Advice needed - Nanny does not speak same language bas children

[Chlojomojo]

all,

I need some advice. I am a nanny and have just moved to Italy with a nice family of 3 children (3, 2, and newborn).

I've only been here 3 days so I know it's not alot of tome, however I've already come across an issue that may progress into something worse.

I am from the UK and only speak English. The family hired me because they wanted their children to improve their English. However, none of them (the kids) speak a word of it which is making life very difficult. When I need to tell them something, comfort, say no they don't understand and it always bends up in a tantrum which then escalates because we don't understand each other.

The kids are also very attached to their parents and other house keep which they have known all their life. I think the language barrier may present issues. I have spoken to the parents and said this will be a big issue, and they are aware.

Any advice?

Is there Netflix? You can choose language on most programmes. Also Rai Yoyo has an option for selecting original language on some children’s programmes. It’s a button on the remote to select I think.

Are you in a big city? There are council run courses of Italian for foreigners in most. I appreciate they won’t be open now but maybe in September will reopen.

But yes, the parents sound misguided

If you’re going to be living in Italy you should learn Italian, it will make life easier for you and is basic good manners to at least attempt to speak the language of your host country. The parents get no say in that. What they probably mean is they don’t want you speaking Italian to the children, it doesn’t mean you can’t learn it.

I'd be wary of assumptions - especially in other cultures and countries. OP needs to make sure the parents didn't really mean they aren't to learn Italian.

They specifically said to not learn, 'you do not have to learn Italian, we don't want' but I'm going to do it on an evening out of the house to help myself without their knowledge. I know that's wrong, but I'm the one struggling not them.

I think I'm going to make little posters with letters, numbers and animals, feelings maybe?? And when they feel that way they can point to it? Like a sad face, happy face, and maybe do that a couple times a day?

They specifically said to not learn

I know they did. Because that keeps you cheap.

OK, being old you lose your looks. But if you've kept your ears and eyes open, you get experience in exchange.

The whole forbidden to learn Italian is ringing alarm bells for me. It just sounds dodgy.

I would give notice and get another job. The parents are being unreasonable both to you and to their children. If they want English immersion, they should be paying for a tutor as well as a nanny. You can't do both, especially if the children are not on board with it.

@FelicityPike

The whole forbidden to learn Italian is ringing alarm bells for me. It just sounds dodgy.

Well at the very least it could be a measure intended to ensure the OP can't up sticks and get another job (as a Nanny ....) easily.

Or that and a vague desire to ensure they don't meet a nice Italian person and end up neglecting the kids.

The OP hasn't said where in Italy they have ended up, which matters. It may come as a shock to some, but just like there's no "England", there most certainly isn't an "Italy". And Northern attitudes and culture can be very different to Southern attitudes and culture.

I've been in this exact situation with a 3 year old who only spoke Russian - it's really hard. She did get used to me after a couple of days, and most of the time everything was fine, but if her mum was away or she got upset for some reason it was always really hard to calm her down, especially if I didn't know what she was upset about! And obviously she couldn't understand me if I was trying to tell her that her mum would be back soon, etc. It was really, really difficult and I don't know that it was that helpful in terms of language acquisition either - she just spoke to me in Russian and I spoke to her in English. I think it might have been easier with an older child so we could have done a bit of proper learning of words etc but she just wasn't interested, understandably. Mind you, this was just a summer job and not permanent so I daresay she might have picked up more English in time.

In your case, I think you've been put in a tricky position but I would definitely start learning Italian on the side and don't be afraid to use translate if you're really stuck. Do any of the other household staff speak English as well as Italian? Are the children likely to start doing any formal language lessons at any point?

I had forgotten, but I had this as an au pair in Paris many years ago. I ended up learning phrases for nap time, going to the sand out etc. They wanted me to teach them English reading and writing too. (As well as the ironing in my room at night!) I did a few weeks, and then disappeared without warning, never to return.

Could you go round a space and pick objects that you name in English and them in Italian and make it a game, or even in books. They teach you, you teach them. They are only little and communication is so much more than words, actions and tone means more and that's the same in all languages, maybe ask the parents to pop out for a short time leaving you with the at least the older 2. Kids get upset at change but soon learn it's ok or more.

It rang bells in my head as well. The kids are very young, and the older one (3 girl) is refusing to try and speak it when I ask or her parents ask her to. She goes 'no, Italia'.

Only the parents speak English, but they speak to the children in Italian/Spanish and not much English because, again, the kids don't understand it 😂 the housekeeper only speaks Spanish.

We are in northern Italy, but they also live in Argentina as well, so there will be traveling to their very often which is why the Spanish.

I'm trying to do very basic, but I'm not going to lie, I think with the language issue I'm way over my head. They are quite a notable family in south America and Italy and I think that's why they want the full immersion, but I would say you need a qualified English teacher/nanny/bilingual for that.

Just to be the siren voice of doom here ...

No matter how well the OP does, it won't be good enough. And in time that will become reason enough for problems getting paid.

If OP was my child, I'd be advising to run a couple of kilometres pronto. At the very best they have got themselves in with a family with very off preconceptions. At the very worst they have got in with a family who have lied and are clearly trying to cut corners with their own childrens education. Neither is a scenario that ends well.

Some where along the way there’s been substantial misunderstanding and miscommunication

And unfortunately the consequences are significant - you moving country, and then presumable spending a lot of money getting you over.

Short of you picking up the language very very swiftly - this isn’t going to work.

You need to leave. Now rather than later after high drama

And learn from this. To do proper extensive research before making life altering decisions

Or you could ask for a second nanny, Italian to help whilst you learn.

Risk is - she speaks English Aswell and totally usurps you

As for learning the language discreetly

Op you are living there!!! Surely you want a life beyond this family whilst there?

They are quite a notable family in south America and Italy

Not notable enough to pay proper rates for proper staff though.

I see a lot of people give an advice but clearly most if then did not grow up bilingual or trilingual etc.

I am bilingual from early years and english is my 4th language which Iearmed as an adult.

We know live in uk. My 4yo is fully bilingual. We do not speak English to him at all. We send him to nursery 2 days a week at 2.5 with zero english. He started to understand english within 2 month and after 4 month started to talk in english. He is now talks english at the same level as other 4yo by going to nursery only 2 days a week.
We still only talk minority language with our boy.

With children that age OP you just ralk to them normaly as you would talk to any child and they will pick up the language very quickly. Just play with them show them things and name them. Read to them. Use loads of picture books, point and say words.

Preschoolers learn languages naturaly as babies learn. You don’t haveto teach them language. Just talk to them and they will learn.

Best of luck!

There are loads of good advice if you read up about bilingualism.

I wouldn’t give it a month. I’d cut my losses and say to the parents that you’d been led to believe the children were already using English and that a tutor may suit their needs better. You had the impression that you could use the opportunity to learn Italian however this is also something you’ve realised is a misunderstanding between you and therefore it’s better to stop now than form any bonds with the children and upset them further.

The Argentinian connection explains a bit more, they can get away with that attitude in Latam, probably forgot they were in Europe.

My cousin was briefly married to an Argentinian of Italian origin, her family were welcoming and very friendly but did have some unrealistic expectations when it came to staff (as in the poor cleaner who popped in 3 times a week).

OP what you do in your spare time is your business, get some Italian lessons then move on ASAP. Do not follow them to Argentina.

@MamuleMu

I see a lot of people give an advice but clearly most if then did not grow up bilingual or trilingual etc.

I am bilingual from early years and english is my 4th language which Iearmed as an adult.

We know live in uk. My 4yo is fully bilingual. We do not speak English to him at all. We send him to nursery 2 days a week at 2.5 with zero english. He started to understand english within 2 month and after 4 month started to talk in english. He is now talks english at the same level as other 4yo by going to nursery only 2 days a week.
We still only talk minority language with our boy.

With children that age OP you just ralk to them normaly as you would talk to any child and they will pick up the language very quickly. Just play with them show them things and name them. Read to them. Use loads of picture books, point and say words.

Preschoolers learn languages naturaly as babies learn. You don’t haveto teach them language. Just talk to them and they will learn.

Best of luck!

There are loads of good advice if you read up about bilingualism.

Very odd that you don’t see how very Different your scenario is from the OP and this family’s.

I see a lot of people give an advice but clearly most if then did not grow up bilingual or trilingual etc.

With respect, the least of the OPs worries is how to become an EAFL teacher overnight. They are much more serious than that.

The OP has been lied to (unless there is another word that covers "deliberately misled") about what role she is to play. Furthermore the parents have some very odd stipulations that cannot be explained in any innocent way.

At the end of the day the OP has to trust their instincts. But my advice - as someone who has dealt with a lot of Italians over the years - is to run, or at the very least, leave without notice. Because I am guessing that if the OP does mention their misgivings, the parents will try to get them to stay and it will be hard for the OP to say no.

I was in that exact position OP - I au paired in Germany for 10 weeks knowing incredibly little German and the kids knew no English. I was mainly looking after a 2-year-old although sometimes a 3 and 7-year-old too. I actually did bond with the 2-year-old - I learned some basic words which I knew I would need often such as words for "sleep", "snack", "play" etc so he would know what I was getting at if I was asking if he was tired or hungry. Most the time I just spoke to him in English as I would with a child here - he'd indicate in other ways if he wanted me to push him on the swing or if he wanted something and we did get on, he was very sweet.

I don't feel he really learnt much English from me in the end (although he possibly picked up more than I realised) - it was only 10 weeks and he was very young so I think there'll be only so much you can do in terms of teaching them English (depending how long you're there) but I do believe it's possible to form a good relationship like I did. Hope that helps!

Op have you any knowledge of PECS or Makaton? Not as a language replacement but as a language support. It'll help bridge the gap while the children and you settle in with each other.

I've worked with many young children who haven't spoken English at the start of our interaction. PECS and makaton helps remove frustration while promoting the wanted language. Read and sing with them lots, lots of simple sentences and repetition with key words. Think about how language builds naturally and try to follow that pattern. Good luck

There's definitely been a misunderstanding, 100%. I also think they didn't really know what they wanted, I have over 12 years of childcare experience (27 today!) In instruction, teaching, sole care, au pair/nannying and activities. However I'm not an English teacher, I'm willing to very much learn and try best - great experience for me - but there's only so much I can do.

That's why I'm doing it without their knowledge, I want to go see the cities on my weekends and it will definitely help!

It's just really knocking my confidence as the more tantrums, the more not understanding, it makes me feel it's my fault - which I know is not the case.

I'm not afraid to know what I can and can't do, and I'm confident enough to say when I'm in a situation that's not working for both parties.

@Chlojomojo

There's definitely been a misunderstanding, 100%. I also think they didn't really know what they wanted, I have over 12 years of childcare experience (27 today!) In instruction, teaching, sole care, au pair/nannying and activities. However I'm not an English teacher, I'm willing to very much learn and try best - great experience for me - but there's only so much I can do.

That's why I'm doing it without their knowledge, I want to go see the cities on my weekends and it will definitely help!

It's just really knocking my confidence as the more tantrums, the more not understanding, it makes me feel it's my fault - which I know is not the case.

I'm not afraid to know what I can and can't do, and I'm confident enough to say when I'm in a situation that's not working for both parties.

Teaching meaning not a qualified teacher, horse riding teacher/instructor