Au Pair Grandfather dying

[kazzakon]

My au Pair has been with us about 4 months. Very sadly her Grandfather is ill in hospital and will likely pass away over next few days. She has asked can she go home for 2-3 weeks to be with her family at this sad time and then be there for the funeral (4 day mourning period). My husband and I have been very sympathetic but gently suggested she go to say goodbye (3 day round trip, which will conincide with a couple of her non working days), and then come back to our house and resume her childcare duties, before returning home for the 4 day period (5 day round trip). We will have to take time off from work to cover childcare when she goes to say goodbye, and then again when she returns for the funeral. We think this is fair but she is adamant that she needs to be with her family for at least 2 weeks to support them in funeral planning etc, and wants to leave tomorrow. REalistically, this may be closer to 3 weeks and regardless would leave us with a very big childcare problem. My husband and I are both in 'crunch busy' periods at the moment, we have no family nearby and I am loathe to arrange emergency childcare for my 3, 7 and 8 year olds as find such arrangements are unsettling and stressful for all. If she is gone for 3 days then back for a week or so before going for 5 days that will be somewhat easier but still prove challenging.

Our au pair is from a very close family, it is her fathers dad, it has been a short illness and is very sad and whilst we feel for her and her family, she will not be directly responsible for organising the funeral and I feel her request is unreasonable. The flight cost is not an issue, we are happy to help her with that, especially on the basis she will be making two return journeys. I feel we are being accommodating and sympathetic but no reasonable employer would grant such a long time off for a grandparents death? Her contract refers to compassionate leave being discretionary. Would appreciate any views? Am I being unfair in asking her to come back to work between saying goodbye (three days off) and the funeral (likely to be at least a week later)?

If you say that to her, surely you can see that she would not just come back.

Being an au pair is not a job. She is not your employee. It is a language exchange with pocket money. And she could very easily get another au pair position.

If you said that to me, I would simply not come back

The reality is, I'm afraid this is a no win situation for you. As the saying goes, damned if you do, damned if you don't.
I have found that many au pairs have very strong bonds with grand-parents and as such, a few days is unlikely to be enough. If she feels she needs 2-3 weeks for family healing time, then I would recommend that you give it to her. You may find that even this is not enough; Young adults haven't had the time or experience to master their emotions especially when it comes to loss. Either way it's quite possible, the emotional bridge may be too far to cross and she may put a stop to her au pairing regardless of what you do. The best you can do is show her compassion befitting that of someone who has lost a close family member.