, but a ridiculous amount of work.

There again, have you asked her to make complicated culinary masterpieces? Who's planning the menu? Presumably you're buying the ingredients? Chicken, leek and tarragon pie is considerably more work and more mess than chicken nuggets...

DC eat anything so we gave her free reign over the menu, she tried different food with them and settled on things like spaghetti bolognaise, chicken pie, some soups etc. Nothing too complex or time-consuming and most things are left to cook without needing constant attention. We have a meal plan for the week and always a stocked fridge and freezer so there have been times she does simple pasta dishes. Nothing she makes requires as much mess as it makes.

I would grit my teeth and leave the kitchen as she left it for next morning. She’s clearly trying to actively avoid clearing up after herself.

Sounds completely out of order then OP. You have my sympathies. You are definitely going to have to tell her that it's not acceptable. And potentially combine it with DrinkFeck's method.

She's great with your kids and takes good care of them , right?

I'd honestly let it go op , get a dishwasher and relax.

If I was in your shoes I’d be telling her what to cook for the children and making sure they are simple dishes with minimum washing up involved. An omelet, beans on toast,, jacket spuds or something more complex you prepared earlier in the week that just needs reheating.

Also, tell her “whilst we appreciate you cooking for the children, it’s making us a lot of work cleaning up after you. So from now on the children will be having this” and let her reheat the home made dish you made earlier.

Just ask her nicely but clearly. Don’t bang on about the contract. Suggest she only does prepared ahead meals like the shepherds pie if it’s a time issue.

Thank you @DryRoastPeanut. I'll be having a word with her the week before she joins us again.

I would prepare meals or ask her to give simpler meals but we pay her extra for her excellent cooking skills and DC love her cooking so I don't want them to go without nutritious meals just because she's not cleaning up after herself.

Gosh people are such doormats, suggesting not saying anything! You don't pay anyone to come into your home to leave it in a mess, whether they are a decorator, plumber, builder, gardener or nanny. Especially when you've been working all day and want to eat something and the first thing you have to do is tidy the kitchen. I'd be absolutely livid!

It's definitely not a time issue DS 2 and 3 nap at the same time in the afternoon and DS1 is 5 so can play independently while she cleans. She usually has dinner prepared and cooking by nap time so there's time for her to do a quick tidy and load the dishwasher.

Thank you @Graciebobcat! DH and I work full time and keep a farm running so we kinda need the people we hire to do their jobs! I wouldn't let the painter we've got in splash paint over the floorboards and furniture and scrub them clean myself whilst thanking him for doing such a great job and giving him a pay rise!

I would not risk setting a negative tone between you and an adored nanny over a messy kitchen.

I really wouldn't. Just buy some oven pizzas and put them in the fridge ready to be heated up. Say it's to save on the mess but don't force her back in to the kitchen as she's leaving. It might set off bad vibes and she looks elsewhere. Can you risk it? If she is otherwise brilliant.

It is odd given that the main task is surely to fill the dishwasher. How can it be that bad? I would reiterate to her that she needs to load the dishwasher before she goes off to play with the kids.

Ah I'm not giving my kids frozen pizzas just because the nanny isn't doing her job properly! 'Bad vibes' or not!

Mumsnet is a very strange place sometimes.

If you posted saying that your MIL was providing the care but left your kitchen in a state, you would be told "if you dont like how she does it then pay for a nanny" or "she's doing it for free; if you want to dictate then pay for it".

But here you are, paying a nanny with a clear job description and you're still being told to just do I for me and be nice because she is looking after your kids.

This is her job! If she left you and went elsewhere, her job would still require cleaning up stuff related to the kids!

Why not just say matter of factly that from now on ,just some oven chips/fish fingers /jacket potato or whatever will be required? Maybe she will be relieved! I think she may still have to check DC when they are napping/ playing TBH.I worked in a Nursery and DC were checked routinely during Naps .Also "Independent" playing may need to be supervised as well I would imagine! Do you have a Slow Cooker at all .Maybe she could start early and leave it on for their Supper?

Id rather she played with the children than washed up. She isn't a cleaner she is a nanny.

@MrsSpringfield

Seriously? She is paying a premium rate for a nanny who agreed to cook for the children and clean up after. That's the job. But you want her to just give her kids frozen pizza? Instead of the home cooked meals she has employed someone to make? All because that someone doesnt want to fulfill their job description?

Is there any other job in which you would tell the employer to settle for substandard service (despite paying for a premium service) because the employee cant be arsed to do it properly?

There is no reason for her to serve my kids jacket potato or frozen food twice a week when we pay her to cook fresh meals. She has time to cook, has freedom to cook whatever she has time for and is fully capable of cooking and tidying, just chooses not to. Why should I pay for her to not do her job so she feels relief?

I am aware of how my children need to be cared for, and I check during naps as they're next to my office and she also has baby monitors for both. My 5 year old is able to play independently in the next room, it wouldn't take her long to load the dishwasher and tidy up and she can see him from the kitchen sink anyway.

For anyone who comments after this please read my responses so I don't have to repeat myself for the 500th time!

@madcatladyforever So you want my nanny to wake up my napping children to play with them? Excellent advice, thanks! xo

As a nanny - I wouldn't dare leave a mess for my bosses to clean up, I'm there to make their life easier not harder! If she's slow cooking, it's very easy to clean and go - get the kids involved! Never too soon to teach a kid how to load a dishwasher. They're not royalty.

DH and I never get a look in when DS1 wants to wash up! Farm raised kids aren't the type to sit around and watch!
can you be our nanny too please

I absolutely agree that a competent nanny can manage their time to cook and clear up after themselves. I wonder if it would be worth starting the conversation along the lines of ‘obviously we’ve already discussed that it’s essential that the kitchen be cleaned at the end of the day. How would you like to manage the day to make sure that happens?’ I.e. give her the responsibility for making sure it happens. It shouldn’t be up to you to micromanage her time. She should be able to manage it herself

“Sorry to ask, but cleaning up the kitchen after cooking is in the agreement so can you please start doing it again.” Something like that?

I don’t know why people are getting funny about it here. It’s part of her job.

If she thinks she’s got getting paid enough to clean up the kitchen after cooking then she can bring that up with op and negotiate.