Am I being overly anxious about hazards at CM’s house?

[YorkMum85]

I’d really love some opinions on this as I’m struggling. I am an anxious person anyway and am trying not to let it interfere with daily life, so sometimes it’s hard for me to see when I’m overreacting!

Daughter has recently turned 2 and has just started with a new childminder. She’s absolutely lovely and I think we’ll all work well together except for the issue of safety, or my perception of it at least.

There are a few large trees in the CM garden which shed small pine cones and conkers, and I’ve noticed that these don’t get cleared up that regularly, they are there for my DD to pick up (which she does). Unless the CM is on her every second of the day, I don’t understand how she can be sure this doesn’t pose a choking risk. I know it’s all part of Autumn and nature, so I’m not sure if I’m making too much fuss to expect them to be swept away every morning.

Secondly, the stair-gate has been left open twice when I’ve been there, and one time we couldn’t see my DD after she had headed in that direction, so she may well have been climbing the stairs (she wasn’t). She’s not confident on stairs yet at all and I’ve never left her near any without a stair-gate on.

I’ve mentioned these concerns twice to my CM and she’s been very kind and understanding, but the debris is still in the garden, and the stair-gate was still open when I went round this morning! Am I being over the top here? I know DD has to learn about hazards eventually, but this feels a bit too risky at such a young age..l

Any advice or experience you have on this matter is gratefully received!

And believe me, I’m not someone who tries to shirk responsibility for my DD at any point! My problem is that I never seem to be able to stop! I just hoped to see some interaction between CM and DD on playing safely. Not that strange really IMO.

CM garden which shed small pine cones and conkers, and I’ve noticed that these don’t get cleared up
Dear God 🤣🤣

therearenogood ok well it’s an interesting perspective, as I felt I would be treading on her toes as I was in her house, in which her exact business is to look after my DD. So I guess there’s two schools of thought there.

A childminder isn't going to try and parent your child whilst you are there

It was a settling-in session, though, so actually with the stair gate issue I probably would have thought she’d be on it more as a CM. The conkers - well, again, this is interpretation of risk ... I wouldn’t have stopped her picking them up but I would have stopped a child putting them in their mouth, of course. But there’s no suggestion your DD was doing more than picking them up/exploring so I wouldn’t have reacted to stop that.

NoSquirrels thank you, it’s helpful to see where I might be overreacting, and where I might have a point. I think my problem is that I would never have anything that size hanging around full stop, unless I was sitting directly with DD watching her use it. I need to figure out whether that’s excessive, and also whether the CM will be sitting directly with DD in the garden or if there is actually a risk.

@yorkmum
I didn’t think saying Dear God was offensive, get over yourself 🤣

I run a nursery and we’ve got loads of conkers inside and out
And pine cones
Which the children have free access to

YorkMum85

I am a childminder and I don't attempt to show my kindling skill while parents are in my setting, I don't need to. Your child, you parent them. Once your dd goes to nursery, the nursery workers won't parent your child for you when you arrive.

I don’t think YABU about the stair gate, but YDABU about the conkers and pine cones.

Whilst it's understandable that you are concerned the fact is that at 2yrs old your child will be more independent and able to start risk assessing for herself. Regarding pine cones and conkers it would be impossible for your childminder to ensure nothing was there as it's nature after all and these items that fall will be great learning resources. Stair gates should not be used after a child reaches 24 months of age as they pose risks beyond this age therefore they are not recommended. I have been Childminding for years and do not have a stair gate and this has never been an issue where Ofsted are concerned.

*minding skills, not kindling

@drogo
I was quite interested in your kindling skills😉

I'm a childminder and ofsted don't insist on stairgates anymore, they are more interested in whether a cm teaches the children how to manage the stairs effectively (best practice) and how a cm would generally manage risks like that. The children are never allowed in my passage (where the stairs are) on their own but children are usually pretty competent when they're 2.5/3. Also children of that age are never left in the garden alone. if I need the loo or another child needs a nappy change, we ALL come inside. Conkers are Minimal choking risk tho surely? They are too big!! But you can't remove all risks like that, there'll be pebbles and soil and sticks etc. You just have to supervise.

At that age would it not be a bigger risk having a stairgate as they are now tall enough to climb them and possibly fall over the top?

It's clear that you are very anxious and a good, caring parent that many of us would have loved to have had. But think about this rationally. If I saw my neighbour at 7am every morning in the garden picking up random bits of nature and asked 'What are you doing?' and she said back 'Just lifting potential choking hazards of the ground like conkers and pinecones' I would think she was bonkers. Would you honestly not?

@Bookworm4 I don't even know if there is such a think as kindling skills, but it sounds like a good thing to have 😂

@drogo
Here you go; you can teach your young charges; nice safe activity 😉
www2.fiskars.com/Ideas-and-How-Tos/Gardening-and-Yard-Care/Wood-Preparing/The-Art-of-Kindling

Yabu
At 2 I'd not be expecting your child to eat from the garden floor, I'd expect them to understand we eat food at the table. I'd also expect them to know where they can and can't go, irrespective of a gate.
Chm don't need a gate, they just need to show how they will keep ch safe.

I'll get the two 1 year olds on that tomorrow, they will love it!

Conkers? Bonkers?

Yes, I had the one in all in rule. Ring doorbell so I could see who was there and all went to the loo first, inc me.
Have you seen her risk assessments

OP in agree with Drogothat most childminders will let the parent deal with the child if they are there.

I like to see how parents deal with their children actually. It helps me to know if we are compatible.

As soon as my dcs could move I made sure I taught them how to come up and down stairs safely. It’s really important IMO.

The conkers issue - I actually understand but only because I’m quite anxious myself and I remember worrying about it when the dcs were younger but I knew I was being ridiculous.

You need to find out the triggers for your anxiety and work out ways to manage them.

I’m going to go against the grain and say that I’m my home I’m in charge, that way there is no awkwardness when the parents are around and the kids know they can’t play up. When the parents are here to sign paperwork etc. I let the kids go off and play independently and the parents don’t stay too long during settling in sessions as I don’t think the children settle properly when their parents are here.

I also after that the pine cones etc in the garden are not a big deal, but neither is the stair gate. I have a 2yo that I mind and I never close the gate, he is very independent but also knows that he is not allowed on the stairs and it’s not an issue, this is a recent development because, of course I had to wait until he was old enough to understand and I had to ensure I could trust him. This is very much dependent on the children I care for. I had a little girl who, at nearly 3, would make every attempt to climb the stairs. Whenever she was in my setting, I had to close the stair gate and barricade the banisters, at one point she climbed up the stairs in the outside of the railings/banisters, that was a hair-raising moment!

You have to trust that your childminder has done a thorough risk assessment and won’t ever do anything that will harm your child. This includes not leaving her unattended in the garden.

An open and honest relationship is the best way for parents and childminders, you should always feel you can discuss your concerns and feel at ease with the responses.

Good Luck, I think your daughter will thrive in an easygoing environment