Why is it so difficult...?

[HappyDaddy]

Why is it so difficult to find a local childminder, who is available to do the nursery run and look after dd until dw or i get home?

All DW and I want to do is be able to work successfully. It seems impossible as ALL the childminders on the council list are a) not local b) not flexible (despite advertising as such) or c) clearly not interested in being childminders (so why advertise!?).

Our previous childminder goes to college in the evenings so no longer available, current childminder is wonderful but has fragile health.

Why is it so difficult?

Well, having read this thread again, it appears that I AM being unreasonable in my requirements.

Not to mention, harming dd, according to Pillock. .

What I would do in this situation is look for a nanny or nannyshare. At the moment you're looking for your dd to:

leave home at 7amish, dropped at carer's.
Spend time there, carer then takes to nursery, spend time there, carer then picks up, spend time there, then parents pick up in time to go to bed ready to do it all again the next day.

I just think that's far from ideal for her and is asking alot; the benefits of being settled at nursery MUST be outweighed by that amount of carting around and change of carers.

If you were to find a nanny share, your dd gets that 'substitute parent' figure and also some contact with other children each day.

For me the calm and warmth of having a nanny style carer, just the one, would so outweigh any positives of having the other kids at nursery.

HD it sounds like you are getting a bit of a hammering on here. I just want to say (but am not in your area sorry) that I do exactly what you are looking for. I have children dropped off at 7am then take them to school. Pick them up at lunchtime or end of day and have them til parents come home at 6.30-7pm. And full time in hols. Its not unusual at all. The kids are very happy, settled and sorted.
I really hope you find someone.

Unfortunately, £350 a week for a nanny is not affordable for me at all.

Thanks flowertot. I might move to your area!

Are my options REALLY limited to, full time nanny costing about £14k a year or give up work and get something less regular and, frankly, crap locally?

but if you find a nanny share then the costs could be potentially halved?

How does a nannyshare work?

HD, it shouldn't be so difficult - you are right. The CMs shouldn't be advertising the hours if they have no intention of doing them.

My dd is in f/t nursery - only I am lucky, in that I can take her myself and the nursery is 2 minutes from where I work. Many of my colleagues have similar arrangements to HD, with CMs or grandparents doing the nursery drop-offs and pick-ups.

I really disagree that this is an unusual situation or that it is harmful for children.

I don't think it's helpful for everyone to go 'you need a nanny'. I can afford nursery fees, but no way could I afford a nanny. And dh and I both work f/t.

Hope you get someone soon, HD.

Hum, can understand your frustration. But can also understand from a cm point of view that you're presumably going to be paying for 3.5 hours ... and taking up a space that could be full time child (8 hrs).
From their pov, you're probably not a great bet financially
IME, what childminders really want is full time children - not surprisingly really, but a PITA if you want to continue with nursery care I agree.

(Oh, and btw, my c/m charges for the time period that my ds is at nursery school, as she's officially on call over that time/can't fill the space...)

I think it can either be that a nanny spends half the week with one family then half the week with another (not suitable in your case, obviously) OR that a nanny looks after the children of two local families at once, potentially suitable as you have the one dd only; maybe another local family with one child might hook up with you and you each pay half the nanny's costs.

that's the theory, anyway; possibly not easy to find but I'd at least give it a go if it was me.

he's asked for opinions and his circumstances suit a nanny or nanny share perfectly!

The cost of full time nursery + childminder cannot be that far off the cost of a nanny, especially if shared (which potentially halves the cost!).

It's only for a year anyway, if you've sorted out this deal with friend in the road for next year.

funnypeculiar, i completely understand a CM's point of view. But in my area lots DO advertise those hours but also say "charge by half hour if only part time wanted" and "available for nursery / school runs only if required". Then grumble when I've called them.

CM's are wonderful, by and large, I just seem to live in Miseryland!

To be honest, if I could get the work locally I'd happily do it. I really miss doing the nursery run with dd. Unfortunately, the role I do seems to fall between two categories. Local companies are phasing it out, as it's expensive, but big firms in London still value the face to face aspect of my work. Until I can get the qualifications I need, I can't move upwards and, therefore, can't look for that work locally.

HappyDaddy, no solutions but I just wanted to send some sympathy your way.
I live in London, and foolishly I assumed that as most people I know have a commute of around an hour, that most nurseries would be open longer that 8.15-5.30pm.
How wrong I was! We have ended up with a choice of 1 nursery, which is not as good as some that I've seen, but good enough. This is still better than we thought - at one point it looked like DD was going to have to commute to work with me to go to a nursery local to my office . This is not about me pursuing my career, but needing to work a crappy 9-5 3 days each week to pay the mortgage on a crappy flat in a crappy area.

rant over!

Cheers ImBarryScott.

The most annoying thing is that all of this is only for a year or so, anyway. DW has built up a very good career but is now completely sick of it and wants to jack it all in. She wants to spend more time with dd and not have the stress of the job she has now. Sadly, this is impossible until I can earn the same or more than she is now. That is definately possible, once I get qualified and can get into what I want. In the meantime, it leaves us in this limbo situation which suits no one.

Sorry for my many replies, I'm ranting aloud.

Fair enough, HD - in that case they ABU!

what do you do HD?

Tbh, I think you're lucky to have someone for the school year next year!

I have found the juggling required for school age children far harder than the nursery years when it all seemed so simple.

Things like assemblies, clubs, performances when they want you there, tummy bugs in the middle of the day, inset days, early finishing etc. etc. all play havoc with carefully laid plans!

hope you find someone soon - perhaps it's a bad time to be looking too with vacancies just filled for the new school year.

ps - just noticed you live in Rochester! Can't say I miss Medway much, having been born and (b)raised on the Warren Wood estate.

That was the other thing I was going to suggest; a nursery near your or dw's workplace....dd's school is near our workplace, as is the cm, so dd travels with me or dh (sometimes we all travel together) and gets dropped at cm who does school run. I pick her up from school when i can- usually once a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. Could that arrangement work?

Warren wood school is near dds nursery, ImBarryScott.

I do 2nd line IT support, essentially visiting the users and solving their IT problems. I love the face to face interaction. Unfortunately, local firms are moving to 1st line helpdesk using remote tools to solve problems, or 3rd line back office support. I'm stuck in the middle at the moment, need the qualifications to show my knowledge is current as they take one look at my SAHD time and assume I forgot the 10 years previous experience I had GRRRRR.

tissy, apart from the extortionate costs, we'd have to drag dd on the hour long train commute. I feel bad that I have to suffer that, let alone poor dd.

this may not be a helpful comment but there is NO WAY you could get a nanny for £14k.... think of doubling that figure...

which i suppose IF a nanny share could be just about halved back ti that figure!

Would an au pair suit you? Given that you only want basically school runs and a couple of hours care im sure many au pairs would be quite capable of doing the above for a 3 /4 year old...

and a bit of hosue work during the day which must be a bonus if you both work such long hours + some time off for herself and studying!

For nannyshare info try www.nannyshare.co.uk or www.thenannysharers.co.uk. And ask everyone you know! It's not easy to find someone to share with but it does give you access to childcare at the hours which suit you which is affordable.
We shared our nanny when children were school/pre-school age (and I work part-time) - If you can find someone who mainly wants care for the middle of the day ( eg for a baby/toddler) then nanny will not have a lot of overlap with both children.

How does an au pair work, then?

I think I'll advertise at the nursery, maybe one of the parents that I already know will fancy earning a few quid doing the drop off and pick up.

Your dw wouldn't consider giving up her f/t work and doing sahm - or maybe combining it with childminding? sounds like a gap in the market in your neck of the woods. And if it's only for a year....?
Surely dropping a salary - but reducing childcare costs and commuting costs would even out?