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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Childminder and breastfeeding

101 replies

LowCarbHeaven · 06/02/2020 20:52

My son is 9 months old and started with his childminder 3 days ago. He is a breastfed baby but I supplied expressed milk and sippy cup and lots of food as he is a good eater. On day one the childminder said he was settled but didn't take much milk from the sippy cup and wanted a bottle. I was reluctant to send a bottle as he had never had one but always used a sippy cup. Day two she said he was unsettled and when I picked him up she said she thinks I am going to have to stop breastfeeding as he is looking for a breast for comfort. She insisted on a bottle so I provided one for day three. Then day three she said he was settled for half the day but not the second half. She said that he isn't settling as he is looking for breast for comfort and the only way for this to work is if I stop breastfeeding immediately as he is upsetting the other mindees and her own children. She said normally people stop breastfeeding a month or two before putting there children to childminders. I have no idea where to go from here as I really don't want to stop breastfeeding but I have no more tools to provide the childminder to help. Any advice?

OP posts:

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BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 06/02/2020 20:54

Well she is being unreasonable in suggesting you stop BFing.

How does your little one settle without you usually with others? Does he take from a cup when left with his dad/family etc?

mynameisMrG · 06/02/2020 20:54

Yes, find another child minder

DC3dilemma · 06/02/2020 20:57

Find another childminder. She is looking for things that are convenient and “known” to her rather than prioritising your plans and your child.

I’ve breast fed 3 (still breast feeding my 17 month old). They’ve always managed with feeding morning, after work/on pick up and bedtime with no issues during the day when I’ve returned to work.

bobstersmum · 06/02/2020 21:02

Find another childminder. She is out of order even suggesting you stop bf!

partysong · 06/02/2020 21:08

Yep, find a new one. I was so worried that I hadn't stopped BF when DS went to childminders at 10 months. Childminder made it so it wasn't a problem at all and let me tell you that DS never ate food and was/is obsessed with the breast. In fact, it's been so little of an issue that I'm still BF him and he recently turned 3

mummymummymummummum · 06/02/2020 21:08

New childminder. Both my girls started childcare at 9 months old whilst breastfeeding. The eldest weaned at 2.5 years. Youngest is still breastfeeding at 11 months. The childcare settings were/are very supportive.

mummymummymummummum · 06/02/2020 21:09

Oh, and they were/are in childcare 10 hours a day. Eldest 5 days a week; youngest 4 days.

WeShouldBeFriends · 06/02/2020 21:11

Wow that's outrageous! Agree you're going to need to find someone else.

QueenOfCatan · 06/02/2020 21:15

Agree with the others, new minder! I know minders who said similar, it's bullshit, they just can't be arsed to deal with children who are struggling to settle and are looking for ways to make it easier for them.

Mixingitall · 06/02/2020 21:17

Is the issue that the baby isn’t settling to sleep without comfort? Therefore she needs an easy way to either to feed him to sleep. Perhaps breast milk in a bottle or a dummy may help. She may have issues reheating/handling your breast milk.

No one likes to see an unsettled baby BUT it is outrageous to suggest you stop breast feeding.

At 9months is baby on 3 meals and only having a feed there at 3pm after nap time? How do you normally get baby to nap?

BedraggledBlitz · 06/02/2020 21:19

She is the problem, not your breastfeeding. Find someone who respects your decisions and doesn't rely on a bottle to pacify their charges.

BertieBotts · 06/02/2020 21:21

Sounds like she has weird issues about breastfeeding! Not all childminders are like this.

FlaskMaster · 06/02/2020 21:26

I bf'd two of my kids until 2yo while they were in nursery before 1yo - full time for a lot of that too. It's not an issue, even though dd did ask the nursery staff for bf a couple of times (she signed it). They just cuddled or distracted her and she picked up in no time that she didn't get bf there. If he's looking for comfort she needs to pick him up and carry him around.

Charis1503 · 06/02/2020 21:30

Defo find a new childminder...

However... just playing advocate.... my sister breastfeeds her son at the drop of the hat (, he is age 2+) and it is very clearly his primary source of comfort. He is ABSOLUTLY misersble when looked after by anyone else and cries for hours. Its awful for him and awful for my mum. He hasnt developed any self soothing and its clearly an issue for him.

Only you know the feeding relationship you have with him and whether there is an element of truth in what your minder is telling you( ie he is miserable and looking for boob all day) i mean still ditch her coz she sounds like a nob.

What is so wrong with a bottle if it offers him the 'suckling' he is after for comfort? Could you introduce a dummy? Why not offer him a bottle of expressed say once a day throughout the week so its more familiar?

Whilst its kinda inexcusable to tell a woman to stop breastfeeding. Its also slightly unrealistic to expect an exclusivly breastfed baby to go cold turkey on certain days when they will have no understanding of why.

Assuming that you swop childcare providers... you may still need to tackle the issue of using boob for comfort and introduce a bottle to ensure that your little one is happy and settled at nursery.

eyemask · 06/02/2020 21:31

New minder, he just needs distracting when he wants a bf. As pp said he'll soon pick up that he doesn't get a bf when he's away from you.

DesLynamsMoustache · 06/02/2020 21:32

It's also only been three days! Of course he is going to be unsettled. It's a big adjustment. I think you do need to find a new childminder.

Original poster

LowCarbHeaven · 06/02/2020 21:45

Thank you for the replies. Just to clarify I have provided her a bottle today. She said he is eating really well, took some breast milk in the bottle but not much. She said he was very unsettled yesterday but today he was settled until 3pm and then got upset. I am sending him in with his 3 meals a day, bottle, milk and sippy cup so I am not sure what else I can do to provide him with comfort. He had never had a dummy as he was never interested in one. The issue she has is she feels he has no way to comfort himself without the boob but I don't know how to change that. She is saying I need to go cold turkey with bf so he learns to take comfort from a bottle or it won't work. There are no childminders around with spaces, only nurseries but I feel so anxious dropping him there tomorrow. It is only his first week going so it feels quite stressful already!

OP posts:

FinallyGotAnIPhone · 06/02/2020 21:47

My son is 9.5 months old and I’ve managed to stop breastfeeding in the day now. I now only feed him morning and evening. He won’t take much milk from a cup and I abandoned the bottle months ago as he just wouldn’t take it. He therefore hardly has any milk now in the day. I make sure he has a snack now (usually a yoghurt and a rusk) when he wakes from his lunchtime nap.

Could you try suggesting this to the childminder?

Teddyreddy · 06/02/2020 21:58

Does he have a comforter? We sent both DC1 and DC2 to nursery with a comforter. They had been given it before starting but weren't attached to it - they rapidly attached to it after starting. I kept breastfeeding them at home no problem.

Nursery were really good at getting DC used to other ways of settling, they made it clear they have a whole range of different things they can try (cuddling them, rocking them, patting them, pushchair etc). I got the sense that most new babies had to be taught a new way of settling. If your childminder can't cope with teaching your DC to settle maybe you should look at a nursery with a baby room where they will be used to doing just that?

Original poster

LowCarbHeaven · 06/02/2020 22:01

The childminder actually says he eats his meals really well and he is napping well. The issue is he is unsettled as he is looking for boob for comfort (probably because its a new environment and he is unsure, not because he is hungry or tired as he is eating and sleeping well). To be honest I was a bit shocked as today she text me pictures and said he was really settled and out at soft play and he looked really happy. Then when I picked him up she was back to the he's making the other children upset and my own children etc. The whole situation feels quite horrible as it feels like she is saying she won't childmind him if I don't stop bf to get him onto bottles better.

OP posts:

mizzles · 06/02/2020 22:05

You say that you don't know how to change the fact that he can only get comfort from breastfeeding. There is something you can do, though, which is offering him comfort by doing other things, so that he gets used to something the childminder can replicate. E.g. try giving him the same soft toy, reading him a book, singing a particular song, etc, rather than feeding him, if he is distressed rather than hungry. He probably won't be happy about it but it might help him settle with the childminder in the long run. She shouldn't have told you to stop bf altogether, but you do owe it to him to try to make the transition easier rather than leaving it for the childminder to sort out.

Original poster

LowCarbHeaven · 06/02/2020 22:16

He does have other methods that settle him at home like the baby sensory hello song, he takes a teddy and a blanket from home with him too each morning but he isn't particularly attached to them yet. At home, he spends days with my husband where he doesn't breastfeed so i didn't think it would be such an issue with the childminder as he isn't used to having it available 24/7. She's just focused on breastfeeding being the issue, so I find it hard to get a clear idea from her what else I could try with him at home to help as I am willing to try anything. The other thing that is confusing is that she says he is napping well twice a day for 1 hour +, eating really well so a lot of what she describes is a settled baby. It sounds like he just has waves of remembering about the boob and looks for it which is disturbing her kids and the other mindees.

OP posts:

SMaCM · 06/02/2020 22:42

I have never asked a parent to stop breastfeeding. Sometimes children take a while to settle and take milk from a new person, but this has nothing to do with breastfeeding.

museumum · 06/02/2020 22:47

My breast fed son went to nursery at six months and was fine. He never took a bottle just a cup and food and nursery we’re fine with that. I would not be starting bottles at 9 mo just for your childminder. They’re supposed to stop bottles at 12 mo anyway!
If I were you I’d be looking for a nursery place and giving notice.

SlB09 · 06/02/2020 23:03

It's only been three days!!!! He's bound to be a little unsettled bless him, whether he has other soothing techniques or not - he's 9months old!! He's your child and you parent the way you want to, as a childminder/nursery worker etc you have to respect this even though it might not necessarily be what you would do.
My son has gone to a childminder since he was 10months old and she made it very clear she was happy to store and give breast milk (he was drinking formula by then). I assume any decent childminder would do the same and have more techniques/experience/training to be able to work through a new child starting and settling in and supporting the other children with this too. If this is an issue for her then she should have explained this to you from the get go and you could have made a choice.
Surely he will be more unsettled for longer if everything else starts changing too like using a bottle, dummy etc which he's never had rather than sticking with the familiar and just supporting him through settling in. I would be quite upset with this personally.

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