Am I being overly anxious about hazards at CM’s house?

[YorkMum85]

I’d really love some opinions on this as I’m struggling. I am an anxious person anyway and am trying not to let it interfere with daily life, so sometimes it’s hard for me to see when I’m overreacting!

Daughter has recently turned 2 and has just started with a new childminder. She’s absolutely lovely and I think we’ll all work well together except for the issue of safety, or my perception of it at least.

There are a few large trees in the CM garden which shed small pine cones and conkers, and I’ve noticed that these don’t get cleared up that regularly, they are there for my DD to pick up (which she does). Unless the CM is on her every second of the day, I don’t understand how she can be sure this doesn’t pose a choking risk. I know it’s all part of Autumn and nature, so I’m not sure if I’m making too much fuss to expect them to be swept away every morning.

Secondly, the stair-gate has been left open twice when I’ve been there, and one time we couldn’t see my DD after she had headed in that direction, so she may well have been climbing the stairs (she wasn’t). She’s not confident on stairs yet at all and I’ve never left her near any without a stair-gate on.

I’ve mentioned these concerns twice to my CM and she’s been very kind and understanding, but the debris is still in the garden, and the stair-gate was still open when I went round this morning! Am I being over the top here? I know DD has to learn about hazards eventually, but this feels a bit too risky at such a young age..l

Any advice or experience you have on this matter is gratefully received!

Thanks for all your opinions, I really do appreciate it.

From speaking to various people on here and in RL, it seems there is no one consensus on whether I as the parent am in charge at a settling session, or the CM as the manager of the setting is in charge, so I think I’ll chalk that up to personal opinions and keep in mind that CM may be of the former opinion.

My DD does know we eat at the table, but please bear in mind she was a 1yr old a few short weeks ago... maybe if I’d said she was 1yr I might’ve got different replies... who knows!

Anyway, points taken, I’ll try to relax and work with the CM. Thanks again!

please bear in mind she was a 1yr old a few short weeks ago

She was 1 year old a year ago.

Croquembou I said she was A 1yr old, not that she turned 1 a few short weeks ago. She was a 1yr old as she was not yet a 2yr old.

If you feel that the input you’ve given was worth it, then thanks.

You will find that all childminders and nursery workers will be of the opinion that they are in charge of their own setting. HTH.

Drogo I said specifically at a settling in session if you read my post again, as that seems to have become debatable judging by responses.

HTH.

@YorkMum85 working together is the name of the game. I hope the negative comments haven’t put you off asking for future advice if you need it xx

1Can’tPick that’s very kind, thank you, and working together is definitely what I have resolved to do.

MN have deleted a comment I made about a PP, but I stand by it, I know who the wannabe mean girls are on this site as I’ve been mostly lurking for years, and I will continue to ignore all and any posts they make.

It’s hard to let go and trust others with our children and it can be hard to be objective. In my opinion, you are expecting too much of the CM but I don’t think it’s wrong to feel anxious, if that makes sense.

I would have exactly the same worries OP - not unreasonable at all. I find some of these replies very odd! However this is one of the reasons I chose a nursery so that there was more than one pair of eyes.

I understand the stairs thing. We live in a bungalow. Both grandparents do too. Our Community Centre and Library were both single storey buildings. Shopping centre has escalators and lifts. When my dc were younger we didn't spend much time around stairs at all.
I remember a holiday we had in a hotel when dd2 was 2. She was obsessed with the stairs. She would have been happy spending the entire holiday going up and down.

OP- I say this gently, but this really stood out to my from your previous post “my DD is not the surest on her feet, she was quite slow to crawl and walk and is quite accident prone. I think it will be nearer to 3yrs for her to master stairs too.”

Do you think your cautiousness might rub off on her and be holding her back? If she sensed that you are very nervous or risk averse, she will pick up on it and become nervous herself. All toddlers have tumbles and bumps when they are learning and exploring- it’s all part of the process and not, in my view, something they should be shielded from.

Thanks for your comments Schuyler home Pink Artesia

Really interesting to finally have a comment that chimes in with my fears home. I’m trying to weigh things up and take all opinions on board though, so while it’s tempting to feel validated, I’m trying to keep an open mind —thanks though I knew I wasn’t mad —

Artesia I can understand you inferring that from my comment, but no, if anything I try to push against my natural urge to overprotect and have encouraged DD to climb small climbing frames and slides at the park, go on the bigger equipment at soft play when it’s not too overrun with kids who are 5+, and I do let her climb the steps to my flat when it’s not inconvenient for her to do so (they’re not really suitable for constant practice). She didn’t crawl until she was nearly a year old, and didn’t walk until she was 15 months, which isn’t technically delayed but is quite late. I encouraged her non-stop then too.

I’m determined not to let my anxiety take over our lives, but I don’t think my question today is quite as preposterous as some PP are implying, especially as two childcare professionals my DH knows agreed they would be likely to remove the debris just to be on the safe side.

Also tumbles and bumps are a daily occurrence round our way, I’m not worried about that at all. I’m worried about her falling down 14/15 stairs on to a wooden floor, or attempting to swallow a small object that looks shiny and exciting and like it might be made of chocolate to an overexcited 2yr old.

Once I'm present I'm the parent so I wouldn't expect the cm to be the lead carer. My dc are now older and when I collect cm chats to me for a minute or two and dc often ask me for my car keys and go and get in the car (which is down the path and out of sight). I'm happy that it's safe and I know my dc but I wouldn't expect cm to allow them that freedom when I'm not there.

I would keep an eye on stairs but the cookers are fine. Dc shouldn't be outside unsupervised at that age! To be honest, my dc used to try to swing on the stair gate at the top of the stairs and I was so worried they'd come crashing down the stairs I ended up removing them but it depends on the house layout and the dc. Maybe she puts it on when she's going to be out of sight.

I don’t have stairgates at all: I think they are dangerous. I’ve heard of too many accidents where people have fallen downstairs and crashed into them and I know of a childminder who slipped on the stairs and jammed her knee between the bars. I’d rather teach children how to navigate stairs safely, or to keep them away altogether.

Likewise, the pinecones and conkers wouldn’t worry me either. Your childminder is required to undertake first aid training and that will include choking. It’s unlikely that your DD would choke on pinecones, but the childminder will know exactly what to do if this were to happen.

I do think you’re over-anxious, but I fully understand why you should be. It’s difficult enough leaving your child in childcare without the additional stress of anxiety. You are not the most extreme parent I’ve know by a long chalk!
I think, as you build up your relationship with your childminder, you’ll trust her and relax.

Just to clarify that childminders are required to carry out risk assessments, however there is no requirement for these to be written down. As long as she can explain what she has assessed and any actions then she is being the requirements of her registration.

Your kid isn’t going to choke on a conker!
You have made stairs more of a hazard by not teaching her to use the properly. My 1 year old can go up and down (slides down on her front) with no issues.

I think that your anxiety has lead you to believe that confers and pine cones are a greater risk than they actually are. Have you heard about forest nursery schools, there are quite a few near me, in fact one fully open air nursery has recently opened a few miles away with a staff ratio of 3 staff to 15 toddlers ( I agree that they are aged 3 and up but the diameter of their windpipes would be similar to 2 year olds). Locally there are also pond dipping, moth catching, mud pie making activities that 2 year olds can go to all in wooded areas.
I’m pretty sure that they have fully risk assessed natural things like pine cones lying around on the forest ( usually a small wood) floor and concluded that the benefits of being out in the fresh air running around in nature out weigh any risks.
If professional education assessors think it’s okay does that put your mind at a little more ease?

Ember12 I did stop her of course, and told her not to play with the conkers. I waited a beat each time to give CM the chance to step in (as I hoped she would to demonstrate her minding skills), but she didn’t

I think in that situation it was unfair to expect the CM to step in and his has given you a skewed idea of how involved she would be without you there.

A first meeting or settling in session isn’t the time for a CM to stamp their authority. They’ll have been letting the child get familiar with surroundings and, as you found out, talking to you to find out more about your child and your requirements.

For me, when a parent is present I’m no longer in charge of the child - I’m ‘in loco parentis’ when the parent isn’t there, but would step aside when they are, presuming they will offer any discipline/guidance they see fit.

I had one child who was terrible for their mum, would regularly hide and refuse to put on their shoes when it was time to leave etc. I would spend up to 20 minutes smiling politely and saying come on now, but because the parent wasn’t very forceful the child completely took the piss.

I didn’t feel able to be stern with the child when their own parent wasn’t, so we played this game every evening at home time. When it was just me in charge I would have said “stop messing about, it’s time to get ready to go out. Shoes on now.” and disengaged, but I can’t be like that in front of a parent who thinks the hiding game is adorable, as by that point it’s their time they’re wasting too, so it’s up to them to chivvy the child along.

In your situation I would have presumed that if the parent is comfortable with the child wandering off, they know that they won’t try the stairs, or that if they do they can manage it.

I'm with you OP on the conkers and acorns. It'd be a concern for me too.

Childminders are not required to have stair gates so you are unreasonable to complain about that. And you are definitely unreasonable to complain about conkers and pine cones - most childminders use these items in their settings.

Iam really sorry but as I childminder I do not have a stair gate all my little ones know the rules no climbing and they don’t. I do teach them the safe way to go up and downstairs as part of my role in teaching them life skills. I will never go out and buy a stair gate because a parent has demand it, if they don’t like it they can go else where. I also would not be sweeping up pine cones and confers either the kids have great fun collecting and playing with them. Too be honest it sounds like your trust has already gone with this childminder and that’s no way of starting a professional relationship with her, maybe a nursery would suit you better more people watching your little one and no stairs to worry about.

If you dont feel comfortable change childminder or send her to a nursery.

Honestly, I think you're being ott.

I'd be surprised if a 2yo couldn't use stairs properly tbh and at that age wouldn't really be as interested in climbing them for the sake of it as a mobile baby for instance.

The conkers are a non issue assuming child minder is out in garden with the children.

My DD’s both started at a local ‘pre school’ on their second birthday. It has a large woodland area with free flow play in/out. I believe the staff/child ratio is approx 1:8 at that age? Obviously there was always a staff member outside with them, but in that scenario children would obviously have been picking up things like acorns/conkers and playing with them. To be honest the woodland area was one of the reasons I chose that particular setting.