Advice needed - Nanny does not speak same language bas children

[Chlojomojo]

all,

I need some advice. I am a nanny and have just moved to Italy with a nice family of 3 children (3, 2, and newborn).

I've only been here 3 days so I know it's not alot of tome, however I've already come across an issue that may progress into something worse.

I am from the UK and only speak English. The family hired me because they wanted their children to improve their English. However, none of them (the kids) speak a word of it which is making life very difficult. When I need to tell them something, comfort, say no they don't understand and it always bends up in a tantrum which then escalates because we don't understand each other.

The kids are also very attached to their parents and other house keep which they have known all their life. I think the language barrier may present issues. I have spoken to the parents and said this will be a big issue, and they are aware.

Any advice?

MamuleMu

I see a lot of people give an advice but clearly most if then did not grow up bilingual or trilingual etc.

This too. At 3yo the eldest won’t have a huge vocabulary in either Italian or Spanish, ditto the 2yo, plus they are already used to the idea of switching languages. You will need to be patient and repeat yourself a lot and it will come. Also lots of background in English. The newborn will certainly have no speech yet and babies don’t come out rigidly pre-programmed in one language.

Plus you’ve only been there 3 days, It’s normal that they’re clingy, they don’t know you, whatever language you speak.

I still think you probably need to find somewhere else, but bear in mind the next family might have older children who will find it harder to pick up a new language, so it will be doubly frustrating.

Whatever the language situation, it is going to be 100 times harder bonding with the children and trying to even get a few words going if the parents and other housekeeper who are the preferred carers are there- of course the children are going to go to their primary carers, especially with a strange lady who doesn't understand them.

I would probably quit this situation, they aren't wanting a bilingual set-up anyway, it's trilingual with absolutely no English at all except you who are the outside. It sounds very stressful and surely your skills would be in good demand elsewhere.

At 2 and 3yo it’s not the same as EAL teaching. Agreed it would help if you actually understood them, But at that age there is a lot of talking at children as opposed to having a conversation.

You just have to keep perserving, showing you care for them with actions as well as words. I learned how to speak Punjabi fluently as a child by seeing my friend’s parents about 2-3 times a week - they never spoke to me in my language which is very different, but did punctuate words with actions. If I fell over the mum would hug me and say comforting things to me - and eventually I understood their meaning.

Things will become a lot better when the parents aren’t around as a fallback option. Maybe insist on that now if possible - that while you are with the child that child is not permitted to run off back to the parents / help when they don’t want you.

You do not to be a teacher to teach 2yo to talk any language, never mind newborn baby.

All your kids learned english and mums and dads are not teachers.

Melassa and others are spot on.
I have been an ESL teacher in Italy (as it happens) for 27 years and have also been an au-pair to a family that wanted more or less what this family want. My daughter is bilingual.

You may establish a lovely relationship ultimately with both family and children. You won't be able to make them fluent in English. It's really as simple as that. There is also something in linguistics and language teaching methodology called the Affective Dimension. You will not learn a language, or anything else if you don't like it or want to. (It's a bit more complex than that, and obviously if you have no choice, then you'll learn some but there will never be proficiency)

But...if you're going to give it a bash, then you don't need to start making your own materials. That wheel has already been invented. Google EFL young learners, there's loads of stuff out there. I can't remember the site but there's one based all around songs and stuff a 3 year old can relate to.

But, yes, don't even think of going with them to Argentina, and hey, if you want to stay in Italy, start looking round for a better family. An English teacher doing private lessons will be asking 35 an hour in the north. I doubt that's what you're on.

Can't you just focus on playing games and having fun with them? Hide & Seek would be a great one, as no equipment is needed and you can teach basic numbers through it.
Sounds tough though - good luck

Hey OP - I used to teach English as a Foreign language and have taught lots of children in totally immersive classrooms, and which took years of skill building to get right.

I think the parents are a little silly to be honest. You have to be able to communicate the most basic of things in either English or Italian. They also have to get the children on board and explain what’s happening to them or you’ll end up with frustrated children and that’s not going to help anyone.

While you’re finding your feet/making your mind up and what to do next, make your most commonly used currency with these kids a smile - fully exchangeable in any language.

Definitely try to learn some Italian, you should have it for when you’re out of the house at any rate so you can get the best of Italy.

This is a really complex thing and I’m not going to summarise it all in one post. If you’re open to a chat, feel free to PM me and we can talk that way.

All the best :-)

The parents are nuts. They can’t atop you from learning Italian.

Thank you for the advice everyone.

If anything its made me realise im not being completely unreasonable thinking I may not be in the best situation. I definitely want to give it a go, as that shows I've made an effort, because hopefully things may turn around. I'm very hopeful, but I'm not 100% how realistic that is.

I also want to show the agency I didnt just give up, I want to show that I tried and it wasn't my fault that it didn't work out. Which if it doesn't, then if they see this they will likely to find me a new family rather than thinking I'm going to sack it off again - which is not the case at all.

Even if it doesn't to still get to experience a beautiful country, and lesson learned.

Is there not also a safety issue if you are meant to be in charge of kids but they don’t understand / follow your instructions ? I would speak to your agency and voice this worry if nothing else.

Second the advice about just teaching English for much higher rates, you can then do as you please the rest of the time. Or advertise as an English speaking minder / babysitter in cities like Milan or Florence and you will clean up on an hourly rate basis.

Teaching English is a skill that takes training and practice. You can’t just rock up and ‘teach’ because you can speak the language. There is far more to it. @fascinated

@elenacampana speaks a lot of sense! The point about the affective aspect is very important - friends of mine (English/French speaking, living in North Africa, found their kids were happy to speak French, and Arabic, which was the nanny's language, but refused point blank to speak English). I also think the parents are being naive to the point of stupidity.

Also the safety aspect is very worrying. What if one of the children has an accident and you have to take them to hospital? I've got GCSE level Italian - when I fell over and cut my head on holiday to Italy, all ability to speak any coherent sentences went out the window with the pain and stress, and my experience is that in the course of two hospital visits and seeing numerous HCPs only one spoke English (for the avoidance of doubt, I'm bringing that up just to point out that finding someone who speaks English is not guaranteed, not because I expect everyone, everywhere to speak English - why should they?) Now imagine trying to handle a trip to A&E with a three year old and no English.

Do try to learn a bit of Italian for your own benefit (and also because it's a lovely language), but also start looking for a new job/ let the agency know this placement just isn't working for you (I'd stress the safety aspect - that should give the agency the incentive to sort something out pretty quickly).

But the OP could advertise as a native speaker and offer conversations to help with the learner’s speaking fluency you don’t need to be a teacher for that.

@DrinkFeckArseGirls

That isn’t teaching, it’s having chat - commonly known as intercambio and widely available for free. There are hundreds if not thousands of Facebook groups dedicated to intercambio and finding an intercambio partner as well as events held all the time throughout cities worldwide.

How would people suggest i deal with tantrums? Obviously I can't verbally communicate much, is there anything I can try??

@Chlojomojo my honest response is that you cannot provide effective care for the children because of the language issue and that they seem to have a strong bond with other members of the household who can communicate with them.

You’re in an impossible situation and you’re better off calling the agency now and saying it’s not safe for you to stay there and the assignment is not what was described to you.