Why is it so difficult...?

[HappyDaddy]

Why is it so difficult to find a local childminder, who is available to do the nursery run and look after dd until dw or i get home?

All DW and I want to do is be able to work successfully. It seems impossible as ALL the childminders on the council list are a) not local b) not flexible (despite advertising as such) or c) clearly not interested in being childminders (so why advertise!?).

Our previous childminder goes to college in the evenings so no longer available, current childminder is wonderful but has fragile health.

Why is it so difficult?

I think it depends on what you offer, there are a lot of local firms here that do well offering support. You could do pc builds and give people the spec they want, or help with buying, fix problems etc lots of scope.

I don't think charging less is necessarily what the big companies do and win as the firm my dh works at is relatively small but has a number of good contracts. They aren't the cheapest either but they offer amazing support to their clients and dh always says he's amazed how crap the previous pc support has been before they took over places. Really bad.

There isn't an easy solution to your problem but I think there are only a few options for you and you just have to choose the best of a bad bunch at the moment.

Technically NannyL it would be both Happydaddy's and her problem.

She could be fined for providing unregistered care (usually given a warning first) however Happydaddy & his DW could be referred to SS for leaving their child with an unregistered carer. This of course is unlikey ever to happen but it is a potential consequence of unregistered care.

Why not find a childminder for the full day, 7:30 until 7pm and have DD attend her free sessions at nursery. That way you will have holiday care sorted for when she starts school (I always keep my existing mindees for holiday care & rarely take on new school age children)

I know that you have said that you don't want your dd to move from nursery - but if, in the long term, it is better for your family for you to work/study so your dw can step down a bit, couldn't you reconsider and think about moving her full-time to a childminder this year - a full-time child would be more likely to find a childminder place for the relevant hours and it is amazing how children can re-settle.
Hope you find a solution which works.

Can your DW not work during the day, when your DD is at nursery or something? She would have to pay much less tax, and none of the childcare costs that you are currently ratching up.

And she won't need nice clothes and sandwiches for work because she will just slob about at home all day

etc

And you might be able to benefit from child tax credit etc.

Have you actually sat and done the maths? How much of a shortfall would there be?

Morningpaper, I appreciate your help and advice but it's just not possible.

DW earns twice what I do, so the shortfall would mean that the mortgage and bills wouldn't get paid. Simple as that.

Is there a university near you? Students have changed since my day- far more focussed and serious now ime. I employ students to work with ds1 and have found them to be very reliable and mature.

I would speak to nursery. One of the nursery nurses may well do it for the extra cash and get a childminder for the morning. Most nursery nurses do babysitting. Is the nursery close to your house. You might get them to take your dd home Alternatively, look at another nursery with better hours.

ds nursery hours were 6.50am to 7pm. he wasn't there all that time but it worked with my shifts. That nursery isn't a million miles from Rochester either!

goodness me
how very arguementative(sp) HAPPYDADDY is i think he should change his nickname

If neither of you wants to change jobs then maybe downsize so she can afford to stay at home as she wants to. If it means that much to her then it's an option.

Jodie, as I've already said DW wants to change jobs. We only moved into this house 6 weeks or so ago, we moved from a shitty road with drug dealing on the corner and neighbours having stuff thrown randomly through windows. We refuse to go back to that.

I've applied to a couple of local jobs. I'll hate it, but I have no choice.

I do agree with jodie - if that is really important to your DW; you say she feels she's not had the chance to be the mum she wanted to be....childhood is very short and your dw won't get this opportunity again.

i can heartily recommend downsizing. We did it so that I could stay at home with ds when he was pre-school age; well, all but two days a week which was as good as we could get.

We moved area, we downsized to a small two bed terrace; best decision we ever made.

Seriously worth considering.

maybe it doesn't HAVE to be back to the rough area? Think laterally? A two bed flat in a nicer area could be a possibility?

Or move away from that area more completely, look for jobs in surrey, hampshire, dorset; we're in Hampshire and a small two bed house in our small town (by the sea) can be got for about £165k.

i just hate to think that jobs and money are dictating your life rather than the other way around. There HAS to be a way for you to take charge; it just depends what you are willing to change.

We moved from London, 4 years ago, to get more for our money. We only just moved from a small terrace, last month. We've both worked too long and too hard, getting out of massive debt to where we are now. It's not like we're trying to maintain a mansion, it's just a semi on a normal street.

Is it really that much to ask that we actually have things that we enjoy in our life, as well as sacrificing so much as we already have?

Well, it depends on your priorities. Mine was being with my child. the rest could go hang. House; we'll get a bigger one when ds is older, if we're lucky. Career...well, I'm working hard to pick that up and the pre-school years are such a tiny part of my over-all working life.

i think it's time to count your blessings. For some of us, well it IS too much to ask that we're blessed with a stunning, fantastic child AND get where we want to be on the career ladder and get to give up jobs we hate. DH and I are brassic and overdrawn and DH doesn't have the option to re-train because we rely on him to bring in the dosh and I don't get to give up my job which makes me shake with rage and upset some days. But we've got our ds, and in just a very, very few short years he'll be more independent and we;ll be able to do some of that other stuff.

Fine, I'll tell DW she can chuck her job in then. We can spend all the time we want with dd when the house is reposessed due to the negative equity and all of the bills bouncing.

I'm not playing keeping up with any joneses, shoot me for wanting a decent house in a quiet street, with a garden to enjoy. It's not like we have holidays or even nights out together. But hey, I'm being selfish, I realise that now.

happy daddy as a childminder i would find these hours difficult unless you could alter them slightly
eg: child arrives 7.30
drop off @ nursery 9.15 (after school/pre runs)
pick up from nursery 3.30-4(after school runs)
child picked up 7pm
that would suit most child minders better because they also feed their mindees and have to consider all the different drop off/pick up times.
So don't give up try again the nursery wont mind what time they arrive or get collected.

I think you should get off here and talk to DW! You need to sort this together rather than with a bunch of ol' bags on the net!

No good getting angry on here; use that energy to come up with some ideas/a decision.

good luck.

We can't give you the answers, only you can do that and you really know your options now. Maybe it's not ideal for you but lots of people do it, it's just the way it goes when you have children. Sacrifices have to be made whether you like them or not.

What's the most important thing for you both? Work back from there.

I think your options are this:

Reduce nursery hours as has laready been suggested so cm could fit in drop off/pick ups

Maybe send dd to cm 3 whole days and nursery 2 days then cm might be happy to pick up on other days

Chuck in the London job and work locally - which you say isnt an option

Advertiswe for nannyshare or a mothers help or part time nanny

But you have to decide together what is most important at the moment for you we can all give our opinions but as we dont know you we just advise on info given, which can be inaccurate. Whatever you decide you will always find it hard, childcare and work isnt an easy combo, but its not forever and sometimes small sacrifices now give big benefits in the future. Best of luck with it hope you figure something out for everyones sake as you and your dw are obviously unhppy at the mo. Sorry this is so long

HD I know 2 couples who had a similar problem to yours. 1 couple solved it by doing staggered work hours (1 did early start, 1 did late start) and the other couple paid a nurse from their DS's nursery to take him home with her, although it wasn't every day.

There are quite a few nanny share websites out there. Also I think there's a topic somewhere on MN for parents offering/seeking nanny shares.

Hope you find a solution...

Just got home, skimmed the messages so sorry if this option has already been suggested.

What I think you need HD is a student. College hours are often 10-4 give or take (at least they were in my student days). Are you near any colleges / uni? May be worth posting an advert there to see if you can recruit someone for the year. They would essentially be a nanny, but would only be working the hours required to take/collect your DD from nursery, so keeps cost low. Student has some income that fits around college hours, you get childcare - win, win situation. Finding the ideal candidate is another matter of course.

I used to work in IT support, got out of that quite some time ago now. Doubt I could ever return to that, now that I work in childcare.

When i was at uni as a student our lecture hours were 9am - 5.30 nick!

HD, I've come back to this thread mainly to sympathise. And to say that please don't despair; many of us do manage to combine interesting, fulfilling (and decently paid) jobs with children (although that is, of course, with a lot of provisos - most importantly that special needs skew that immediately). We don't Have It All, but we have a deal that, most of the time, works.

Have to take Inferiorettes to doctor's (this is my day off, having shunted DD1's poorliness onto today, ahem ) but will be back later.

HappyDaddy - much sympathy to you. And I don't think you should have to give up your hard earned house! But - because you have chosen to live so far out of London, but work in London, you have sort of created your own problem.

What you're experiencing - and why you're getting some twitchy answers here - is what most women have had to deal with for years. You are (as I'm sure you know!) relatively unusual in being a SAHD. The majority of women do have to make compromises when it comes to looking after their children, and many do so in terms of their job/career and/or their homes.

For you, the best solution IMHO would seem to be staggering your work hours slightly so that one of you can do the morning and one of you can do the evening - is there no way that this can be achieved? Have you talked to your employers about this? You would still be doing the same hours, just in different parts of the day - i.e. 10-6/8-4 rather than 9-5.

I'm not trying to have it all, we can't afford to live in London but similarly, there is a shortage of work locally.

I've applied for a couple of jobs locally, to solve the short term problem.

Thank you all, very much, for your opinions and advice, you have all been very helpful.

I've been off sick, this week, and have also lost a good friend, last weekend. I now have to give my boss the good news that I'll need Tuesday off for the funeral.