Nanny doesn't wash up

[happyascarrie]

DH and I (wfh) usually have 1-2 evenings a week where we both have to work until 7/ have later meetings. We have a nanny who comes 4 days a week, usually until 4 but on these late evening she stays until 7:30.

As part of our agreement she cooks DC dinner on these nights, always something made from scratch and the DC love it. The only problem is she uses just about every pot, pan, dish and spoon in the kitchen to make it, she'll weigh out ingredients in different bowls, use a spoon to stir something and put it straight in the wash bowl or dishwasher only to get a new one out 2 mins later.

She seems to always find a reason to not wash up, she'll suddenly whisk the DC off to another room and make some game that she 'has' to play with them. I've asked a couple of times for her to tidy the kitchen and she's said she'd do it in a minute but never does and when she leaves says 'oh gosh so sorry forgot to wash up' and DH and I spend the next hour blitzing the kitchen to make our own dinner whilst trying to wrangle DC into bed.

How do I politely insist she washes up? DC are good at entertaining themselves and I'm usually downstairs not long after DC dinner anyway so she could do the washing up while I spend time with them. She cleans up after they've done painting or messy play and tidies their toys to reset the room and she's run the hoover around and cleaned the (already clean) kitchen before so she does know it's in our agreement?

I get it OP, it's harder when you love the nanny and she almost feels like a friend or family member. But you are paying her for a job that she isn't doing. We've had numerous nannies over the years and it's explicit in the contract that they clear up after the kids, including any mess from cooking. They are not a cleaner or housekeeper but part of nannying is either tidying up the mess or even better teaching the children to do it once they are old enough.
She obviously hates washing up, don't we all, but tough. Maybe a quick call or text before she comes back, something like, sorry to bring it up but can you please make sure the kitchen is tidied after dinner. Thanks. No excuses or 'I can watch the kids while you do it'. It's her job and she's perfectly capable.

You need to put your foot down, firmly but nicely. It is part of the role she is paid for. I had this issue with my last nanny - we went through all the duties in the contract before she joined us and she was happy to do all of them except one. No problem, we amended the contract to remove that duty.

Then she started with us and just didn't do lots of things she'd previously agreed - I don't like confrontation so I let it slide (using the same rationale as a previous poster, that she was good with the kids etc).

Big mistake. It just led to her pushing the boundaries more and more and taking advantage of us. We gave her notice in the end.

If you pay her extra for cooking, I would say to her that you don’t want her to cook anymore due to the mess - you will be providing ready made food for her to feed the children and cutting her wages accordingly. I suspect she will suddenly become capable of cleaning up after herself.

Is it possible she doesn't know how to use the dishwasher and is too embarrassed to say? I'm in my thirties and I've never used one.

Just tell her to make them a cheese toastie.

Thank you all!
TweeBree she does know, she's used it once or twice and we gave her a full run down of all appliances when she started. She used to work in a professional kitchen so is capable!

I'll give her a gentle reminder/nudge and if that doesn't work I'll ask DH to give a verbal warning (Not that i'm a chicken or anything...)

Ooh I really wouldn’t go down the formal warning route. I know the washing up is an issue but I think you need to see this as peripheral to her main duties of caring for the children. They love her and you love her and that’s something money can’t buy. If she leaves you might get someone highly efficient in housekeeping but less good with the children.

If she’s otherwise good just mention it as written warning & document the discussion and make it clear that if it happens again then you will need to discuss adjusting pay. No need to be rude about it but a written record may help.

Sorry, didn't mean a warning in a harsh way! Just a firm chat to make sure she knows what the situation is (that sounds quite mafia like oo-er).

We have had other Nannies before, we had a Nanny and a cleaner too at one point who worked together and that was really effective but current Nanny is a dream and is suppose to do both!

I'm wondering if she feels like she's neglecting the kids if she cooks from scratch and then cleans up. Could you tell her that you will take over with the kids while she cooks and then cleans up. I think you said the kids are independent so it shouldn't be an issue for you

I used to nanny and left the kitchen spotless after meals I made and it’s def accepted as being part of the role. What did annoy me though and this isn’t happening with you I’m sure, was the grandparents would come over frequently when I was there and cook themselves a meal (not the kids) really make a mess of the kitchen and expected me to run around cleaning after them, to the point they left dinner plates on the floor for me to clean up! This wasn’t in my contract and it got that I simply moved the stuff out of harms way and left it because it was a joke. I sound petty but it really was taking advantage and like you described, a big mess. I said it to the family and they had a word as it was interfering with my job role and as though I was minding them aswell! Anything child related is def her responsibility though and if it was me I couldn’t leave a mess I had made!

Simply tell her that although you appreciate the effort and DC love her food she can't continue to leave your kitchen in such a mess for you to clean up after a days work and ask her to 'clean as she goes', a term she should be au fait with if she has worked in professional kitchens.

Thank he4 for cooking and say please make sure kitchen is tidy before you go

If it isn’t she stays late and tidies it

Sure next time it will be

@madcatladyforever

Id rather she played with the children than washed up. She isn't a cleaner she is a nanny.

Not true. The nanny is responsible for tidying up after whatever she does for/with the kids. And it’s in her contract.

I think you just need to be clearer with her that washing up is part of her job. You can temper it by saying that if she finds it hard to wash up when cooking from scratch that you're happy for her to do a simple pasta & sauce or beige oven bits instead. I do get that it feels more fraught in a nanny situation - I've been a nanny employer for 5 years - but part of being an employer is tackling issues in a clear, professional and constructive way. Think of it this way, you aren't happy and you owe it to her to give her clear and actionable feedback so that you can both be happy.

I do think it's true that you can either have a nanny who takes amazing care of the kids or one who takes amazing care of the house. My nanny is definitely in the former camp and that's one of the reasons I love her and will keep her on as long as we need a nanny. Things do turn up in the oddest places after days with the kids here and clothes often aren't put away etc. But I consider that's a small price to pay, and she absolutely washes up after cooking for the DC.

Why isn’t she at work. Nannies can work as they can’t work from home.
I’m a nanny and have worked all through .
She needs to leave the kitchen spotless as she finds it.
She sounds rubbish to be honest .
If the children nap she can take her break and then prep the meal. Then later at supper time she finishes cooking, Cleaning up as she goes . It’s pretty basic stuff. Children should be able to play independently too , she needs to set up play for that time of day.
I think you need to sit her down with a list of clear expectations.

OP

I had a nanny and found these things hard to broach. I don’t know why! I think you need to say it nice and matter of fact. Don’t over explain. Don’t get into how exhausted how both you and your husband are - just say it like oh reminder - can you make sure the kitchen is done after the kids’ meal. Is that ok? Yes? Ok great. And then move the conversation on!

Come down at 6.30 and say “please go and clean up the kitchen”.

She's not at work as she has personal responsibilities and DH and I have been able to be flexible with work.

She's perfect in every way other than this, we've never had any issues and she follows every other item in the contract.

We've been sending messages to check in on each other as she's in a difficult situation at the moment and DH suggested that when I message her tonight I include this so I'll do it now and update you all!

Tell her she needs to leave the kitchen in the same condition she finds it from now on. That's the priority.

I don't think she should need to stay late to clean a messy kitchen after she has cooked an evening meal. But I understand you don't want to face this mess when you finish work. So either you provide the meals in the fridge ready to heat up or just pizza type chicken nuggets. Most nannies wouldn't be cooking evening meals AFAIK.,

That's a tricky one - you say you used to have a nanny and a cleaner, I guess you nanny knows this and may resent having to clean as well as nanny when you used to have a cleaner? Why don't you ask her to batch cook enough meals for a couple of weeks to freeze and then you/her/your DH would only have this issue every now and again.

@Viviennemary

I don't think she should need to stay late to clean a messy kitchen after she has cooked an evening meal. But I understand you don't want to face this mess when you finish work. So either you provide the meals in the fridge ready to heat up or just pizza type chicken nuggets. Most nannies wouldn't be cooking evening meals AFAIK.,

Most nannies do cook an evening meal for kids

That’s their duties

It’s once a week. She should be capable of tidying up after herself

A good nanny can combine childcare with all the chores that go with children.
Cooking healthy meals from scratch should be expected. Chicken nuggets - just no !
If you are paying £13 to £15 per hour then you should have staff who are competent.
The nanny is just untidy , that’s fine when she is at home but at work it’s not acceptable.