Advice needed - Nanny does not speak same language bas children

[Chlojomojo]

all,

I need some advice. I am a nanny and have just moved to Italy with a nice family of 3 children (3, 2, and newborn).

I've only been here 3 days so I know it's not alot of tome, however I've already come across an issue that may progress into something worse.

I am from the UK and only speak English. The family hired me because they wanted their children to improve their English. However, none of them (the kids) speak a word of it which is making life very difficult. When I need to tell them something, comfort, say no they don't understand and it always bends up in a tantrum which then escalates because we don't understand each other.

The kids are also very attached to their parents and other house keep which they have known all their life. I think the language barrier may present issues. I have spoken to the parents and said this will be a big issue, and they are aware.

Any advice?

What did the parents say?

I’d start learning badic Italian pronto iIf they’re supposed to learn English you still need to bridge that before they start understanding you.

I'm learning not on Duolingo as best as I can. I'm not great bat languages, but wanting to learn the basics.

The parents understand, however at the moment they are both home and the house keeper is here as well. I cannot even take the kids to a different room without them screaming and crying for the parents/housekeeper, which is then made worse as I cannot comfort with words only gestures, actions, and body language.

I am aware it is only a very short amount of time I'm here, and it takes time, but it is very hard at the moment

Hi OP,
It's really early days, so give it time. Start to learn some basic Italian phrases (it's a lovely language and even if languages aren't your thing, it's quite easy to learn!).
The children will form a bond with you in time, and the language will become less of a barrier, remember tone of voice, body language and facial expression are all part of being an effective communicator.
It will be fine. But the first few weeks will be a bit of a challenge, for everyone, whilst everyone gets used to a new dynamic.
If it's really grim, you can always come home! But I'd give it two weeks, and then review how things are going.

Cross posted with you op!
It will get easier, and the first few days will be tough, same as in any new job!
But remember you can always come home.
Have you done nannying before or is this your first job?

I'm in Italy and this is a very common and totally misguided approach that many parents have. If I had a fiver for every time a family asked me to find "a girl who wants to come and live here for a few months" I'd be able to retire.

They want a full immersion English teacher at an au-pair/nanny price.

That said, you're there so presumably you knew this was going to be the arrangement?

You can look up some basic phrases that you need to comfort the children and give them a few instructions. Italian is a very easy language - treat this as a chance to learn it? And the children will pick up English very easily.

When I accepted the job, I was told that I was to be the nanny and to help guide with English and bring it on. They never mentioned about teaching it from scratch, so I assumed basic English would be understood. I new it wouldn't be great given their ages, obviously, but I did not think it would challenge like this.

I have been an au pair previously in Paris Tina French/American family. The kids were older and spoke fluent English, so my role as care giver and helping them improve on their writing skills was within my skills.

I am worried that teaching a child a new language is something I am unable to do.

I really want it to work, I do. I think I will give it a month and if things don't improve I may have to speak to the family and the agency I am with about being relocated.

Is English your first language?

Yes, give it a few weeks. It's normal (as you know) for kids, especially little ones, to reject the nanny initially. Especially as they can't understand a word she's saying!

I au-paired in Spain under the same sort of thing, but was doing a degree in Spanish.

My nationality is English and it's the only language I speak unfortunately, my writing is appalling at the moment though because of autocorrect and being on my phone- I've been reading back through my replies shocked 😂

That's why I'm very much hoping, I'm a new scary face who they can't understand. Slowly and surely it will get better, it feels though at the moment all I'm getting is tantrums, the word no which is the only one they know, and tears especially because they're so attached to the housekeeper/parents. With the parents at home it makes my confidence drop and feel like I'm not doing a good job because of it.

If you have internet access then you can use Google Translate to listen and speak for you (and it can translate writing if you point your camera at text).

That's a very good shout actually, I may give that a go! Will definitely help on the trickier situations!

Just asked the parents about using translate, they don't want to use it because bit doesn't promote them learning English, and they want to avoid me learning Italian. They like that I don't speak it cos they want the kids to learn English fully ... Hopefully we will all pick it up naturally but it will be hard.

@Chlojomojo

Just asked the parents about using translate, they don't want to use it because bit doesn't promote them learning English, and they want to avoid me learning Italian. They like that I don't speak it cos they want the kids to learn English fully ... Hopefully we will all pick it up naturally but it will be hard.

They don’t want you to learn Italian? That’s shit.

It's going to be hard, I'm happy to give it a month to spend time and see if we can all grow and develop to know eachother. But without basic understanding and inability to learn it will be hard. I think will still learn Italian on Duolingo to help myself just avoid Infront not parents

I was going to suggest getting some of those laminated posters they have in schools on the walls. Pictures of say animals, food, jobs, but at 2/3, they wouldnt be able to read them anyways! Something like that might be useful if you could get one in either both languages though, or just italian. They way, you could point to the hourse and say 'horse', but you would also have the italian word for horse so you can learn it too.

Surely the parents can prevent you learning Italian or picking it up!!! That in bonkers. Surely in your own time, what you do it YOUR time?
Is there an Italian school anywhere nearby? You would find even a few hours a week there would improve your Italian and you might meet other English speakers. Duolingo has a place for sure, but I wish you could just pick the topic you want to learn about, rather than having to discuss 'the penguin is in the desert!' for example!

@Chlojomojo

Just asked the parents about using translate, they don't want to use it because bit doesn't promote them learning English, and they want to avoid me learning Italian. They like that I don't speak it cos they want the kids to learn English fully ... Hopefully we will all pick it up naturally but it will be hard.

They sound batshit. Personally I'd be back home by tomorrow evening, as there is no way your life is going to get easier. Even if you managed to "avoid learning Italian" (admittedly you have an inbuilt advantage, speaking English) they'd never be happy with how much the kids have learned with the potential for that to lead to disputes over pay.

Hope it all works out for you, but I can't see it myself.

They clearly have no idea either how the mind of a 3 yr old, plonked in front of someone who they don't know, and who is speaking a different language to them, works. And even less idea of how people learn a language.

I don’t think the parents have thought this through, they certainly seem to have unrealistic expectations. I think you’ve been given a poor description of the situation and it would be better for you and the children to end it sooner rather than later and get a better place.

I have a bilingual niece and nephew and even with one parent using English and the other Italian it took a long time for the children to learn.

If it helps little ones can pick up language quickly. I taught in Korea for while and they weren't allowed to speak Korean in classroom. It was hard at first but they did learn. What books do they have in english? It might be good having something you can look at together, look up games and songs online.

I found it hard as a teacher in foreign country at first but did get easier.

If it helps little ones can pick up language quickly.

The problem is the OP was hired as a nanny, not a language teacher. And now we have established that the parents are mad as a box of frogs, I'd scarper. (Or, to be Italian scarpa ). This really won't end well.

They have a few books, and I brought out a nursery rhyme book with me. They also have a few books available, what is making it more harder though is that we are currently away at the country house with no toys and maybe 3 books....

I was a bit shocked when I did ask and she said no, because I thought it was a good idea, to atleast help in the times where conflict is rising/tantrums. It's a very difficult situation that I really want to work out, but the more I look into it, I would be great here if the kids were a bit better with English. At current where they are they need a bilingual nanny or a qualified English teacher.

I'm going to give it a month, and hopefully I will have a better idea, if we don't bond because of the language barrier it is no fault of anyone, and it would maybe best best if we both sought new arrangements.

If you’re going to be living in Italy you should learn Italian, it will make life easier for you and is basic good manners to at leat attempt to speak the language of your host country. The parents get no say in that. What they probably mean is they don’t want you speaking Italian to the children, it doesn’t mean you can’t learn it.

For the children they are still very young and at an early stage with speech in general, so they will pick it up. Try singing songs and nursery rhymes, have Peppa pig on in English, play games on the floor with them in a really chilled manner.

I was briefly an au pair who managed to teach a few phrases to nonEnglish speaking children (although I spoke Italian most of the time) and now have bilingual DC, I used a lot of the same methods to reinforce English in the early years.