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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Childminder and breastfeeding

101 replies

LowCarbHeaven · 06/02/2020 20:52

My son is 9 months old and started with his childminder 3 days ago. He is a breastfed baby but I supplied expressed milk and sippy cup and lots of food as he is a good eater. On day one the childminder said he was settled but didn't take much milk from the sippy cup and wanted a bottle. I was reluctant to send a bottle as he had never had one but always used a sippy cup. Day two she said he was unsettled and when I picked him up she said she thinks I am going to have to stop breastfeeding as he is looking for a breast for comfort. She insisted on a bottle so I provided one for day three. Then day three she said he was settled for half the day but not the second half. She said that he isn't settling as he is looking for breast for comfort and the only way for this to work is if I stop breastfeeding immediately as he is upsetting the other mindees and her own children. She said normally people stop breastfeeding a month or two before putting there children to childminders. I have no idea where to go from here as I really don't want to stop breastfeeding but I have no more tools to provide the childminder to help. Any advice?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

juniperlily · 08/02/2020 06:02

When my 9 month old dd was settling into childminder I did a settling in over 2 weeks, gradually building from 30 mins to 4 hours in 4 sessions before attempting a full day- did you only do one short settling in session before 4 consecutive long days?

The childminder sounds a bit rubbish really. Absolutely do not stop breastfeeding. I would give things a further 2 weeks and unless she has stopped nagging about BFing/started being positive about D.C/you feel comfortable then serve notice and look for a nursery.

Childminder relationships just don't work when you don't have absolute trust in them, and a shared mutual understanding of situations, and I fear that you will have lost faith in her now.

Pippinsqueak · 08/02/2020 06:13

Ignore her and carry on doing what you want! You want to boob, then boob day or night!

My daughter never took to the bottle, she went to a child minders at 9 months, she eats and drinks water. She was fine without the boob, sure she got fussy and wanted the comfort of boob when she was tired but the child minder dealt with it, it's what you pay them for. My little one would cluster feed in the evening and at night so don't night wean. They don't recommend it until 18 months anyway.

My little one has been at childminders for five months now. She has just learned three days a week she doesn't have boob, no issues with her weight etc.

Pippinsqueak · 08/02/2020 06:16

Also it's really hard being a first time mum, I listen to too much "advice" and got myself in a state. This woman sounds awful. She has no right to tell you what to do. I'm sorry you have had to go through this. What ever your instincts are, they're correct :)

PickleBottomNo3sMum · 08/02/2020 06:40

The CM shouldn’t have suggested that you stop breast feeding however I do think you should have already dropped/replaced daytime feeds with the sippy cup or whatever he prefers well before he started with her. Babies like routine, you can’t honestly expect him to chop and change between breast and skippy cup!

Original poster

LowCarbHeaven · 08/02/2020 06:54

Pickle, you haven't read my thread as I have already discussed that so your comment isn't relevant to my actual situation. He changes between breast and a sippy cup just fine as do a lot of babies once they have started weaning.

I know that is my dilemma, whether to give it another week or two as see if her understanding of his cues improves. Or whether to change to a nursery before he settles incase this carries on. I actually think he is doing amazing, 2 settled days in the first 4 seems really good to me!

OP posts:

SunshineCake · 08/02/2020 08:06

Again, her reputation is irrelevant as she isn't good for you or your baby.

Starlight456 · 08/02/2020 08:26

As a cm I would find another or nursery . I have had a mix of bf and bottles.

9 months is a tricky time however it sounds like normal settling in . Trickiest time is if they are fed to sleep.

I would message and inform her you won’t be stopping breeding until you feel the time is right and don’t plan to discuss it with her.

The bf children here may initially go rooting but just distract and say you won’t find anything there.

I would never consider telling a breastfeeding mum to stop especially as seems to be eating well.

I suspect if she even did bf only did so for a few months tops

Cornettoninja · 08/02/2020 08:35

@PickleBottomNo3sMum loads of BF babies cope without BF when mum isn’t there during the day. The time for preparation (If that’s what OP had wanted to do) has passed now so it’s irrelevant.

There’s no need for OP to drastically change his routine when he’s with her and I’d argue that wouldn’t help things at all right now. He’s already making one big adjustment to his routine I would be inclined to keep the status quo whilst with me for security and reassure.

I BF till just before 3 working three days a week from 9 months and it was fine. The problem here lies with the CM, she seems to be completely ignorant to the fact she needs to find her own way to comfort the baby in her care. Regardless of BF its not unexpected for a baby or child to take time to settle and build a relationship. Unless she’s some sort of baby whisperer she should be expecting to persevere until the dc trusts her and is comforted by her not blaming BFing for her shortcomings.

NameChange30 · 08/02/2020 09:11

One settling in session of 1.5 hours isn't enough.
Before DS started nursery, he did a lot of settling in sessions:
1 hour with me
1 hour without me
2 hours
3 hours
4 hours
5 hours
And then started properly doing full days.
They didn't charge us for the settling in either.

"We do have one nursery that we liked but I prefer childminder setting. I used a childminder for my older boy for 5 years with no problems at all, she was great."
This one isn't great though is she?
I do think you need to revisit the nursery, ask lots of questions and seriously consider moving him there.

EL0ISE · 08/02/2020 09:12

I’m really surprised that a person without medical qualifications is giving advice that contradicts your doctor and HV. Surely Cm have a code of conduct that precludes this ?

The benefits of Bf are dose related. Stopped BF early therefore is a risk to you and your child, as you are both getting fewer of these benefits.

Pippinsqueak · 08/02/2020 09:44

My childminder would cuddle my daughter to sleep or put her in a pram with a rocker on to get her to nap but now my daughter just powers on through 8 hours with possibly only a 20 min nap. Unless we are in the car or in the pram she has always been fed to sleep so it shouldn't be a problem, your childminder just needs to work out what's best for your baby.

I agree with other posters this is a childminder problem not a problem you have/"created".

Original poster

LowCarbHeaven · 08/02/2020 12:02

For some reason that seems to be the norm around here. One nursery offers 2 X 1 hour settling in sessions and the other offers 2.5 hours in one session. We don't have a big choice of childcare around here.

My dilemma is whether to leave him there another week to see how things go but run the risk that it might not improve and he will then be more unsettled moving somewhere new.

Or move him to a nursery next week, I have visited them already so I could organise that fairly quickly.

OP posts:

BedraggledBlitz · 08/02/2020 12:26

I'd move him now cos she doesn't seem to be on the same page at all.

Starlight456 · 08/02/2020 13:44

I have very occasionally turned down parents who i thy we think so differently together we wouldn’t work well but I never tell a parent how to parent.

I would actually have a conversation with her . If she isn’t accepting then move .

I would also add I have seen some glowing recommendations for a cm recently but all I have known and seen I wouldn’t recommend them to anyone.

mymadworld · 09/02/2020 22:27

If you're otherwise happy with her care and don't plan on leaving, I think you just need to be very clear and firm - you are NOT stopping bf'ing there is absolutely no need if he's feeding and eating well. He can clearly go without if your DH cares for him so you need to ask that you please work together to help him settle.

Helendee · 10/02/2020 08:46

I don’t agree with your CM but I do think you should have prepared your little one more for childcare.
If you know that he relies on the breast for comfort he’s obviously going to miss it when he’s apart from you for several hours. You wouldn’t deliberately not give a child’s dummy to the carer if he/she used one at home.
Personally I would try to replicate the new daily routine at home for your little one’s sake.

NameChange30 · 10/02/2020 10:44

Absolute nonsense.
No need to stop breastfeeding just because a child is due to start in childcare.
My son breastfed with me and adapted fine to being looked after by DH or at nursery.

Cotswoldmama · 10/02/2020 10:57

I returned to work at 6 months part time all day hours in a Monday and Wednesday and then a Saturday morning. My son breastfed until he was 3, he was at nursery all the times I was working or with my husband on the Saturday. She's ridiculous! I would try looking elsewhere if that's her attitude.

eltonjohnfan61 · 13/02/2020 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Rosehassometoes · 22/02/2020 13:17

I could have written this. Went with a nursery and my DD soon settled. I’d move your child ASAP.

Lalapurple · 22/02/2020 13:27

That's awful - I would definitely move him - completely ridiculous to suggest you give up breastfeeding. He is probably unsettled by being with an unfamiliar person/situation nothing to do with milk!

I know someone whose baby wouldn't settle for a childminder (or any childcare) and he was formula fed. I think this idea that you must force breastfed babies to take a bottle so they can be independent is very damaging and wrong as I don't think the food is the issue.

TinyTornado · 25/02/2020 17:37

I’d be finding someone else. My childminder has always been very supportive of breastfeeding and it’s never caused any issues. He’s been going since 5 months and she’s always accommodated it - even down to lunch break feeds for the first few weeks.

Lazydaisydaydream · 25/02/2020 17:45

I'm sorry to be blunt but she's being a butch.

Yes your son will need to learn to find comfort in other ways.... But you don't need to stop breastfeeding him to do that. Babies learn that they can find comfort from different people in different ways. SHE needs to put the work in HERSELF to find ways to comfort him, not rely on you stopping feeding him and finding some magical other solution for her

I would feel very uncomfortable about leaving my baby with this Woman, no matter how good her reputation.

Lazydaisydaydream · 25/02/2020 17:48

Sorry to double post but I honestly can't believe how pushy she is being. She sounds very one minded and I would worry about what else she might refuse to back down over. You are paying her for her services, she should be accommodating you and your child's needs not the other way around.

I would definitely move him to nursery immediately. If you leave him there I guarantee there will be other issues in the future.

Purpleartichoke · 25/02/2020 17:50

Your childminder is not qualified for the job. Supporting breastfeeding mothers is a basic job skill.

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