Looking after Ex Boyfriends Daughter

[Bexy118]

Is anyone else in my boat? I look after my ExBoyfriends 11 yo daughter 4 nights a week meaning I do all the mum stuff and getting her to school, lunches, nagging about washing etc. She is just about to go up to 'big school' and will be needing the school bus which of course needs paying for however he is never forthcoming with money. I have also ended up paying out £70 on uniform as he 'Couldn't afford' (didn't want) to pay for it and left it so late that I got worried she wouldn't have it in time for school and I didn't want her to be that kid. I am being controlled to an extent but what do I do? Help please. x

Does she not have a mom?

Where’s her mum and why are you looking after an ex’s child?

She was removed from her mum as a baby, her dad has a residence order. She was 5 when I met him and we lived together and she now sees me as mum, we have maintained this relationship over the last couple of years since we split up. Now however he has a job where he works early shifts so is not there for her in the mornings. I should add she is perfectly happy with this arrangement as he doesn't give her much time or attention. They have no other family who can help etc.

I think it’s truly amazing that you’ve taken her on as your own, it takes an incredibly special kind of person to do that. Are you happy with this arrangement though? If you’re not willing or able to keep covering her expenses you need to let him know. However the down side to that is that he could remove her from your life completely.

You could always go for joint guardianship (I think that’s what it’s called?) if you are, it would mean that he can’t suddenly stop you seeing her. I would strongly suggest you talk to both of them about this first though. Depending on how close you are to her, you could refuse to have her until he starts paying towards her expenses, might give him the kick up the ass he needs to realise he’s the only person that should be financially responsible for her atm.

It’s a really tough situation, I hope it works out the way you want

I would talk to Social services. She is not your responsibility, if you want to be involved in her life that is great, but you should be financially recompensed - at least getting child benefit if you are doing 4 nights.

Its a really rubbish situation. I don't want to do anything which may potentially make things worse for her. She already gets upset when its a day to go back to dads but I feel like I have no protection.

I can afford to pay for the school bus but he is getting away with doing little if anything for her.

If and when I make suggestions about the situation he likes to remind me that he is her dad and he makes the decisions.

Its like emotional blackmail.

She's not your responsibility but I think you're doing a wonderful thing.

If you're happy with the responsibility and you'd like your relationship to be more formalised I would speak with SS.